October 25th, 2008

I just wanted to clarify why I am so excited about grad school. When Dan and I got pregnant at 20 and got married at 21, numerous amounts of people told me to be sure to stay in school, follow my dream, don't let my family get in my way of my passion etc.... well every single class after having a child hurt like hell because I had an overwhelming guilt about being somewhere that my child couldn't go. But the guilt wore off after a while because I knew that someday my child would be proud... and then I got pregnant AGAIN.

This threw me for a loop because Audrey at this point was potty trained, communicating great, and understood that mommy had school but would be home soon.... I had to start all over again. I chose to breastfeed my kids, so in between classes I was running out to my car, pumping, and then going back out to my car to store the milk and the pump... for months this went on, and it was a hassle. On top of my motherly duties, I had schoolwork... and a hell of a lot to be exact. When I finally made the choice to work overnights full time and go to school full time, it really was a struggle. I went for days without getting more than 2 hours of sleep, but it was because when I got home I wanted to be with my children and not sleep.. maybe it was foolish, but that's just me. My classes got harder and harder, but before I knew it I was able to graduate.... and I did it with a lot of student loans, but even more important I respected myself for my accomplishment.

So here comes the idea of graduate school... First of all I must say SCREW YOU to people who have doubted me, or laughed when I said I was going for teaching, not because the thought of me being a teacher is bad, but because I have changed my mind about my occupation a lot. Well the reason I have been changing my mind a lot is simply because there are very few things that I think I couldn't do... so I could see myself as a nurse, or a social worker, or anything else that I have ever contimplated being in my life... I am not cocky, I just know I want to work in the 'helping field' and I think that I have the brains to do anything I want. I finally decided on teaching because of my children. I have two children who are polar opposites. Audrey is a gifted child, she was communicating very early on and has not stopped since. She is very bright, and learns by listening. She can hear something once and never forget it. While as a mother I find this trait in her quite annoying (you can never say something like "audrey you can play with that next thursday" because she will remember and bring it up first thing thursday morning) as a future educator I find this quite amazing. Ben is quite different. He still is not anywhere near Audrey's communication level when she was half his age (true story) but his comprehension level astounds us. He is very much a hands on learner, and has to touch and feel everything to get a good sense of what it is and what it does. Therefore, it is my children who have really pushed me to keep going and I am not going to look back.

Not only did I graduate after having to work full time and go to school full time on top of being a wife and mother of two, but I did well enough in school to gain admittance into Graduate school where they only accepted approximately 10% of applicants!!!! I have "friends" who say that I need to be careful, I am doing too much, etc.. but that is not what I need. People should know by now how stubborn I am, and when I put my mind to do something I am going to do it, so theres no changing my mind. What I need is support and understanding. This program is only 16 months long, and while it may be rough, I will be a teacher after that, and have no more schooling left to go. I already have the support of my husband, my father, and my sister (and those are really the only people I need support from) but I am asking for EVERYONES support, NO negativity!! This is my life, my dream, and thanks to Roberts Wesleyan College I will be fulfilling that dream in May of 2010!!!!!