February 10th, 2009

So I just read almost my entire LJ from start to finish, and I must say that I think I am so lucky. There have been times in my life that I have really struggled with my family, friends, school, and everything in between. Yet now, it seems that it all comes so easily. I have an amazing family, and it only seemed right that I stay home during the day to raise my children so that I may go to school full time at night. It isn't even hard really. Sure, it's a lot of work, but I have no "internal conflicts" wondering if I am doing the right thing. It is almost as if this were the only path to choose in the first place. I am genuinely happy to be doing what I am right now.

My marriage is great, Dan and I are still very much in love, and it seems that our love has only grown over these past 6 and a half years. We have beautiful children, who are both unique in their own ways. I have no doubts that they will both do great things in their life. I often wonder what I did to deserve such a great marriage. My past relationship with Mike was so great at the beginning, and then it all fell to pieces when he cheated on me, and I guess I have always expected the same to happen in my current relationship. I know that Mike and I were young when we dated, but that doesn't mean we didn't love each other during those 2 years. But look how that love turned out... so I guess I've been "waiting for the ball to drop". But I have come to the realization that maybe this is my reality... that I just cashed in the winning lottery ticket and got him as my prize. That is exactly how I feel. Mike and I were trying to work things out after Dan and I were together in November, and as much as I wanted to be with Mike, I took a "gamble" on Dan, and it turned out to be the best choice ever.

My relationship with certain friends has been rocky I guess, but I honestly think it is my fault. For example, currently I am not really talking to Jen. I'm not "mad" at her, but currently I need people who are super supportive about me going to school full time, and she is not. She has said from the start that this is a mistake, and that I am selfish for going, etc. I need people who "get" me, and who understand that if I don't go now, I might not ever go. I used to go to "girls dinner" once every few weeks with Tonja, Melissa, and Lindsey, and what I liked most about those girls is that nobody ever judged me. I was the only married one with kids, and they never thought "she should be home with her kids instead of being in school"... they always supported my decisions. Stacey has made a few comments about how she thinks I shouldn't go to school right away, but once I told her my decision was final, she supported me 100%. I need friends who understand that I may not text them back all the time because I'm in the middle of studying for my teaching exams, or doing research or lesson plans, and I need friends who don't take that personally.

Tracy and I were in a silly argument, and yet I still consider her my best friend. We didn't talk for months, but when we finally got together again you wouldn't have known it. Tracy understands my schedule, as she just finished her Masters. We hung out a few weeks ago, and made plans to see each other in 5 weeks! haha But she doesn't take offense to that, she's perfectly understanding. By the way, she has the most amazing boyfriend!!!! I am so happy for her! I think she is going to marry him, which is just AMAZING!!!!

Obviously Marisa is understanding, and Laurie is as well. Laurie is so busy with school and wedding planning that she most definately understands, which is nice. Those are the kind of people I need. Even my father has been amazingly supportive.

My point in saying all this is that no matter what my problems have been in the past, it seems that it has only led me to a brighter future. I am truly blessed to be where I am right now in my life, and I hope people know that I appreciate all the love and support.