I really should be cleaning. The house is a mess. Christmasness and Benjamin's birthday being in the same week really makes life chaotic this time of year. Dan is on an interview right now, and I can't focus on anything else. He got a call Monday after work for a job at Hillside as an Emergency Shelter Case Manager. He doesn't even know if he wants it to be honest, but it is a definite step up from what he is doing right now. Last night I stayed up till 3am ironing his clothes for him and printing out his resume, along with interview tips, questions and answers, and also information on the program he is applying for. I highlighted parts of the packet that were more important so he knows what to focus on, because I really ended up printing about 20 pages of stuff to look through. I know it was a lot for him to look through, but I just wanted to prepare him for stuff.
I have so much faith in him, but he has none in himself, which worries me to death. He has SO much potential but yet because he has no faith he belittles himself. It's annoying if I'm being honest. I seriously wish he would just "man up" and take matters into his own hands regarding his career and making more money. If he wants to go to school, I am totally supportive of that. But it isn't fair to me for him to hate his job, complain about it ALL the time, and then do nothing about it. He is miserable sometimes, and he says it's because he hates his job so much. If that is how he feels, he should leave for something else. It's not like he makes a ton of money and he can't make the same elsewhere. It just angers me.
I really hope he gets this job. If he gets denied, it will kill his self esteem, and I don't know how I will deal with that. When he interviewed at Home Depot and didn't get it, he was depressed and stopped applying for jobs in general. I really just want him to get this job. I think he'll be wonderful. His interview was at 4:30, and it's 5:15 and he still hasn't texted me telling me he's out, so hopefully it's going well.
Anyone reading this please wish my hubby luck! :)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Motivation
I'm fat. Period. I've been trying to lose weight forever. That's a big fat lie actually. I should say that I've been THINKING about losing weight forever. I've tried Weight Watchers quite a few times, and honestly it works. However, I always lose motivation. I always start off doing really well and then somehow lose the motivation. I was fat for not only my wedding, but also fat for other people's weddings. If I couldn't motivate myself to lose some weight for weddings, what will motivate me to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle?
I finally found the answer! Last night my sister and I were talking about our trip to Disney World in 2011. Anna has never been there, so I was telling her all about it. I decided to show her my "Disney Vacation Planning Guide" dvd that I had sent away for. It had videos of all the parks, attractions, shows, restaurants etc. As I was watching it, I couldn't stop but getting excited like a little kid. I honestly couldn't wait until I was able to ride Dumbo, the teacups, and Aladin's Magic Carpet ride, along with the roller coasters! Then I had a vivid reality check: I'm gonna be too fat to fit into the rides.
Nothing is more embarassing then being kicked off of a ride because the lapbelt won't fit. Unfortunately, I know first hand. At our local theme park it happened to me while I was with a group of kids at work, and not only they saw it happen to me, but my coworkers saw it as well. I never want to feel that humiliation in front of my children.
I have decided to be skinnier for our Disney trip! It will give me 2 years to lose the weight safely and in moderation. I haven't talked to Dan about it yet, but hopefully he will make the same goal with me so both of us will be able to ride a bunch of rides with our children. I want to be able to do everything as a family. I honestly can't wait. I think this will be the perfect motivation! When do I start??? After Benjamin's birthday cake is finished... we wouldn't want it to go to waste now would we???? haha
P.S. Happy Birthday to my little Boo Bear. He's officially 3 years old today and I am such a proud mommy!
I finally found the answer! Last night my sister and I were talking about our trip to Disney World in 2011. Anna has never been there, so I was telling her all about it. I decided to show her my "Disney Vacation Planning Guide" dvd that I had sent away for. It had videos of all the parks, attractions, shows, restaurants etc. As I was watching it, I couldn't stop but getting excited like a little kid. I honestly couldn't wait until I was able to ride Dumbo, the teacups, and Aladin's Magic Carpet ride, along with the roller coasters! Then I had a vivid reality check: I'm gonna be too fat to fit into the rides.
Nothing is more embarassing then being kicked off of a ride because the lapbelt won't fit. Unfortunately, I know first hand. At our local theme park it happened to me while I was with a group of kids at work, and not only they saw it happen to me, but my coworkers saw it as well. I never want to feel that humiliation in front of my children.
I have decided to be skinnier for our Disney trip! It will give me 2 years to lose the weight safely and in moderation. I haven't talked to Dan about it yet, but hopefully he will make the same goal with me so both of us will be able to ride a bunch of rides with our children. I want to be able to do everything as a family. I honestly can't wait. I think this will be the perfect motivation! When do I start??? After Benjamin's birthday cake is finished... we wouldn't want it to go to waste now would we???? haha
P.S. Happy Birthday to my little Boo Bear. He's officially 3 years old today and I am such a proud mommy!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Benjamin's party
Wow 2 posts in one day! Funny I can not post for 2 years and then post 2x a day. That just goes to show everyone how pathetic my life is!
So we had Benjamin's party today. I'd like to think it was a good time. It felt really rushed, especially because I thought I had to work when it turns out I didn't, so I was a bit upset about that, but it's fine. Benjamin had a lot of fun. I seriously wonder if him and Cailyn will ever date. He loves that girl SO much it's insane. He chases around after her constantly, I'm surprised she's not annoyed by it yet! He's very excited that she will be with us all day on Tuesday for his birthday.
Things with my in-laws are going well. It's just my MIL and SIL who came to visit. Obviously my FIL couldn't come because he's forbidden, plus I am not ready to see him again since the "incident". My MIL and I had a nice talk tonight about everything. She apologized again for everything that had happened. I just explained that it was easy for me to be hurt by her because I felt so close to her, as my mother has been completely inconsistent in my life. However it was also easier to forgive her because I wanted that bond back again. I am in no hurry to forgive my FIL because I never had that bond with him. It sounds sad to say, but I don't feel a large loss that we aren't speaking. I'm not really that "hurt" by him, I'm more so pissed off to be honest. I feel he was completely out of line and therefore I am in no rush to go back to the way it was. Maybe if Dan felt closer to him than I would feel that pressure, but because he really hasn't confronted his feelings either I will do it when I feel so inclined.
On a new topic, someone asked me today what I was doing to "prep" for student teaching... AM I SUPPOSED TO BE PREPPING???? I have looked at the 4th grade curriculum for NYS, but it's not like the curriculum details when the stuff will be taught, so I have no idea what I will be walking in to. I'm going to email my host teacher and see what I should be doing while waiting. I'm very bored when I don't have school work to do. I waste my time on facebook. The kids are more independent and like playing by themselves, so I don't know what to do with myself over this break. I suppose I should clean or organize the house... HAHA that is just NOT happening!
So we had Benjamin's party today. I'd like to think it was a good time. It felt really rushed, especially because I thought I had to work when it turns out I didn't, so I was a bit upset about that, but it's fine. Benjamin had a lot of fun. I seriously wonder if him and Cailyn will ever date. He loves that girl SO much it's insane. He chases around after her constantly, I'm surprised she's not annoyed by it yet! He's very excited that she will be with us all day on Tuesday for his birthday.
Things with my in-laws are going well. It's just my MIL and SIL who came to visit. Obviously my FIL couldn't come because he's forbidden, plus I am not ready to see him again since the "incident". My MIL and I had a nice talk tonight about everything. She apologized again for everything that had happened. I just explained that it was easy for me to be hurt by her because I felt so close to her, as my mother has been completely inconsistent in my life. However it was also easier to forgive her because I wanted that bond back again. I am in no hurry to forgive my FIL because I never had that bond with him. It sounds sad to say, but I don't feel a large loss that we aren't speaking. I'm not really that "hurt" by him, I'm more so pissed off to be honest. I feel he was completely out of line and therefore I am in no rush to go back to the way it was. Maybe if Dan felt closer to him than I would feel that pressure, but because he really hasn't confronted his feelings either I will do it when I feel so inclined.
On a new topic, someone asked me today what I was doing to "prep" for student teaching... AM I SUPPOSED TO BE PREPPING???? I have looked at the 4th grade curriculum for NYS, but it's not like the curriculum details when the stuff will be taught, so I have no idea what I will be walking in to. I'm going to email my host teacher and see what I should be doing while waiting. I'm very bored when I don't have school work to do. I waste my time on facebook. The kids are more independent and like playing by themselves, so I don't know what to do with myself over this break. I suppose I should clean or organize the house... HAHA that is just NOT happening!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Holiday Season 2009
(Kids wearing their Christmas pj's on Christmas eve!)
I can't believe that Christmas is already over... Where did it go??? Watching the kids open gifts on Christmas morning was awesome. They tend to be spoiled brats, but they were very much appreciative of everything they got and seemed genuinely happy. We took the kids to the movies to see "Alvin and the Chipmunks- The Squeakual" and they did really well. We have never been to the movies as a family, so it was sort of cute to see a tradition starting.
My cousins Sarah, Katie, and Jackie spent the night on Christmas and it was a really nice time. Usually I thought Sarah disliked me, but we were able to talk about everything and we realized that we felt like we were competing with each other for no good reason. Her and Katie are both teachers and were offering me a TON of advice, and it was very much appreciated by me.
They both basically scared the crap out of me regarding teaching and money. I thought the health benefits would be really good and a bit cheaper, but apparently they are ridiculously expensive. Plus the union dues are expensive too. I found out that I would basically be making the same amount of money I was making when I was working as a service coordinator at Epilepsy Foundation. This did not feel so well to me and Dan, who are struggling to keep afloat. I just have to have faith that everything will work out and that we will make it. I'm terrified to find out my student loan payment once I graduate, but again, I just have to have faith.
Today is Benjamin's 3rd birthday party. It's "Cars" themed, and he is so excited! He kept waking up last night hoping it was morning time. This year is really cool for us to watch Benjamin because he finally understands the concept of birthdays and Christmas. He's getting to be such a big, smart boy. Both of our kids just make us so proud, we are quite blessed.
Alright, going to finish cleaning a bit before the party. Let's hope it goes well!
Just another cute pic of my babies during the holiday season
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Here I am
Well for the past 6 years I have had a livejournal, but the site is really old, so I decided, after months of considering it, to open this blog. I just went ahead and transferred all of my old entries from my livejournal into this blog, so I will be consistently using this from now on.
I think it's really important for me to have a blog, not for anyone else to read (although they may do if they wish), but more so for me to just have a neutral place to vent and talk about my feelings without fear of being judged. I can say things as they come to head, without editing. It sounds a little dangerous, as people usually try to refrain from saying what they really think, but I think keeping it all in is unhealthy. I'd rather vent, and then move on than to keep it all bottled up, which I know many of my friends (and especially my husband) are famous for!
I'm just getting over being sick. The past few days have been pretty rough for me, but I'm feeling a little better today. I was so sick yesterday I had to cancel my meeting with my host teacher. I found out I will be student teaching in LeRoy 4th grade! My host teacher seems SUPER nice. She lives in Chili too and takes her daughter to a daycare close to Tammy's house, so it's really ironic. I can't wait to start, but I'm really nervous. Not only is she 4th grade consultant teacher, but she's the Math consult teacher Pre-K to 6th grade! Yikes! That is really intimidating, so I have been researching special math stuff and have also been going over the 4th grade curriculum so I am a bit prepared for what I will be entering. I cannot wait to find out my 2nd placement. I should find out January 15th! Yay!
I have super exciting news!!! Dan and I are planning a trip to DisneyWorld with the kids in Christmas of 2011. We are going with Marisa, Cailyn, and her parents! We invited Anna to join us as well, and we are all hoping she comes. It will be SO much fun! We haven't started saving yet, but we plan on it once I am done student teaching. I am very excited, and the kids are too!
Christmas is in a few days, and we definitely did our best for our little bundle of joys! I went shopping months ago and placed things on layaway, so we had months to make payments on them. I think the kids will definitely enjoy their Christmas. It may not be as big as we would like, but at this age they won't know the difference. I love the holiday season and I refuse to let the fact that I only work 7 hours a week ruin my Christmas spirit!
Audrey is doing AMAZING in Kindergarten! Her teacher told us at her parent/teacher conference that she is the brightest in the class, and is consulting with the 1st grade teachers on special projects for her to do to keep challenging her. We are very proud parents! Benjamin is talking so much more and his speech problems are becoming less obvious, although he still has quite a slur! People are understanding him much more though, so that is good! He is VERY excited for his birthday party this Sunday. He says his best friends are Cailyn and Livvy, which are 2 of Audreys best friends, so she doesn't like that too much! I seriously am sooo blessed to have such amazing kids!
Dan just applied for an internal transfer, and we are praying he gets it. He would be working as a case manager for runaway youth. It sounds emotionally challenging, but I think he can handle it! His mother and sister are coming up for a few days after Christmas and Dan is VERY excited to see them. His father can't come up due to the huge argument, but I don't know how he feels about that. My father has strictly forbid his father from entering this home again, and Dan keeps quiet about it. I wish he'd tell me how he feels. I know he wants to talk to his dad about the incident but he won't. He's too scared I guess. I would be too, he's a scary guy, but whatever. Dan has to do this on his own.
Friends are good. Ames is having a hard time with the deaths of her 2 good friends Tristan and Brooke. They died in a car accident and Amy is having a hard time adjusting. I feel so bad for her. I love Amy more than life itself, and I want her to be happy. Seeing her upset is troubling to me. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better but I don't, so I am just doing my best to be here for her as she needs me.
Marisa is good. She's started talking to a girl up in Watertown, and the girl seems to really reciprocate the feelings. Hopefully this will work out for them. Marisa deserves the very best. She's doing well in her new home. I'm really very proud of her for doing this on her own. It's hard and she's making a lot of sacrifices that I'm sure people don't appreciate or recognize, but I see it. She's grown up a LOT lately.
I'm not really sure what to update about Jen. She's having some Justin troubles. Justin checked himself into rehab and stopped paying her (as he wasn't working) and she is pissed off about that... maybe pissed is an understatement. I personally don't agree with her at all, but I am here to listen. I think he is a better man for acknowledging the problem. He wasn't malicious in doing so. He never wanted to screw her over with money. Frankly, she lives with her parents and has food, so Alex is very well taken care of. Child support shouldn't be paying other bills (in my opinion) so it really shouldn't matter if he's paying now or not because she is taken care of at her moms house. It is just my opinion though. I can imagine that losing a substantial amount of money per month is quite a loss, so that sucks, but hopefully Justin will move closer and be able to take Alex more regularly so that she isn't so burdened.
I'm becoming closer with Jen's sister Becky. She has a little girl Olivia (Livvy) who is 5, and Audrey and Cailyn dance with her and just LOVE her! Becky is so grounded compared to her siblings, I almost wonder if she really belongs to that family! She's just a good person in general and I'm glad we are becoming closer. I think we are very similar and she's even teaching me how to crochet! Thank goodness she's patient! haha
Tracy is doing well. She's dating a guy named Amogh and I really like him. He's hilarious, so Dan and him seem to get along very well. She came and baked pies this year at Thanksgiving time and it was a blast. I am hoping to get together with her over the holiday break!
Ok and now that I have updated on everything, I can update on the most important news of all since my last posting!! I AM AN AUNT!!! Anthony James Marchegiano was born on October 17th! He's the most beautiful baby I have ever seen!!! He had some complications at birth with his lungs, but he has been doing excellent since! He's such a big boy! I've had him overnight a few times since then and he's just the BEST baby ever! He's so laid back! He's been smiling for weeks, and my sister told me yesterday that he rolled over for the first time! He's so advanced! I am such a proud Auntie! Julie has really grown up since becoming a mother. Her priorities are exactly where they are supposed to be.... with her family. We've become much closer since she told me about the pregnancy and I am guessing we will only continue to grow closer.
I think it's really important for me to have a blog, not for anyone else to read (although they may do if they wish), but more so for me to just have a neutral place to vent and talk about my feelings without fear of being judged. I can say things as they come to head, without editing. It sounds a little dangerous, as people usually try to refrain from saying what they really think, but I think keeping it all in is unhealthy. I'd rather vent, and then move on than to keep it all bottled up, which I know many of my friends (and especially my husband) are famous for!
I'm just getting over being sick. The past few days have been pretty rough for me, but I'm feeling a little better today. I was so sick yesterday I had to cancel my meeting with my host teacher. I found out I will be student teaching in LeRoy 4th grade! My host teacher seems SUPER nice. She lives in Chili too and takes her daughter to a daycare close to Tammy's house, so it's really ironic. I can't wait to start, but I'm really nervous. Not only is she 4th grade consultant teacher, but she's the Math consult teacher Pre-K to 6th grade! Yikes! That is really intimidating, so I have been researching special math stuff and have also been going over the 4th grade curriculum so I am a bit prepared for what I will be entering. I cannot wait to find out my 2nd placement. I should find out January 15th! Yay!
I have super exciting news!!! Dan and I are planning a trip to DisneyWorld with the kids in Christmas of 2011. We are going with Marisa, Cailyn, and her parents! We invited Anna to join us as well, and we are all hoping she comes. It will be SO much fun! We haven't started saving yet, but we plan on it once I am done student teaching. I am very excited, and the kids are too!
Christmas is in a few days, and we definitely did our best for our little bundle of joys! I went shopping months ago and placed things on layaway, so we had months to make payments on them. I think the kids will definitely enjoy their Christmas. It may not be as big as we would like, but at this age they won't know the difference. I love the holiday season and I refuse to let the fact that I only work 7 hours a week ruin my Christmas spirit!
Audrey is doing AMAZING in Kindergarten! Her teacher told us at her parent/teacher conference that she is the brightest in the class, and is consulting with the 1st grade teachers on special projects for her to do to keep challenging her. We are very proud parents! Benjamin is talking so much more and his speech problems are becoming less obvious, although he still has quite a slur! People are understanding him much more though, so that is good! He is VERY excited for his birthday party this Sunday. He says his best friends are Cailyn and Livvy, which are 2 of Audreys best friends, so she doesn't like that too much! I seriously am sooo blessed to have such amazing kids!
Dan just applied for an internal transfer, and we are praying he gets it. He would be working as a case manager for runaway youth. It sounds emotionally challenging, but I think he can handle it! His mother and sister are coming up for a few days after Christmas and Dan is VERY excited to see them. His father can't come up due to the huge argument, but I don't know how he feels about that. My father has strictly forbid his father from entering this home again, and Dan keeps quiet about it. I wish he'd tell me how he feels. I know he wants to talk to his dad about the incident but he won't. He's too scared I guess. I would be too, he's a scary guy, but whatever. Dan has to do this on his own.
Friends are good. Ames is having a hard time with the deaths of her 2 good friends Tristan and Brooke. They died in a car accident and Amy is having a hard time adjusting. I feel so bad for her. I love Amy more than life itself, and I want her to be happy. Seeing her upset is troubling to me. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better but I don't, so I am just doing my best to be here for her as she needs me.
Marisa is good. She's started talking to a girl up in Watertown, and the girl seems to really reciprocate the feelings. Hopefully this will work out for them. Marisa deserves the very best. She's doing well in her new home. I'm really very proud of her for doing this on her own. It's hard and she's making a lot of sacrifices that I'm sure people don't appreciate or recognize, but I see it. She's grown up a LOT lately.
I'm not really sure what to update about Jen. She's having some Justin troubles. Justin checked himself into rehab and stopped paying her (as he wasn't working) and she is pissed off about that... maybe pissed is an understatement. I personally don't agree with her at all, but I am here to listen. I think he is a better man for acknowledging the problem. He wasn't malicious in doing so. He never wanted to screw her over with money. Frankly, she lives with her parents and has food, so Alex is very well taken care of. Child support shouldn't be paying other bills (in my opinion) so it really shouldn't matter if he's paying now or not because she is taken care of at her moms house. It is just my opinion though. I can imagine that losing a substantial amount of money per month is quite a loss, so that sucks, but hopefully Justin will move closer and be able to take Alex more regularly so that she isn't so burdened.
I'm becoming closer with Jen's sister Becky. She has a little girl Olivia (Livvy) who is 5, and Audrey and Cailyn dance with her and just LOVE her! Becky is so grounded compared to her siblings, I almost wonder if she really belongs to that family! She's just a good person in general and I'm glad we are becoming closer. I think we are very similar and she's even teaching me how to crochet! Thank goodness she's patient! haha
Tracy is doing well. She's dating a guy named Amogh and I really like him. He's hilarious, so Dan and him seem to get along very well. She came and baked pies this year at Thanksgiving time and it was a blast. I am hoping to get together with her over the holiday break!
Ok and now that I have updated on everything, I can update on the most important news of all since my last posting!! I AM AN AUNT!!! Anthony James Marchegiano was born on October 17th! He's the most beautiful baby I have ever seen!!! He had some complications at birth with his lungs, but he has been doing excellent since! He's such a big boy! I've had him overnight a few times since then and he's just the BEST baby ever! He's so laid back! He's been smiling for weeks, and my sister told me yesterday that he rolled over for the first time! He's so advanced! I am such a proud Auntie! Julie has really grown up since becoming a mother. Her priorities are exactly where they are supposed to be.... with her family. We've become much closer since she told me about the pregnancy and I am guessing we will only continue to grow closer.
September 7th, 2009
Well it's been a while since I last posted. My sister has almost reached her due date! She has 1 more month and then baby Anthony should be here! Julie and Jeremy got married a few weeks ago while in Vegas! Their wedding was absolutely gorgeous! I cried from beginning to end! I am so happy for them, I really hope they have a wonderful life together! The vacation outside of the wedding was not as great. Dan never wanted to bring Audrey because he thought she wouldn't be ready, and as much as I hate to admit this, he was right. Audrey threw many temper tantrums, and she was just plain rotten at times. Now, obviously there were positive things about the vacation, like the watershow at the Bellagio which was Audrey's favorite. She watched the damn thing 4 times! haha
Audrey starts Kindergarten TOMORROW! We went to her Kindergarten orientation, and she flipped. I think she was just realizing that everything we had talked about since Pre-K ended was finally coming true. Reality set in, and she just lost it. Maybe we were putting too much emphasis on going to Kindergarten, and that is why she acted like she did. She completely regressed and acted like a 2 year old. Not only was I completely mortified, but I didn't know how to speak to her with everyone watching me! It was a nightmare! She is doing a little better now when she talks about Kindergarten. She isn't as terrified. We keep talking to her about all the toys we saw there and about how much fun she will have. Hopefully it works, I'd hate to see her get on the bus tomorrow kicking and screaming!
Things with Dan aren't as great lately. We're working on some stuff, but I hope we can get over it soon. His father and I got into an argument last weekend which has put everyone up in the air. His dad implied that I am not a good wife. Then his mother started saying how I'm always misearable at their home, and basically said that I'm the reason Dan doesn't come home more often. The end resulted in his father is never coming to my home again, and I am not going out there again. Dan is pretty pissed off at everyone.... including himself. His dad was screaming and yelling at me, telling me all these things, and Dan didn't stick up for me or stop it at all. He just stood there, saying nothing. I feel very betrayed by that. He has appologized over and over again, and I know that I need to let it go, but I'm so hurt. We are getting better day by day, but I don't know how our marriage is going to work knowing his dad can't come out here ever again, and I won't be traveling out there. My family was pretty upset with Dan as well, but they are easing up. He acknowledged he made a mistake, and they are treating him somewhat normally.
Friends... hmmm where do I begin???? Jen and I are good again, we've been hanging out a little bit more. I haven't spoken to Tracy in a while. I think she's mad at me, but at this point I really don't care. I had a 6 week break from school, and I tried to get together with her, but *surprise surprise* she has a new boyfriend, so we didn't get together. I'm not inviting her to my birthday this year either. I gave her several times where I was available to get together. It clearly wasn't important to her, so I am over it. If I were any type of friend to her, she would have tried somehow.... right???
School has been amazing! I just started my last official semester of classes this week, and then I start student teaching in January! I went back to 23 school with Mrs. Conner for a few days to see how the first couple days of classes goes, and it was so nice seeing the kids again. She moved up to 2nd grade this year, and took half of her kids with her, so it was nice to see everyone again! I was even told of a few positions opening up at the end of the year, so you bet your butt I will be applying! haha I find out in 4 days what school I will be in for this semester! I'm very excited about that! I requested Churchville, but I'm not sure if that will work out. I will be happy with any placement. All I know is that I will be in 4th-6th grade. I am thinking of taking a few extra classes after I graduate in May to get my certification in Birth-2 as well, so when I am done I will be certified Birth-6th. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'll do it. I feel that it will make me more marketable, as people now are only getting certified either Birth-2 or 1-6. I'm just praying I get a job once I graduate! I'm hoping to make some good connections while doing my OPE this semester and my Student Teaching so I will have good recommendations upon graduation! Ahh I can't wait!
Well it's been a while since I last posted. My sister has almost reached her due date! She has 1 more month and then baby Anthony should be here! Julie and Jeremy got married a few weeks ago while in Vegas! Their wedding was absolutely gorgeous! I cried from beginning to end! I am so happy for them, I really hope they have a wonderful life together! The vacation outside of the wedding was not as great. Dan never wanted to bring Audrey because he thought she wouldn't be ready, and as much as I hate to admit this, he was right. Audrey threw many temper tantrums, and she was just plain rotten at times. Now, obviously there were positive things about the vacation, like the watershow at the Bellagio which was Audrey's favorite. She watched the damn thing 4 times! haha
Audrey starts Kindergarten TOMORROW! We went to her Kindergarten orientation, and she flipped. I think she was just realizing that everything we had talked about since Pre-K ended was finally coming true. Reality set in, and she just lost it. Maybe we were putting too much emphasis on going to Kindergarten, and that is why she acted like she did. She completely regressed and acted like a 2 year old. Not only was I completely mortified, but I didn't know how to speak to her with everyone watching me! It was a nightmare! She is doing a little better now when she talks about Kindergarten. She isn't as terrified. We keep talking to her about all the toys we saw there and about how much fun she will have. Hopefully it works, I'd hate to see her get on the bus tomorrow kicking and screaming!
Things with Dan aren't as great lately. We're working on some stuff, but I hope we can get over it soon. His father and I got into an argument last weekend which has put everyone up in the air. His dad implied that I am not a good wife. Then his mother started saying how I'm always misearable at their home, and basically said that I'm the reason Dan doesn't come home more often. The end resulted in his father is never coming to my home again, and I am not going out there again. Dan is pretty pissed off at everyone.... including himself. His dad was screaming and yelling at me, telling me all these things, and Dan didn't stick up for me or stop it at all. He just stood there, saying nothing. I feel very betrayed by that. He has appologized over and over again, and I know that I need to let it go, but I'm so hurt. We are getting better day by day, but I don't know how our marriage is going to work knowing his dad can't come out here ever again, and I won't be traveling out there. My family was pretty upset with Dan as well, but they are easing up. He acknowledged he made a mistake, and they are treating him somewhat normally.
Friends... hmmm where do I begin???? Jen and I are good again, we've been hanging out a little bit more. I haven't spoken to Tracy in a while. I think she's mad at me, but at this point I really don't care. I had a 6 week break from school, and I tried to get together with her, but *surprise surprise* she has a new boyfriend, so we didn't get together. I'm not inviting her to my birthday this year either. I gave her several times where I was available to get together. It clearly wasn't important to her, so I am over it. If I were any type of friend to her, she would have tried somehow.... right???
School has been amazing! I just started my last official semester of classes this week, and then I start student teaching in January! I went back to 23 school with Mrs. Conner for a few days to see how the first couple days of classes goes, and it was so nice seeing the kids again. She moved up to 2nd grade this year, and took half of her kids with her, so it was nice to see everyone again! I was even told of a few positions opening up at the end of the year, so you bet your butt I will be applying! haha I find out in 4 days what school I will be in for this semester! I'm very excited about that! I requested Churchville, but I'm not sure if that will work out. I will be happy with any placement. All I know is that I will be in 4th-6th grade. I am thinking of taking a few extra classes after I graduate in May to get my certification in Birth-2 as well, so when I am done I will be certified Birth-6th. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'll do it. I feel that it will make me more marketable, as people now are only getting certified either Birth-2 or 1-6. I'm just praying I get a job once I graduate! I'm hoping to make some good connections while doing my OPE this semester and my Student Teaching so I will have good recommendations upon graduation! Ahh I can't wait!
March 11, 2009
So I heard the most AMAZING news a few weeks ago, and I'm honestly shocked I haven't written it in here yet! Ready for this??? I'M GONNA BE AN AUNT!!!!!! That's right, my sister is preggers! I am so excited, it's unnatural! I haven't really been around anyone that has pregnant before. Obviously I had 2 children, and I was there when Marisa was pregnant, but we were preggers at the same time so I didn't get too much time to be excited for her, I was focused more on myself. This time it's my sister who is preggers, and I get to spoil her and take the baby overnight and for playdates! Ahhh so excited!!!!!!! This may put a damper on her wedding, but we're working on that. She just moved into my mom's house and their new "apartment" looks gorgeous! Jeremy and his dad did amazing work, I'm so happy for them!
Dave and Cassie get married in a few weeks. I should be more excited about it, but like a dumbass I signed up for one of my certification tests (L.A.S.T.) on the day before their wedding. Ugh. So I won't even get in town till the night before. It's gonna suck. I have so much studying to do for this test, and it's not like I have any less schoolwork. So it's just gonna be tough. Oh well. But the good news is both of the kids are in the wedding so it will be adorable.
Still not talking to Jen really. She confuses me. She cries about not having money and then when we ask her to cut Ben's and Dan's hair, she doesn't show/doesn't call, and never makes an attempt to reschedule. Well we aren't asking her anymore, that's for sure. Dan just got his hair cut at Super Cuts, and Ben's hair is still shaggy, but we're having Tammy do it next week. She got mad at me because of some dumb thing of FB because I tagged her as a "drama queen"... like it isn't true?!?!?!? But apparently she told Marisa that I'm the drama queen... HA! Even Marisa laughed about that one! We both agree it's hilarious that she doesn't see it! Oh well... Jen's having a game night at her house in a week, and it was based around my schedule, but i'm not going. She gets so upset about something dumb but expects me to show up? Nope. I'd rather hang at home and get some serious studying done and time with the family.
I am also excited for this summer! Dan and I are going on a mini vacation with Tracy and Ryan this August! We're all going to Niagara Falls for a weekend! I'm stoked! Plus it will be Dan and my 4 year wedding anniversary, so it's twice as sweet!
And just a little note about school.... I really am enjoying myself. The classes aren't "hard", it's just a lot of work. I started observing about a month ago and it seems to be going really well! I'm in a 1st grade class at school #23. The kids are great, and I'm learning a lot! But the best part is that a girl from my class Katie is also doing OPE in the same class, so we get to talk and keep each other company. I really like everyone in my classes. It's awesome, because it makes going to school not as dreadful! haha
Alright, I have 2 powerpoint presentations, a set of lesson plans, and a paper due next week, so I better get started on that!
So I heard the most AMAZING news a few weeks ago, and I'm honestly shocked I haven't written it in here yet! Ready for this??? I'M GONNA BE AN AUNT!!!!!! That's right, my sister is preggers! I am so excited, it's unnatural! I haven't really been around anyone that has pregnant before. Obviously I had 2 children, and I was there when Marisa was pregnant, but we were preggers at the same time so I didn't get too much time to be excited for her, I was focused more on myself. This time it's my sister who is preggers, and I get to spoil her and take the baby overnight and for playdates! Ahhh so excited!!!!!!! This may put a damper on her wedding, but we're working on that. She just moved into my mom's house and their new "apartment" looks gorgeous! Jeremy and his dad did amazing work, I'm so happy for them!
Dave and Cassie get married in a few weeks. I should be more excited about it, but like a dumbass I signed up for one of my certification tests (L.A.S.T.) on the day before their wedding. Ugh. So I won't even get in town till the night before. It's gonna suck. I have so much studying to do for this test, and it's not like I have any less schoolwork. So it's just gonna be tough. Oh well. But the good news is both of the kids are in the wedding so it will be adorable.
Still not talking to Jen really. She confuses me. She cries about not having money and then when we ask her to cut Ben's and Dan's hair, she doesn't show/doesn't call, and never makes an attempt to reschedule. Well we aren't asking her anymore, that's for sure. Dan just got his hair cut at Super Cuts, and Ben's hair is still shaggy, but we're having Tammy do it next week. She got mad at me because of some dumb thing of FB because I tagged her as a "drama queen"... like it isn't true?!?!?!? But apparently she told Marisa that I'm the drama queen... HA! Even Marisa laughed about that one! We both agree it's hilarious that she doesn't see it! Oh well... Jen's having a game night at her house in a week, and it was based around my schedule, but i'm not going. She gets so upset about something dumb but expects me to show up? Nope. I'd rather hang at home and get some serious studying done and time with the family.
I am also excited for this summer! Dan and I are going on a mini vacation with Tracy and Ryan this August! We're all going to Niagara Falls for a weekend! I'm stoked! Plus it will be Dan and my 4 year wedding anniversary, so it's twice as sweet!
And just a little note about school.... I really am enjoying myself. The classes aren't "hard", it's just a lot of work. I started observing about a month ago and it seems to be going really well! I'm in a 1st grade class at school #23. The kids are great, and I'm learning a lot! But the best part is that a girl from my class Katie is also doing OPE in the same class, so we get to talk and keep each other company. I really like everyone in my classes. It's awesome, because it makes going to school not as dreadful! haha
Alright, I have 2 powerpoint presentations, a set of lesson plans, and a paper due next week, so I better get started on that!
February 10th, 2009
So I just read almost my entire LJ from start to finish, and I must say that I think I am so lucky. There have been times in my life that I have really struggled with my family, friends, school, and everything in between. Yet now, it seems that it all comes so easily. I have an amazing family, and it only seemed right that I stay home during the day to raise my children so that I may go to school full time at night. It isn't even hard really. Sure, it's a lot of work, but I have no "internal conflicts" wondering if I am doing the right thing. It is almost as if this were the only path to choose in the first place. I am genuinely happy to be doing what I am right now.
My marriage is great, Dan and I are still very much in love, and it seems that our love has only grown over these past 6 and a half years. We have beautiful children, who are both unique in their own ways. I have no doubts that they will both do great things in their life. I often wonder what I did to deserve such a great marriage. My past relationship with Mike was so great at the beginning, and then it all fell to pieces when he cheated on me, and I guess I have always expected the same to happen in my current relationship. I know that Mike and I were young when we dated, but that doesn't mean we didn't love each other during those 2 years. But look how that love turned out... so I guess I've been "waiting for the ball to drop". But I have come to the realization that maybe this is my reality... that I just cashed in the winning lottery ticket and got him as my prize. That is exactly how I feel. Mike and I were trying to work things out after Dan and I were together in November, and as much as I wanted to be with Mike, I took a "gamble" on Dan, and it turned out to be the best choice ever.
My relationship with certain friends has been rocky I guess, but I honestly think it is my fault. For example, currently I am not really talking to Jen. I'm not "mad" at her, but currently I need people who are super supportive about me going to school full time, and she is not. She has said from the start that this is a mistake, and that I am selfish for going, etc. I need people who "get" me, and who understand that if I don't go now, I might not ever go. I used to go to "girls dinner" once every few weeks with Tonja, Melissa, and Lindsey, and what I liked most about those girls is that nobody ever judged me. I was the only married one with kids, and they never thought "she should be home with her kids instead of being in school"... they always supported my decisions. Stacey has made a few comments about how she thinks I shouldn't go to school right away, but once I told her my decision was final, she supported me 100%. I need friends who understand that I may not text them back all the time because I'm in the middle of studying for my teaching exams, or doing research or lesson plans, and I need friends who don't take that personally.
Tracy and I were in a silly argument, and yet I still consider her my best friend. We didn't talk for months, but when we finally got together again you wouldn't have known it. Tracy understands my schedule, as she just finished her Masters. We hung out a few weeks ago, and made plans to see each other in 5 weeks! haha But she doesn't take offense to that, she's perfectly understanding. By the way, she has the most amazing boyfriend!!!! I am so happy for her! I think she is going to marry him, which is just AMAZING!!!!
Obviously Marisa is understanding, and Laurie is as well. Laurie is so busy with school and wedding planning that she most definately understands, which is nice. Those are the kind of people I need. Even my father has been amazingly supportive.
My point in saying all this is that no matter what my problems have been in the past, it seems that it has only led me to a brighter future. I am truly blessed to be where I am right now in my life, and I hope people know that I appreciate all the love and support.
So I just read almost my entire LJ from start to finish, and I must say that I think I am so lucky. There have been times in my life that I have really struggled with my family, friends, school, and everything in between. Yet now, it seems that it all comes so easily. I have an amazing family, and it only seemed right that I stay home during the day to raise my children so that I may go to school full time at night. It isn't even hard really. Sure, it's a lot of work, but I have no "internal conflicts" wondering if I am doing the right thing. It is almost as if this were the only path to choose in the first place. I am genuinely happy to be doing what I am right now.
My marriage is great, Dan and I are still very much in love, and it seems that our love has only grown over these past 6 and a half years. We have beautiful children, who are both unique in their own ways. I have no doubts that they will both do great things in their life. I often wonder what I did to deserve such a great marriage. My past relationship with Mike was so great at the beginning, and then it all fell to pieces when he cheated on me, and I guess I have always expected the same to happen in my current relationship. I know that Mike and I were young when we dated, but that doesn't mean we didn't love each other during those 2 years. But look how that love turned out... so I guess I've been "waiting for the ball to drop". But I have come to the realization that maybe this is my reality... that I just cashed in the winning lottery ticket and got him as my prize. That is exactly how I feel. Mike and I were trying to work things out after Dan and I were together in November, and as much as I wanted to be with Mike, I took a "gamble" on Dan, and it turned out to be the best choice ever.
My relationship with certain friends has been rocky I guess, but I honestly think it is my fault. For example, currently I am not really talking to Jen. I'm not "mad" at her, but currently I need people who are super supportive about me going to school full time, and she is not. She has said from the start that this is a mistake, and that I am selfish for going, etc. I need people who "get" me, and who understand that if I don't go now, I might not ever go. I used to go to "girls dinner" once every few weeks with Tonja, Melissa, and Lindsey, and what I liked most about those girls is that nobody ever judged me. I was the only married one with kids, and they never thought "she should be home with her kids instead of being in school"... they always supported my decisions. Stacey has made a few comments about how she thinks I shouldn't go to school right away, but once I told her my decision was final, she supported me 100%. I need friends who understand that I may not text them back all the time because I'm in the middle of studying for my teaching exams, or doing research or lesson plans, and I need friends who don't take that personally.
Tracy and I were in a silly argument, and yet I still consider her my best friend. We didn't talk for months, but when we finally got together again you wouldn't have known it. Tracy understands my schedule, as she just finished her Masters. We hung out a few weeks ago, and made plans to see each other in 5 weeks! haha But she doesn't take offense to that, she's perfectly understanding. By the way, she has the most amazing boyfriend!!!! I am so happy for her! I think she is going to marry him, which is just AMAZING!!!!
Obviously Marisa is understanding, and Laurie is as well. Laurie is so busy with school and wedding planning that she most definately understands, which is nice. Those are the kind of people I need. Even my father has been amazingly supportive.
My point in saying all this is that no matter what my problems have been in the past, it seems that it has only led me to a brighter future. I am truly blessed to be where I am right now in my life, and I hope people know that I appreciate all the love and support.
January 18th, 2009
Well, I started grad school this week! It is going to be a ton of work (that is an understatement) but I am confident I will do well. I enjoyed all of my classes, which is something I was not expecting. A few of my classes have papers/research due on people with disabilities, and my undergrad background makes that subject all to easy for me, so I'm not worried in the slightest about that. I AM worried about all of the lesson planning stuff, as I am not familiar with it at all. It will be challenging, but I am positive I can do my best.
Audrey has already started acting out since I have started school, which suprises me a bit. I figured she would start to act up after a few weeks of me leaving every night, but I think she saw a pattern establishing and freaked out. Ben doesn't get it, thank goodness. I am trying to spend as much time as possible with the kids during the day, playing and doing crafts, so that when I leave they are sick of me... We'll see how that goes.
My trip to Vegas this August has been booked! Dan and I have decided to bring Audrey with us, so we are hoping this will be a good choice. She will be 5 years old by then, and there really are quite a bit of things for kids to do out there, so we are bringing her. She's very excited to go on a vacation, not to mention the plane! She can't stop talking about it! We are going out there for my sisters wedding on August 26th at Caesars Palace! We are all so excited! I must admit that for some reason I am terrified to have Audrey fly. I am being extremely unreasonable with my fears that the plane will go down, and we will leave Benjamin (who I think my mother in law is watching) all alone in the world. I am so worried I am setting up a Will before I leave. Isn't that morbid???
Well, I started grad school this week! It is going to be a ton of work (that is an understatement) but I am confident I will do well. I enjoyed all of my classes, which is something I was not expecting. A few of my classes have papers/research due on people with disabilities, and my undergrad background makes that subject all to easy for me, so I'm not worried in the slightest about that. I AM worried about all of the lesson planning stuff, as I am not familiar with it at all. It will be challenging, but I am positive I can do my best.
Audrey has already started acting out since I have started school, which suprises me a bit. I figured she would start to act up after a few weeks of me leaving every night, but I think she saw a pattern establishing and freaked out. Ben doesn't get it, thank goodness. I am trying to spend as much time as possible with the kids during the day, playing and doing crafts, so that when I leave they are sick of me... We'll see how that goes.
My trip to Vegas this August has been booked! Dan and I have decided to bring Audrey with us, so we are hoping this will be a good choice. She will be 5 years old by then, and there really are quite a bit of things for kids to do out there, so we are bringing her. She's very excited to go on a vacation, not to mention the plane! She can't stop talking about it! We are going out there for my sisters wedding on August 26th at Caesars Palace! We are all so excited! I must admit that for some reason I am terrified to have Audrey fly. I am being extremely unreasonable with my fears that the plane will go down, and we will leave Benjamin (who I think my mother in law is watching) all alone in the world. I am so worried I am setting up a Will before I leave. Isn't that morbid???
December 17th, 2008
Once again it is Christmas time. This is normally my favorite time of the year, but that's not the case this year. I am basically broke and that makes me feel like crap. I spent about $10 on my mom, $15 on my dad... I just feel so cheap. Dan and I didn't even over-do it for the kids this year, and they are my favorite ones to buy for. I hear all the cute stuff that other people are buying for their kids, or friends, whatever, and then I feel even worse!!!!! It sucks!!! Why has this holiday gotten so out of control with gift giving? It makes me feel like crap! I'm broke people!!!! I only work 2 days/week so how am I supposed to celebrate this holdiay?
Even better, starting in January, we don't have health insurance because our health premiums sky-rocketed so we cancelled it. UGH...
And then there is the friend issue. Tracy and I aren't speaking. I'm not sure we are in a fight, but there aren't words being exchanged. I finally spoke my mind, and now I get one less friend. Everytime she see's a new guy, she puts me on the back burner. I'm not sure if she does it with her other friends, but it definately happens to me. The only time that didn't happen was when she was with Brad (I set her up with him... My mistake) but that was the only time. Now she seems to be really happy with her new guy, but yet I am left out. Do I suck it up and start talking to her first? Or do I let her try to talk to me? She sent my husband a text on thanksgiving and not me... that was low. I was so upset, she knew I would be. I am always there for her when things are shitty... ALWAYS. But when she's happy I get no part of that. She needs advice, I'm there. She needs a ride home while I'm at work at 4am.. I leave work to go get her. She's done a lot for me too when I needed her (she wrote me a grad school recommendation), but I just wanna share the good along with the bad.. is that too much to ask?
Marisa isn't in a good place emotionally, she broke up with her girlfriend and she's really messed up about it. I hate seeing her so sad, but she's just the type to give and give, and therefore she gets taken advantage of. I hate it. Then there's Jen... where do I begin? She just moved into a house with her boyfriend of approximately 4 weeks!!.. yes, WEEKS!!!!! He has a little girl so they basically have this little family now. But I met him once and wasn't impressed. That's just so unstable for Alex, but I'm being good and have been extremely supportive. She really seems to love this guy, so I really wish her the best, but she really has me worried.
OH.. and Julie and Jeremy broke up... for a day! They decided to cancel the wedding at first, then they decided to post-pone it... and now they have decided to do it in Las Vegas. They have set the date for August 26th of this coming summer. I'm excited for her, but I'm really nervous. I hope she is making the right decision. They are both under the impression that the wedding was stressing them out, so they wanted to do a small yet elegant one in Vegas. I am putting a lot of it together, although I am being careful not to overstep my role (which is always hard when it comes to planning things). I just want it to be the right decision for them. Apparently they are back to "normal" without the stress of a big wedding, so maybe this was just what they needed. I hope so anyways!
The one thing that doesn't have me worried is Dan... thank goodness for him. It's amazing, but we feel more in love than ever before. I have been getting a lot closer to Stacey, which is great. She's just amazing. I feel like there isn't anything that we have to hide from her, which is great to have in a friendship (especially because I walk on egg shells with so many of my friends). And obviously I have Amy... she's just the most amazing person ever. At least I have them <3
November 5th, 2008
Just wanted to say that yesterday the United States of America made history... The first Black President of the USA was elected. I myself voted for Barack Obama to be the next leader for this nation. I first took my children and my grandmother to the polls so she could vote, as she wanted to do it during the day, and I then I took my kids to my polling station and we voted together. They were right there in the booth with me, and I did that on purpose. I really wanted them to be there as history was possibly made. I wanted to be able to tell them that they were there....
This is an amazing time in history!
Just wanted to say that yesterday the United States of America made history... The first Black President of the USA was elected. I myself voted for Barack Obama to be the next leader for this nation. I first took my children and my grandmother to the polls so she could vote, as she wanted to do it during the day, and I then I took my kids to my polling station and we voted together. They were right there in the booth with me, and I did that on purpose. I really wanted them to be there as history was possibly made. I wanted to be able to tell them that they were there....
This is an amazing time in history!
October 25th, 2008
I just wanted to clarify why I am so excited about grad school. When Dan and I got pregnant at 20 and got married at 21, numerous amounts of people told me to be sure to stay in school, follow my dream, don't let my family get in my way of my passion etc.... well every single class after having a child hurt like hell because I had an overwhelming guilt about being somewhere that my child couldn't go. But the guilt wore off after a while because I knew that someday my child would be proud... and then I got pregnant AGAIN.
This threw me for a loop because Audrey at this point was potty trained, communicating great, and understood that mommy had school but would be home soon.... I had to start all over again. I chose to breastfeed my kids, so in between classes I was running out to my car, pumping, and then going back out to my car to store the milk and the pump... for months this went on, and it was a hassle. On top of my motherly duties, I had schoolwork... and a hell of a lot to be exact. When I finally made the choice to work overnights full time and go to school full time, it really was a struggle. I went for days without getting more than 2 hours of sleep, but it was because when I got home I wanted to be with my children and not sleep.. maybe it was foolish, but that's just me. My classes got harder and harder, but before I knew it I was able to graduate.... and I did it with a lot of student loans, but even more important I respected myself for my accomplishment.
So here comes the idea of graduate school... First of all I must say SCREW YOU to people who have doubted me, or laughed when I said I was going for teaching, not because the thought of me being a teacher is bad, but because I have changed my mind about my occupation a lot. Well the reason I have been changing my mind a lot is simply because there are very few things that I think I couldn't do... so I could see myself as a nurse, or a social worker, or anything else that I have ever contimplated being in my life... I am not cocky, I just know I want to work in the 'helping field' and I think that I have the brains to do anything I want. I finally decided on teaching because of my children. I have two children who are polar opposites. Audrey is a gifted child, she was communicating very early on and has not stopped since. She is very bright, and learns by listening. She can hear something once and never forget it. While as a mother I find this trait in her quite annoying (you can never say something like "audrey you can play with that next thursday" because she will remember and bring it up first thing thursday morning) as a future educator I find this quite amazing. Ben is quite different. He still is not anywhere near Audrey's communication level when she was half his age (true story) but his comprehension level astounds us. He is very much a hands on learner, and has to touch and feel everything to get a good sense of what it is and what it does. Therefore, it is my children who have really pushed me to keep going and I am not going to look back.
Not only did I graduate after having to work full time and go to school full time on top of being a wife and mother of two, but I did well enough in school to gain admittance into Graduate school where they only accepted approximately 10% of applicants!!!! I have "friends" who say that I need to be careful, I am doing too much, etc.. but that is not what I need. People should know by now how stubborn I am, and when I put my mind to do something I am going to do it, so theres no changing my mind. What I need is support and understanding. This program is only 16 months long, and while it may be rough, I will be a teacher after that, and have no more schooling left to go. I already have the support of my husband, my father, and my sister (and those are really the only people I need support from) but I am asking for EVERYONES support, NO negativity!! This is my life, my dream, and thanks to Roberts Wesleyan College I will be fulfilling that dream in May of 2010!!!!!
I just wanted to clarify why I am so excited about grad school. When Dan and I got pregnant at 20 and got married at 21, numerous amounts of people told me to be sure to stay in school, follow my dream, don't let my family get in my way of my passion etc.... well every single class after having a child hurt like hell because I had an overwhelming guilt about being somewhere that my child couldn't go. But the guilt wore off after a while because I knew that someday my child would be proud... and then I got pregnant AGAIN.
This threw me for a loop because Audrey at this point was potty trained, communicating great, and understood that mommy had school but would be home soon.... I had to start all over again. I chose to breastfeed my kids, so in between classes I was running out to my car, pumping, and then going back out to my car to store the milk and the pump... for months this went on, and it was a hassle. On top of my motherly duties, I had schoolwork... and a hell of a lot to be exact. When I finally made the choice to work overnights full time and go to school full time, it really was a struggle. I went for days without getting more than 2 hours of sleep, but it was because when I got home I wanted to be with my children and not sleep.. maybe it was foolish, but that's just me. My classes got harder and harder, but before I knew it I was able to graduate.... and I did it with a lot of student loans, but even more important I respected myself for my accomplishment.
So here comes the idea of graduate school... First of all I must say SCREW YOU to people who have doubted me, or laughed when I said I was going for teaching, not because the thought of me being a teacher is bad, but because I have changed my mind about my occupation a lot. Well the reason I have been changing my mind a lot is simply because there are very few things that I think I couldn't do... so I could see myself as a nurse, or a social worker, or anything else that I have ever contimplated being in my life... I am not cocky, I just know I want to work in the 'helping field' and I think that I have the brains to do anything I want. I finally decided on teaching because of my children. I have two children who are polar opposites. Audrey is a gifted child, she was communicating very early on and has not stopped since. She is very bright, and learns by listening. She can hear something once and never forget it. While as a mother I find this trait in her quite annoying (you can never say something like "audrey you can play with that next thursday" because she will remember and bring it up first thing thursday morning) as a future educator I find this quite amazing. Ben is quite different. He still is not anywhere near Audrey's communication level when she was half his age (true story) but his comprehension level astounds us. He is very much a hands on learner, and has to touch and feel everything to get a good sense of what it is and what it does. Therefore, it is my children who have really pushed me to keep going and I am not going to look back.
Not only did I graduate after having to work full time and go to school full time on top of being a wife and mother of two, but I did well enough in school to gain admittance into Graduate school where they only accepted approximately 10% of applicants!!!! I have "friends" who say that I need to be careful, I am doing too much, etc.. but that is not what I need. People should know by now how stubborn I am, and when I put my mind to do something I am going to do it, so theres no changing my mind. What I need is support and understanding. This program is only 16 months long, and while it may be rough, I will be a teacher after that, and have no more schooling left to go. I already have the support of my husband, my father, and my sister (and those are really the only people I need support from) but I am asking for EVERYONES support, NO negativity!! This is my life, my dream, and thanks to Roberts Wesleyan College I will be fulfilling that dream in May of 2010!!!!!
October 24th, 2008
Well in case you couldnt tell by the title, I found out today that I got ACCEPTED to grad school at Roberts Wesleyan College!!! I start in January!!! I am so ridiculously EXCITED about this it's not even funny!!!! I am going to be a TEACHER!!! How exciting is that??? I can't even begin to explain how I feel...
All I know is that this is the BEST birthday present I could have ever asked for!!!! I have received a lot of negativity about this issue, because people think I am signing up for too much... but I have my mind set and I am hoping that people respect my decision. I start in January and I will be done in 16 months, so it's not like I am signing up for an additional 5 years, it's 16 months of LONG HARD work, but it will be worth it!!!
I AM SO THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 17th, 2008
Well I am officially a housewife! I quit my job one week ago and so far it's going well! Dan really has a bet going that I will be looking for a new job in 1 week but I don't think so. Staying home is definately mentally challenging haha, but it's kinda fun too! The other day I took the kids outside to pick up pine-cones, and I ended up pulling them in the wagon around the neighborhood... it was just nice to actually have the time to do it without worrying about what time it was. Yesterday we did lots of crafts, and while Ben slept I studied and Audrey had quiet time... it was awesome! Today we are going to Wegmans and then Target, with no worry about time constraints! I know it sounds silly, but when I used to get home after 5pm, I would only have 3 hours with the kids to eat and play before they have to go to bed. It was all very rushed. Now I get all day to enjoy them! They are actually LESS cranky when i'm here... at least that's my experience so far! haha
Dan, Dave, my daddy and I just went to Cleveland to watch the Monday night football game vs. the Giants... the Giants LOST!!! That was pretty upsetting, but we all really had a blast. I still haven't heard from Grad School yet. I called last week and the lady I spoke with said that it hadn't gone to committee yet, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but it didn't sound like she was telling the truth. It sounded like she knew it was a denial, but didn't wanna tell me over the phone. She said I should know within about 2 weeks. GRRRR I'm gonna be so upset if I dont get in. I understand that I only applied to ONE place, and they really only accept 15%-20% of applicants, so my chances are really low of getting in, but that doesn't change the fact that I want this BAD. OK... I will stop being negative now...
My sister just emailed me, she's having a hard time with some wedding stuff... my mom has upset her once again. I wish I could tell her how to handle my mom, but I can't. I don't have any tricks up my sleeve because the fact is she is bipolar, and she changes constantly. She is always upset and making comments to degrade me (not so much Julie) but it's what she does. My mom is upset that Jenn and Adam are in the wedding, but they are our siblings now, so what did she want Julie to do, ignore them? I feel bad for Julie.. planning a wedding is no easy task, especially when it comes to our parents haha...
Alright I'm gonna go do the grocery shopping now! Fun stuff! *oh, I just talked to my ex's sister, apparently he and his wife are having a baby! How crazy is that? I am done having babies, and he has just started... quite ironic!* Is it weird to still want to know what he's up to after all this time? It's just curiousity, but is that weird to wonder? Oh well! Off to shopping with my babies!!! <3
Well I am officially a housewife! I quit my job one week ago and so far it's going well! Dan really has a bet going that I will be looking for a new job in 1 week but I don't think so. Staying home is definately mentally challenging haha, but it's kinda fun too! The other day I took the kids outside to pick up pine-cones, and I ended up pulling them in the wagon around the neighborhood... it was just nice to actually have the time to do it without worrying about what time it was. Yesterday we did lots of crafts, and while Ben slept I studied and Audrey had quiet time... it was awesome! Today we are going to Wegmans and then Target, with no worry about time constraints! I know it sounds silly, but when I used to get home after 5pm, I would only have 3 hours with the kids to eat and play before they have to go to bed. It was all very rushed. Now I get all day to enjoy them! They are actually LESS cranky when i'm here... at least that's my experience so far! haha
Dan, Dave, my daddy and I just went to Cleveland to watch the Monday night football game vs. the Giants... the Giants LOST!!! That was pretty upsetting, but we all really had a blast. I still haven't heard from Grad School yet. I called last week and the lady I spoke with said that it hadn't gone to committee yet, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but it didn't sound like she was telling the truth. It sounded like she knew it was a denial, but didn't wanna tell me over the phone. She said I should know within about 2 weeks. GRRRR I'm gonna be so upset if I dont get in. I understand that I only applied to ONE place, and they really only accept 15%-20% of applicants, so my chances are really low of getting in, but that doesn't change the fact that I want this BAD. OK... I will stop being negative now...
My sister just emailed me, she's having a hard time with some wedding stuff... my mom has upset her once again. I wish I could tell her how to handle my mom, but I can't. I don't have any tricks up my sleeve because the fact is she is bipolar, and she changes constantly. She is always upset and making comments to degrade me (not so much Julie) but it's what she does. My mom is upset that Jenn and Adam are in the wedding, but they are our siblings now, so what did she want Julie to do, ignore them? I feel bad for Julie.. planning a wedding is no easy task, especially when it comes to our parents haha...
Alright I'm gonna go do the grocery shopping now! Fun stuff! *oh, I just talked to my ex's sister, apparently he and his wife are having a baby! How crazy is that? I am done having babies, and he has just started... quite ironic!* Is it weird to still want to know what he's up to after all this time? It's just curiousity, but is that weird to wonder? Oh well! Off to shopping with my babies!!! <3
October 1st, 2008
I just wanted to post right now saying how terrified I am right now. I still havent heard from my grad school and I just put in my notice at work... what happens if I don't get in? Everyone says "oh don't worry, you'll get in" but what else are they gonna say? What if I just quit my job to focus on my school and my children, and I don't get into school??? What will my friends say? What will my family think of me? I'm supposed to be the "smart one"... what if I just fucked everything up???
I just wanted to post right now saying how terrified I am right now. I still havent heard from my grad school and I just put in my notice at work... what happens if I don't get in? Everyone says "oh don't worry, you'll get in" but what else are they gonna say? What if I just quit my job to focus on my school and my children, and I don't get into school??? What will my friends say? What will my family think of me? I'm supposed to be the "smart one"... what if I just fucked everything up???
September 27th, 2008
Well, I put in my notice... it didn't go so well to say the least. But I just gotta leave it be. My last official day will be October 10th. Thats nuts. Yesterday after work we made the trip out to Duanesburg, but our car broke down so this trip is costing us a lot more money than we were hoping. We are here now, I am at Anna's house as I write this, and things are good. Dan is miserable. He hates coming out here. He admitted it last night. He said that he always gets miserable when he comes out here, and the few days before and after.... I'm glad that he notices it, because I didnt want to say anything.
I am really just stressed out right now... I feel so helpless and I hate feeling like this because I feel sluggish, lazy, just plain depressed. I hate this..
This probably wasnt the right time to quit... I am not sure if this was the right choice
Well, I put in my notice... it didn't go so well to say the least. But I just gotta leave it be. My last official day will be October 10th. Thats nuts. Yesterday after work we made the trip out to Duanesburg, but our car broke down so this trip is costing us a lot more money than we were hoping. We are here now, I am at Anna's house as I write this, and things are good. Dan is miserable. He hates coming out here. He admitted it last night. He said that he always gets miserable when he comes out here, and the few days before and after.... I'm glad that he notices it, because I didnt want to say anything.
I am really just stressed out right now... I feel so helpless and I hate feeling like this because I feel sluggish, lazy, just plain depressed. I hate this..
This probably wasnt the right time to quit... I am not sure if this was the right choice
September 25th, 2008
Well, last night I had a meeting at Crestwood (i'm a relief staff there still so I have to attend those) and while there I was talking to the big boss and asked him when I was making a come back. He laughed, but then I told him I was serious, and that I wanted to come back part time on weekends, and he asked me to follow him into his office. I did so, and he told me that one of the cottages is in need of another overnight staff on the weekends, and that he can put me down for every weekend if I'd like. I asked him about how secure it would be, and he told me that he can guarantee those days for a pretty long time... so I'm gonna do it. I'm just hoping that it's the right decision... I don't wanna screw my family, especially before the holiday season.
So I am doing it.. I am putting my 2 week notice in tomorrow.... YIKES!!!!!!!!! I can just imagine how it is gonna go. It will either be not a big deal, cuz lets face it, they hate me, or they will be pissed. Whatever, I don't care. I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I DO care, because I always care way to much about what others think of me, but I am just so frustrated it's ridiculous. The bitch still hasnt had that "talk" with me that she's been talking about for like 5 weeks now... fucking ridiculous. SO.... yea, i'm quitting. I told Crestwood that I can work any night of the week, so I am hoping they utilize me. I would rather go back to full time, but I will take this till one of the stupid guys leaves... that will be awesome!
Alright, gonna do some case notes for my almost ex job! I am home with Audrey today cuz she's been sick the past two days, so I am sure when I go back tomorrow and put my notice in they will be thrilled! haha
P.S. Going to Albany this weekend... it will probably be the last time for a long time because if I am committing myself to every weekend, I won't be making the trip anytime soon. Should be fun!
Well, last night I had a meeting at Crestwood (i'm a relief staff there still so I have to attend those) and while there I was talking to the big boss and asked him when I was making a come back. He laughed, but then I told him I was serious, and that I wanted to come back part time on weekends, and he asked me to follow him into his office. I did so, and he told me that one of the cottages is in need of another overnight staff on the weekends, and that he can put me down for every weekend if I'd like. I asked him about how secure it would be, and he told me that he can guarantee those days for a pretty long time... so I'm gonna do it. I'm just hoping that it's the right decision... I don't wanna screw my family, especially before the holiday season.
So I am doing it.. I am putting my 2 week notice in tomorrow.... YIKES!!!!!!!!! I can just imagine how it is gonna go. It will either be not a big deal, cuz lets face it, they hate me, or they will be pissed. Whatever, I don't care. I mean, anyone who knows me knows that I DO care, because I always care way to much about what others think of me, but I am just so frustrated it's ridiculous. The bitch still hasnt had that "talk" with me that she's been talking about for like 5 weeks now... fucking ridiculous. SO.... yea, i'm quitting. I told Crestwood that I can work any night of the week, so I am hoping they utilize me. I would rather go back to full time, but I will take this till one of the stupid guys leaves... that will be awesome!
Alright, gonna do some case notes for my almost ex job! I am home with Audrey today cuz she's been sick the past two days, so I am sure when I go back tomorrow and put my notice in they will be thrilled! haha
P.S. Going to Albany this weekend... it will probably be the last time for a long time because if I am committing myself to every weekend, I won't be making the trip anytime soon. Should be fun!
September 21st, 2008
The kids are great!!! Audrey just started a Pre-K class and she's doing great! She goes 4 days a week, and is the youngest kid in the class. It's actually a 5 year old class but when they met her they told me that she was better fit for the 5 year old class because she's so smart... it was a proud mommy moment! Benjamin is almost 2 now! He's talking a bit more now, but is still pretty non verbal. He's crazy smart though. He fully understands whats going on, and he's such a good baby!!! He eats like a horse, which is funny because from what I hear Dan acted the same way as a baby. I am just so blessed to have such wonderful kids.. don't get me wrong, my kids can be terrors, but they are my terrors and I <3 them!
Julie and Lauries wedding are a week apart in June and I am the matron of honor! I'm really excited! Dave's wedding is in April, so that's coming close too!!! Lots of weddings, lots of celebrations! It's a really exciting time! Other than that, not sure what is new! Maybe I'll update in another year! haha
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March 18th, 2008
It all started 8 days ago. I had something I have never had before, or at least not to the extent that this one had occured. I had my first panic attack. I think it was a panic attack anyways. I couldnt stop crying, and it wasnt the teary eyed sort of cry. This was the sobbing, drooling, can't catch my breath type of crying. I actually looked later that night and I had broken blood vessels on my eyelids due to all the crying. So that is just to give a clear idea of what exactly was happening.
Anyways, Friday was a normal day I suppose. I worked thursday night into friday morning like usual, then went to school, came home, spent time with the kiddies, and went to work friday night into saturday morning. At 7am Dan and I exchanged the kids in the work parking lot as usual, and I took the kids home. I was immediately in a bad mood, I dont really know why. I was very tired, I didnt get much sleep on friday, maybe 4 hours before work. On top of being just plain exhausted, Audrey was being a BRAT. I dont know what it is, I think she knows when I am feeling more cranky than normal, because it is on those days that she really likes to push my buttons. She was in timeout 10 minutes after we got home. Benjamin was cranky too. He has been sick, not feeling like himself at all. Dan and I had taken him to after hours on friday night but they said he just had a bad cold, and to not worry about it (the same thing they told us 2 weeks ago when we took him then because he was sick then as well).
I was so MAD. I told Audrey that mommy didnt sleep well the day before and that I was sorry if I was extra cranky today, but she (in true Audrey fashion) "Shhhh"ed me. GRRR!!!!! Again, she went in time out. By 11am, Audrey had been in timeout over 6 times. She questioned everything, refused to eat the breakfast that she specifically asked for, then refused to eat. And of course, 20 minutes later she was hungry but didnt want the breakfast I had made for her. I know that this is typical stuff, but I was just so angry that day. She defied me in every way. I kept telling myself that it was a normal 3 and a half year old thing to do, but I couldnt control in any longer. The next time she was in timeout, she was screaming (my daughter doesnt do anything but scream) and I smacked her... hard.
I dont know why I did it. I am used to her screaming. I have spanked her before, but it has been on her butt and it wasnt out of pure frustration. When I hit her this time, it was strictly because I was annoyed. I just wanted her to stop crying. I wanted some peace and quiet. I got anything but. The only thing I got was more tears from her and a terribly guilty conscience. So guilty that I started crying, and that caused my panic attack.
I felt as if I was losing control. I like to have control, ask anyone. I am known as the "planner". I am the person that people go to to help organize parties (or throw them), baby showers, bridal showers, birthday parties.. name it and I have planned it. I like it that way. I had ZERO help on my wedding, and it wasnt because my bridesmaids were slackers, it was because I am a control freak! When my kids lose control, I have no control ecause I cant physically make them stop. It is so un-nerving!!! I immediately called my best friend Tracy to vent, but she didnt answer so I called both of my parents.. no answer.
Finally I called my sister and just let loose. I told her how I felt that I have no help with the kids other than dan. Dan and I work opposite shifts, so we dont see each other much, and that means we dont parent the kids together at all. It is almost always me alone with the kids or Dan alone with the kids, never the two of us together. All of my family and friends know that I am working full time and going to school full time, and all of them basically tell me I am nuts and that I am over-doing it. But does anyone call me to offer to come over and help me? NO. Not once has anyone ever called and offered to come over so I can sleep a few extra hours for a day, or take the kids to the park so I can do some schoolwork. NOT A DAMN PERSON.
Everyone else I know has really strong family ties. My parents don't really help, my mom almost NEVER does, and my father is not much more than that. My sister is very immature for her age, suffering from a terrible case of "spoiled brat syndrome", so I literally have nobody to depend on. And my friends consider me the "lucky one" because I am married. I find that hilarious. Yes, I am lucky. I am married to a WONDERFUL man whom I am head over heals in love with, but when we see each other for a few hours a week, I dont consider myself lucky. It makes our marriage a living hell sometimes. We fight constantly, and when we finally have a few moments to ourselves we talk about money which leads to another fight.
Yes, we are parents, but we are also 24 years old and we would like some freedom sometimes. It's kinda hard to have that when we have to pay a sitter to watch them, and seeing as how we dont have any extra money lying around, guess how often we have a date night to ourselves? Maybe (big MAYBE) every 3 or 4 months. Pathetic. I know we took the hard road by having kids so young. Hell, my mom wanted me to have an abortion with both kids, and that certainly would have made our lives easier, but it is not what we wanted. We knew we would get married and have a family someday, but God just gave it to us a little sooner than expected. I have heard all too often that people are suprised that I have continued to stay in school, and I am glad they are shocked, because I am too. It would have been so easy to quit and use my children as an excuse. But I did it. I graduate in something like 55 days.
I am interviewing for new jobs. I am going to have a day job. I am going to still be making crap money. But I am happy! I will have a bit of normalcy. But yet, it is 55 days away and I cannot seem to get anyone to help me as I reach the home stretch. All I am asking for is a little support during the hardest semester of all, but I get nothing. My sister told my dad and I went through the whole scenario with him, and he called my mom so I went through it again with my mom after that. I got to work that night.. BOOM.. it hit me again, so I called Marisa to help me through it. Guess how many people called me the next day after my breakdown?
NOBODY. (I talked to Marisa through text messages but my family never called me). Not one word from my family who encouraged me the day before. All they said was that "It's so close, you can do it". It makes me wonder who really cares. I know they are my family, but how come I dont have that support? It's not just me who needs it. Poor Dan works all day, and as soon as he gets home I go to bed... so he goes from full time worker to full time dad in a matter of minutes. So he has to be the parent alone too. I dont even know what my point of all this is, I guess I just needed a place to vent, which is what this blog lets me do.
Once I get a job, I know that my life will be much more stress free. I had an interview on tuesday at DePaul. I would be a case worker for senior citizens (aka exactly what I want!) but my hopes are not up. A lot of people are interviewing for it and are super qualified, so :o/
I should know about it shortly. Wish me luck
Well once again I keep forgetting about this thing!!!! I just can't seem to delete it however, it dates way to far back and I like reading all my old entries!!! So... lets see... I GRADUATED IN MAY!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!
I think I forgot to mention last year that my dad got married! Crazy right?!? I officially have a step mom and a step brother and sister. My mom is still seeing that guy John, but no ring or anything yet. Apparently he asked her to marry him, but has not given her a ring yet. It's so stupid. She's basically just using him cuz she doesnt wanna be alone... what an example to set for your children right?
Dan and I are great! We just celebrated our 3 year anniversary! Yay! This year will be 6 years together, so we are doing something right!!! He's still at CCC on the day shift, but he's getting sick of it. The kids are just bad I guess and he's sick of going from bratty kids at work to bratty kids at home. He just needs to figure out what he wants to do with his life and then he can make a change.
The kids are great!!! Audrey just started a Pre-K class and she's doing great! She goes 4 days a week, and is the youngest kid in the class. It's actually a 5 year old class but when they met her they told me that she was better fit for the 5 year old class because she's so smart... it was a proud mommy moment! Benjamin is almost 2 now! He's talking a bit more now, but is still pretty non verbal. He's crazy smart though. He fully understands whats going on, and he's such a good baby!!! He eats like a horse, which is funny because from what I hear Dan acted the same way as a baby. I am just so blessed to have such wonderful kids.. don't get me wrong, my kids can be terrors, but they are my terrors and I <3 them!
Julie and Lauries wedding are a week apart in June and I am the matron of honor! I'm really excited! Dave's wedding is in April, so that's coming close too!!! Lots of weddings, lots of celebrations! It's a really exciting time! Other than that, not sure what is new! Maybe I'll update in another year! haha
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March 18th, 2008
It all started 8 days ago. I had something I have never had before, or at least not to the extent that this one had occured. I had my first panic attack. I think it was a panic attack anyways. I couldnt stop crying, and it wasnt the teary eyed sort of cry. This was the sobbing, drooling, can't catch my breath type of crying. I actually looked later that night and I had broken blood vessels on my eyelids due to all the crying. So that is just to give a clear idea of what exactly was happening.
Anyways, Friday was a normal day I suppose. I worked thursday night into friday morning like usual, then went to school, came home, spent time with the kiddies, and went to work friday night into saturday morning. At 7am Dan and I exchanged the kids in the work parking lot as usual, and I took the kids home. I was immediately in a bad mood, I dont really know why. I was very tired, I didnt get much sleep on friday, maybe 4 hours before work. On top of being just plain exhausted, Audrey was being a BRAT. I dont know what it is, I think she knows when I am feeling more cranky than normal, because it is on those days that she really likes to push my buttons. She was in timeout 10 minutes after we got home. Benjamin was cranky too. He has been sick, not feeling like himself at all. Dan and I had taken him to after hours on friday night but they said he just had a bad cold, and to not worry about it (the same thing they told us 2 weeks ago when we took him then because he was sick then as well).
I was so MAD. I told Audrey that mommy didnt sleep well the day before and that I was sorry if I was extra cranky today, but she (in true Audrey fashion) "Shhhh"ed me. GRRR!!!!! Again, she went in time out. By 11am, Audrey had been in timeout over 6 times. She questioned everything, refused to eat the breakfast that she specifically asked for, then refused to eat. And of course, 20 minutes later she was hungry but didnt want the breakfast I had made for her. I know that this is typical stuff, but I was just so angry that day. She defied me in every way. I kept telling myself that it was a normal 3 and a half year old thing to do, but I couldnt control in any longer. The next time she was in timeout, she was screaming (my daughter doesnt do anything but scream) and I smacked her... hard.
I dont know why I did it. I am used to her screaming. I have spanked her before, but it has been on her butt and it wasnt out of pure frustration. When I hit her this time, it was strictly because I was annoyed. I just wanted her to stop crying. I wanted some peace and quiet. I got anything but. The only thing I got was more tears from her and a terribly guilty conscience. So guilty that I started crying, and that caused my panic attack.
I felt as if I was losing control. I like to have control, ask anyone. I am known as the "planner". I am the person that people go to to help organize parties (or throw them), baby showers, bridal showers, birthday parties.. name it and I have planned it. I like it that way. I had ZERO help on my wedding, and it wasnt because my bridesmaids were slackers, it was because I am a control freak! When my kids lose control, I have no control ecause I cant physically make them stop. It is so un-nerving!!! I immediately called my best friend Tracy to vent, but she didnt answer so I called both of my parents.. no answer.
Finally I called my sister and just let loose. I told her how I felt that I have no help with the kids other than dan. Dan and I work opposite shifts, so we dont see each other much, and that means we dont parent the kids together at all. It is almost always me alone with the kids or Dan alone with the kids, never the two of us together. All of my family and friends know that I am working full time and going to school full time, and all of them basically tell me I am nuts and that I am over-doing it. But does anyone call me to offer to come over and help me? NO. Not once has anyone ever called and offered to come over so I can sleep a few extra hours for a day, or take the kids to the park so I can do some schoolwork. NOT A DAMN PERSON.
Everyone else I know has really strong family ties. My parents don't really help, my mom almost NEVER does, and my father is not much more than that. My sister is very immature for her age, suffering from a terrible case of "spoiled brat syndrome", so I literally have nobody to depend on. And my friends consider me the "lucky one" because I am married. I find that hilarious. Yes, I am lucky. I am married to a WONDERFUL man whom I am head over heals in love with, but when we see each other for a few hours a week, I dont consider myself lucky. It makes our marriage a living hell sometimes. We fight constantly, and when we finally have a few moments to ourselves we talk about money which leads to another fight.
Yes, we are parents, but we are also 24 years old and we would like some freedom sometimes. It's kinda hard to have that when we have to pay a sitter to watch them, and seeing as how we dont have any extra money lying around, guess how often we have a date night to ourselves? Maybe (big MAYBE) every 3 or 4 months. Pathetic. I know we took the hard road by having kids so young. Hell, my mom wanted me to have an abortion with both kids, and that certainly would have made our lives easier, but it is not what we wanted. We knew we would get married and have a family someday, but God just gave it to us a little sooner than expected. I have heard all too often that people are suprised that I have continued to stay in school, and I am glad they are shocked, because I am too. It would have been so easy to quit and use my children as an excuse. But I did it. I graduate in something like 55 days.
I am interviewing for new jobs. I am going to have a day job. I am going to still be making crap money. But I am happy! I will have a bit of normalcy. But yet, it is 55 days away and I cannot seem to get anyone to help me as I reach the home stretch. All I am asking for is a little support during the hardest semester of all, but I get nothing. My sister told my dad and I went through the whole scenario with him, and he called my mom so I went through it again with my mom after that. I got to work that night.. BOOM.. it hit me again, so I called Marisa to help me through it. Guess how many people called me the next day after my breakdown?
NOBODY. (I talked to Marisa through text messages but my family never called me). Not one word from my family who encouraged me the day before. All they said was that "It's so close, you can do it". It makes me wonder who really cares. I know they are my family, but how come I dont have that support? It's not just me who needs it. Poor Dan works all day, and as soon as he gets home I go to bed... so he goes from full time worker to full time dad in a matter of minutes. So he has to be the parent alone too. I dont even know what my point of all this is, I guess I just needed a place to vent, which is what this blog lets me do.
Once I get a job, I know that my life will be much more stress free. I had an interview on tuesday at DePaul. I would be a case worker for senior citizens (aka exactly what I want!) but my hopes are not up. A lot of people are interviewing for it and are super qualified, so :o/
I should know about it shortly. Wish me luck
November 8th, 2007
Well it's been 2 years since I've written in this thing! I actually forgot I had it! It wasnt until I was talking to a coworker about her LJ that I decided to see if mine was still active! A lot has happened in two years *obviously*. I ended up getting pregnant, and my son is almost a year old. He was born 12/29/06! The pregnancy with him was way harder than my pregnancy with audrey, but hes a very happy healthy baby boy, and I couldnt be happier! Dan and I just celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary, and next week is our 5 year anniversary together! We are sending the kids to my dads house and then my moms house for the weekend so we can spend some alone time together! We've both decided no more babies!!! haha I am still very much in love with him, so I'm looking forward to spending 60 more years as his wife *god willing*. Audrey is almost 3 and a half now! Shes such an amazing girl, but OH SO CRANKY!!! Haha She's definatly going to be a DIVA! She's enrolled in dance class, and she loves it so much!
I have been very busy lately! I am still in college... yup, so freakin sad! But I graduate in May with a bachelors in psychology with a minor in women and gender studies. If I were sane, I'd be done, but NOPE! I decided this year that I am going to be a nurse! So that means more schooling on top of my psych degree. I have a few choices ahead of me. My sister just got a job at Strong Hospital, and if I'm allowed to go to the U of R at a discounted rate I may consider going there for their 1 year BS to RN program. Or I can continue to go to MCC to be an RN. Either way, it's a lot of work ahead of me.
I am still at Crestwood, but I switched to the overnights so I can focus on schooling. It sucks, terribly. But whatever. I just want to get done, and this is the only way I can do so. I cannot wait to walk across that stage in May. I cant explain it. Even though I know I'll have more schooling ahead of me, just to know that I've been at fisher for 6 years and finally did it while getting married and having 2 kids is just amazing! I hope that my children will look back and really respect me for my dedication. It would have been so easy to quit, but thats just not me. I'm too stubborn to let anything get in the way of my dreams, and being a nurse would help my family forever.
The friend situation is touchy I guess. I've made some great friends from Crestwood who have literally changed my life in such a great way. These girls are just so amazing, understanding, caring, and always there for me when I need them *TH, MQ, LG, SM* I love them to pieces!!!!
Marisa and I are still good friends, although we've drifted a bit with our lives. She never ended up getting married... her ex is an ass, and thats one of the best things I could say about him. He didnt deserve her, so as hard as it was to watch her cry, I know it's for the best. Her daughter and audrey are still best friends, so sometimes we get the girls together, but now that she's a single mom, her life went one way and mine went the other. No matter where our lives take us though, I know we will always be close. Its just the way it is.
Tracy is amazing! She is in her final year of grad school and i'm totally jealous of her in every single way! She's going to make such a great counselor. She doesnt give herself enough credit. She's always saying how I'm so hard working, but she does the same shit as me, with her internship, regular job, and school FT, the girl is NUTS.. just like me! To this day we have still never had a fight, and I think thats amazing! There is honestly not one bad thing I can say about her <3
Amy and I are still tight. We had some drama, but it's done now. She's hilarious, and together we have such a great time together. It's great to have another friend who is married and can fully admit that marriage is freakin tough and sucks at times. Some of my single friends say "at least you are married", but Amy is the only one that can fully understand where I'm coming from.
Laurie is in MA now, living there with her boyfriend. She seems very happy, and I'm so happy for her! They are going to be engaged soon, and i'm sooo friggin happy for her! He's a great guy, and will make her very happy. I think she's thinking of going back to school, i hope she does. She's too smart to not pursue education further... i totally sound like her mom! haha
T-sha moved to FL where she's pursuing her dream of acting/dancing. I'm so crazy proud of her it's insane! It sounds bad, but I never would have thought she'd have the guts to move away from home to do this... I hope she makes it bigtime!!!! She's too talented not to!!!
I guess the only one left is Jen.. not too sure what to say about her. We are having another spat, like the 2nd one this month and it is just getting too hard to be her friend. It sucks because when she's not being a drama queen she's always the life of the party. She can be so much fun to be around, but at the same time I feel like I have to walk on eggshells with her. I cant tell her EVER if she upsets me, because instead of addressing a problem, it blows up faster than I could ever imagine. Having a conversation in that instance is not an option. I dont trust her, and that sounds terrible, but she is a compulsive liar, she lies to cover up lies. Being someones friend shouldnt have to be so much work, but sometimes being her friend is so easy. I just dont know what to do. She's great with my kids, she getting her life on track with work *she got a job at Crestwood too*, but I should be able to be upset and feel comfortable in telling someone how they made me feel, address the situation, and move on without it becoming a huge production and throwing other peoples name into it.... UGH. I'm so fustrated it's insane. Basically, I have so much crap going on between school, work, kids, and dan that more stuff added on to that is not looking very appealing. Do i just ignore my feelings? WHATEVER!!!
Dans working at CCC too now! He started as an overnight almost a year ago *right before benjamin was born* and when i decided to do overnights he switched with me, so now he has my day shift. He seems to like it. He just got a pretty decent raise, so it's helping us both out! He's been pretty depressed about life lately though, I just hope he can start opening up to me so we can address it and take care of it so it doesnt hurt our marriage more than it already has. Alright I'm done now, I am gonna sleep before work tonight! I think I like having this LJ back.... :o)
Well it's been 2 years since I've written in this thing! I actually forgot I had it! It wasnt until I was talking to a coworker about her LJ that I decided to see if mine was still active! A lot has happened in two years *obviously*. I ended up getting pregnant, and my son is almost a year old. He was born 12/29/06! The pregnancy with him was way harder than my pregnancy with audrey, but hes a very happy healthy baby boy, and I couldnt be happier! Dan and I just celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary, and next week is our 5 year anniversary together! We are sending the kids to my dads house and then my moms house for the weekend so we can spend some alone time together! We've both decided no more babies!!! haha I am still very much in love with him, so I'm looking forward to spending 60 more years as his wife *god willing*. Audrey is almost 3 and a half now! Shes such an amazing girl, but OH SO CRANKY!!! Haha She's definatly going to be a DIVA! She's enrolled in dance class, and she loves it so much!
I have been very busy lately! I am still in college... yup, so freakin sad! But I graduate in May with a bachelors in psychology with a minor in women and gender studies. If I were sane, I'd be done, but NOPE! I decided this year that I am going to be a nurse! So that means more schooling on top of my psych degree. I have a few choices ahead of me. My sister just got a job at Strong Hospital, and if I'm allowed to go to the U of R at a discounted rate I may consider going there for their 1 year BS to RN program. Or I can continue to go to MCC to be an RN. Either way, it's a lot of work ahead of me.
I am still at Crestwood, but I switched to the overnights so I can focus on schooling. It sucks, terribly. But whatever. I just want to get done, and this is the only way I can do so. I cannot wait to walk across that stage in May. I cant explain it. Even though I know I'll have more schooling ahead of me, just to know that I've been at fisher for 6 years and finally did it while getting married and having 2 kids is just amazing! I hope that my children will look back and really respect me for my dedication. It would have been so easy to quit, but thats just not me. I'm too stubborn to let anything get in the way of my dreams, and being a nurse would help my family forever.
The friend situation is touchy I guess. I've made some great friends from Crestwood who have literally changed my life in such a great way. These girls are just so amazing, understanding, caring, and always there for me when I need them *TH, MQ, LG, SM* I love them to pieces!!!!
Marisa and I are still good friends, although we've drifted a bit with our lives. She never ended up getting married... her ex is an ass, and thats one of the best things I could say about him. He didnt deserve her, so as hard as it was to watch her cry, I know it's for the best. Her daughter and audrey are still best friends, so sometimes we get the girls together, but now that she's a single mom, her life went one way and mine went the other. No matter where our lives take us though, I know we will always be close. Its just the way it is.
Tracy is amazing! She is in her final year of grad school and i'm totally jealous of her in every single way! She's going to make such a great counselor. She doesnt give herself enough credit. She's always saying how I'm so hard working, but she does the same shit as me, with her internship, regular job, and school FT, the girl is NUTS.. just like me! To this day we have still never had a fight, and I think thats amazing! There is honestly not one bad thing I can say about her <3
Amy and I are still tight. We had some drama, but it's done now. She's hilarious, and together we have such a great time together. It's great to have another friend who is married and can fully admit that marriage is freakin tough and sucks at times. Some of my single friends say "at least you are married", but Amy is the only one that can fully understand where I'm coming from.
Laurie is in MA now, living there with her boyfriend. She seems very happy, and I'm so happy for her! They are going to be engaged soon, and i'm sooo friggin happy for her! He's a great guy, and will make her very happy. I think she's thinking of going back to school, i hope she does. She's too smart to not pursue education further... i totally sound like her mom! haha
T-sha moved to FL where she's pursuing her dream of acting/dancing. I'm so crazy proud of her it's insane! It sounds bad, but I never would have thought she'd have the guts to move away from home to do this... I hope she makes it bigtime!!!! She's too talented not to!!!
I guess the only one left is Jen.. not too sure what to say about her. We are having another spat, like the 2nd one this month and it is just getting too hard to be her friend. It sucks because when she's not being a drama queen she's always the life of the party. She can be so much fun to be around, but at the same time I feel like I have to walk on eggshells with her. I cant tell her EVER if she upsets me, because instead of addressing a problem, it blows up faster than I could ever imagine. Having a conversation in that instance is not an option. I dont trust her, and that sounds terrible, but she is a compulsive liar, she lies to cover up lies. Being someones friend shouldnt have to be so much work, but sometimes being her friend is so easy. I just dont know what to do. She's great with my kids, she getting her life on track with work *she got a job at Crestwood too*, but I should be able to be upset and feel comfortable in telling someone how they made me feel, address the situation, and move on without it becoming a huge production and throwing other peoples name into it.... UGH. I'm so fustrated it's insane. Basically, I have so much crap going on between school, work, kids, and dan that more stuff added on to that is not looking very appealing. Do i just ignore my feelings? WHATEVER!!!
Dans working at CCC too now! He started as an overnight almost a year ago *right before benjamin was born* and when i decided to do overnights he switched with me, so now he has my day shift. He seems to like it. He just got a pretty decent raise, so it's helping us both out! He's been pretty depressed about life lately though, I just hope he can start opening up to me so we can address it and take care of it so it doesnt hurt our marriage more than it already has. Alright I'm done now, I am gonna sleep before work tonight! I think I like having this LJ back.... :o)
November 1st, 2005
So my birthday was on the 27th *woo hoo*... I'm finally 22! Its kinda crazy though when I start to really think about it. I am married with a child at 22, yet I want another one? I have been bugging dan to start having another baby. But thursday I am getting an IUD. This will not let me get preggo for 5 years. Its just not time for a new baby, as much as I want want want want want one, I know its not the right time. So dan said maybe after Marisa's wedding, thats less than 2 years away *woo hoo* so I'm not gonna complain.
Halloween was great. Audrey was Pooh and Cailyn was Tigger. Me and Dan went to Marisa's neighborhood and trick or treated with Jen, Becky and Joe. It was fun. Alex was a power ranger, and Olivia was Yoda.. she was so cute. We had a good time though.
Chris really hasnt been home, so he's basically paying rent to not be around, which sucks for him but hey, not my money. Julie started training yesterday with me for her new job. She seems to like it, which is cool.
My mom's last day of work was yesterday. She got laid off. She's worked at Kodak for over 25 years and she got laid off because her whole building was getting shut down. I feel so bad for her. I'm taking her out to dinner tonight after I get out of class. I want to try Basils but she doesnt like italian food. Hopefully they'll have something else there!
Saturday night was Kim and Sheldons halloween party. I was a gothic fairy. Dan was a vampire. My outfit was a bit risk-ay.. but hey. Marisa came over before hand so we could get ready together. She was a sexy pirate. I had fun there, but I had to work at 7am the next day so I left a bit earlier than everyone else, but hey, it was fun. I just really wanted everyone to meet dan, seeing as how I talk about him so much. Altogeher, it was fun. Alright well gonna actually pay attention to my class now, yea I'm in school... oops. I'll update more when theres things to update!
So my birthday was on the 27th *woo hoo*... I'm finally 22! Its kinda crazy though when I start to really think about it. I am married with a child at 22, yet I want another one? I have been bugging dan to start having another baby. But thursday I am getting an IUD. This will not let me get preggo for 5 years. Its just not time for a new baby, as much as I want want want want want one, I know its not the right time. So dan said maybe after Marisa's wedding, thats less than 2 years away *woo hoo* so I'm not gonna complain.
Halloween was great. Audrey was Pooh and Cailyn was Tigger. Me and Dan went to Marisa's neighborhood and trick or treated with Jen, Becky and Joe. It was fun. Alex was a power ranger, and Olivia was Yoda.. she was so cute. We had a good time though.
Chris really hasnt been home, so he's basically paying rent to not be around, which sucks for him but hey, not my money. Julie started training yesterday with me for her new job. She seems to like it, which is cool.
My mom's last day of work was yesterday. She got laid off. She's worked at Kodak for over 25 years and she got laid off because her whole building was getting shut down. I feel so bad for her. I'm taking her out to dinner tonight after I get out of class. I want to try Basils but she doesnt like italian food. Hopefully they'll have something else there!
Saturday night was Kim and Sheldons halloween party. I was a gothic fairy. Dan was a vampire. My outfit was a bit risk-ay.. but hey. Marisa came over before hand so we could get ready together. She was a sexy pirate. I had fun there, but I had to work at 7am the next day so I left a bit earlier than everyone else, but hey, it was fun. I just really wanted everyone to meet dan, seeing as how I talk about him so much. Altogeher, it was fun. Alright well gonna actually pay attention to my class now, yea I'm in school... oops. I'll update more when theres things to update!
October 20th, 2005
So I'm kinda excited right now cuz my in-laws are coming up tomorrow. I may not have the perfect past with them, but now that me and dan are officially married I am hoping things will change. Besides, its always good to see Dave and Anna because when they get together with dan it is just the best time ever! We'll probobly play a lot of poker seeing dan got a new poker table for his birthday *like he needed another one*, so its all good! We are going out to dinner on saturday to celebrate both of our birthdays, and then we are doing cake at our house with just the family and a few of my friends. Tonight jen is having a "sex toy" party. I really really dont wanna go, but I have to go, its like an obligation. At least Marisa is gonna be there.
Speaking of Marisa, I'm so happy for her. She's picked out our bridesmaid dresses and she even got her wedding dress already, she looks so beautiful in it. I cant imagine what shes going through having Hubble gone. Dan is my rock, I couldnt imagine not having him for a weekend, and Hubble is gone to Iraq for a year.. its nuts. Marisa works with me now, and I love it. Its hard to sit and talk on the phone when I work and go to school and have a hubby and baby, so seeing her at work has definatly made us closer, if it was even possible. I've always said "oh shes my best friend" and I've said it about other people, but she really is my best friend. I have a long history with Jamie *we've been friends since kindergarden*, but Marisa is just the most honest, fun loving person.
So anyways, thats whats going on in my world. I'm at school right now, I just wanna get done with it, but whatever. Peace...
So I'm kinda excited right now cuz my in-laws are coming up tomorrow. I may not have the perfect past with them, but now that me and dan are officially married I am hoping things will change. Besides, its always good to see Dave and Anna because when they get together with dan it is just the best time ever! We'll probobly play a lot of poker seeing dan got a new poker table for his birthday *like he needed another one*, so its all good! We are going out to dinner on saturday to celebrate both of our birthdays, and then we are doing cake at our house with just the family and a few of my friends. Tonight jen is having a "sex toy" party. I really really dont wanna go, but I have to go, its like an obligation. At least Marisa is gonna be there.
Speaking of Marisa, I'm so happy for her. She's picked out our bridesmaid dresses and she even got her wedding dress already, she looks so beautiful in it. I cant imagine what shes going through having Hubble gone. Dan is my rock, I couldnt imagine not having him for a weekend, and Hubble is gone to Iraq for a year.. its nuts. Marisa works with me now, and I love it. Its hard to sit and talk on the phone when I work and go to school and have a hubby and baby, so seeing her at work has definatly made us closer, if it was even possible. I've always said "oh shes my best friend" and I've said it about other people, but she really is my best friend. I have a long history with Jamie *we've been friends since kindergarden*, but Marisa is just the most honest, fun loving person.
So anyways, thats whats going on in my world. I'm at school right now, I just wanna get done with it, but whatever. Peace...
October 14th, 2005
So I'm not sure when I last updated this thing, so much has happened. I AM MARRIED NOW!!!! YAY!!! The wedding was a dream come true, and I married the man of my dreams.. just couldnt be happier in general. Audrey is now 15 months old. Time is going by so fast. I want another baby so bad right now, but until Dan gets a full time job its a no... but maybe sometime next year we will start officially trying. I moved to days at work, no more overnights for me. I love it, its such an awesome job, and I can definatly see myself staying there for a very long time. Last month I got Marisa a job there too, working down at the school. She loves it, and it is awesome to see my best friend at work everyday! I am still going to school, this semester I am going full time, but I'm not sure about next semester. I might have to for financial aid reasons, but after that I am going part time. Its not the classes that are hard or anything, its just I want to be at home, not at school all the time.
Dan has been looking for a job for a while now, just no luck. Its hard because it has to be in a spot around our house with the right hours and stuff. I know he's pretty bummed out, but he gets to be at home with Audrey every day so I am actually jealous of him!
Not much else is new.. my birthday is in 2 weeks, and I know Dan is doing something special, so I am really excited. My in-laws are coming in a week so we are having a joint b-day party cuz Dans birthday was last weekend, and his brother Dave's birthday is tomorrow actually.
Oh, we have a roomate. Chris moved in a few weeks ago. Its Jen's brother, so we've known him for quite a while. Alright thats enough of the updates.. I'm gonna see if I cant put a wedding picture up here somewhere sometime soon!
So I'm not sure when I last updated this thing, so much has happened. I AM MARRIED NOW!!!! YAY!!! The wedding was a dream come true, and I married the man of my dreams.. just couldnt be happier in general. Audrey is now 15 months old. Time is going by so fast. I want another baby so bad right now, but until Dan gets a full time job its a no... but maybe sometime next year we will start officially trying. I moved to days at work, no more overnights for me. I love it, its such an awesome job, and I can definatly see myself staying there for a very long time. Last month I got Marisa a job there too, working down at the school. She loves it, and it is awesome to see my best friend at work everyday! I am still going to school, this semester I am going full time, but I'm not sure about next semester. I might have to for financial aid reasons, but after that I am going part time. Its not the classes that are hard or anything, its just I want to be at home, not at school all the time.
Dan has been looking for a job for a while now, just no luck. Its hard because it has to be in a spot around our house with the right hours and stuff. I know he's pretty bummed out, but he gets to be at home with Audrey every day so I am actually jealous of him!
Not much else is new.. my birthday is in 2 weeks, and I know Dan is doing something special, so I am really excited. My in-laws are coming in a week so we are having a joint b-day party cuz Dans birthday was last weekend, and his brother Dave's birthday is tomorrow actually.
Oh, we have a roomate. Chris moved in a few weeks ago. Its Jen's brother, so we've known him for quite a while. Alright thats enough of the updates.. I'm gonna see if I cant put a wedding picture up here somewhere sometime soon!
May 24th, 2005
So its been a long time since I've written. Lets see... I get married in 2 months and 13 days *but who's counting?*. Audrey is now 10 months old, walking for a month now, and she has 6 teeth! To be honest, she's growing up a bit too fast for me. She can say "mama, dada, kitty, puppy, ducky, doggie, papa, hi, and bye bye". If you ask me, she's pretty darn advanced for her age. Life has been good. No drama thank goodness. Laurie moved back to Rochester last month from Mass! Its so good to have her home even tho I am so busy. I hope she knows that I still love her. I promised to get together with her once a week, but with Dan, the baby, working full time, and going back to school this summer its kinda nuts. I did good this last semester I guess, 3.56. Its alright I guess, I'm pretty pissed about one class but I've let it go. Dan graduated this month, I'm so proud of him. He's decided to go back to Art School to get an art degree! I'm so happy because he is so talented. We might be moving soon. My dad and his gf are thinking about getting a house together, and they want it to have an in-law apartment for me and dan and audrey. He's been so good to us these past few years, I hope he knows how much we appreciate him.
Dan's bachelor party was the night before graduation. He came home drunk off his ass. He'd never drank before and he downed at least 15 shots. I wasnt too happy, but he said he had a good time, so its all good. I didnt even stress about the strippers to my suprise.
Life has been really good to us. I know it may sound crazy, but I wouldnt change a thing about where I am now in my life. Maybe I should have finished school before having a baby, but shes so worth it, and so is Dan. We definatly have money problems, but I'd rather be poor with him on my side than rich without him. Sounds corny, but oh well.
My bridal shower is June 11th. I'm getting kinda excited. I hope it will be fun. I am making Dan come to help me open gifts. I figure the gifts are coming to the both of us, so he should be there... which is probobly just my corny excuse to see him more, but hey, whatever works.
Hmm.. anything else? Oh, I saw my ex at the mall working. He works at a jewelery store. It wasnt even that weird, he saw Audrey and said how cute she was, it really wasnt akward at all, at least on my side. He seems happy, so good for him.
Oh yea... MARISA IS ENGAGED!!! YAY!!!! She is getting married July 7th, 2007... I am her "matron of honor", so once I'm done planning my wedding I get to help with hers! I'm psyched cuz I love doing all this wedding stuff! Ok I'm really done now! Maybe I'll catch this old thing up more often! Laters!
So its been a long time since I've written. Lets see... I get married in 2 months and 13 days *but who's counting?*. Audrey is now 10 months old, walking for a month now, and she has 6 teeth! To be honest, she's growing up a bit too fast for me. She can say "mama, dada, kitty, puppy, ducky, doggie, papa, hi, and bye bye". If you ask me, she's pretty darn advanced for her age. Life has been good. No drama thank goodness. Laurie moved back to Rochester last month from Mass! Its so good to have her home even tho I am so busy. I hope she knows that I still love her. I promised to get together with her once a week, but with Dan, the baby, working full time, and going back to school this summer its kinda nuts. I did good this last semester I guess, 3.56. Its alright I guess, I'm pretty pissed about one class but I've let it go. Dan graduated this month, I'm so proud of him. He's decided to go back to Art School to get an art degree! I'm so happy because he is so talented. We might be moving soon. My dad and his gf are thinking about getting a house together, and they want it to have an in-law apartment for me and dan and audrey. He's been so good to us these past few years, I hope he knows how much we appreciate him.
Dan's bachelor party was the night before graduation. He came home drunk off his ass. He'd never drank before and he downed at least 15 shots. I wasnt too happy, but he said he had a good time, so its all good. I didnt even stress about the strippers to my suprise.
Life has been really good to us. I know it may sound crazy, but I wouldnt change a thing about where I am now in my life. Maybe I should have finished school before having a baby, but shes so worth it, and so is Dan. We definatly have money problems, but I'd rather be poor with him on my side than rich without him. Sounds corny, but oh well.
My bridal shower is June 11th. I'm getting kinda excited. I hope it will be fun. I am making Dan come to help me open gifts. I figure the gifts are coming to the both of us, so he should be there... which is probobly just my corny excuse to see him more, but hey, whatever works.
Hmm.. anything else? Oh, I saw my ex at the mall working. He works at a jewelery store. It wasnt even that weird, he saw Audrey and said how cute she was, it really wasnt akward at all, at least on my side. He seems happy, so good for him.
Oh yea... MARISA IS ENGAGED!!! YAY!!!! She is getting married July 7th, 2007... I am her "matron of honor", so once I'm done planning my wedding I get to help with hers! I'm psyched cuz I love doing all this wedding stuff! Ok I'm really done now! Maybe I'll catch this old thing up more often! Laters!
March 13th, 2005
So its been a while since I've last written. Lots of things have been going down for the wedding! I've reserved the Park Plaza for the wedding, and my bridal shower is now set for June 11th at Pineview family Restaurant for a breakfast buffet. We ordered the invitations yesterday cuz they were 30% off. My aunt agreed to alter my wedding dress and the two flower girls dresses too, so I'm feeling quite accomplished.
Audrey is doing really good. She's crawling faster than ever, climbing up the stairs if we turn our backs for a second. Its really quite funny. She's been standing on her feet without holding onto anything for 5-10 seconds at a time. Its really amazing. Work is good. School is eh. I dropped to part time, and I think I'm gonna keep it this way. Its a bit easier for me.
Earlier this week I went out with Marisa and Laurie. Laurie was up from Mass, and omg we had so much fun. We went to dinner, and then to the mall, and to end the evening, we ended up at a porn shop for hours. It was so fun. And didnt I get hit on by some guy who was working there?!? Nuts, just nuts. It was so good to hang out with them again, it felt like we were back in high school, except now we talked about our familys and our kids.
So I guess overall things have been really good, except with maybe one exception. Jen is kinda making me mad. I had set a tentative date in OCTOBER for my bridal shower for June 12th. Well when she found out I moved it she flipped I guess behind my back. I wanted it on a saturday if we were going to do a breakfast thing cuz I didnt wanna interfere with church and stuff. Well she told me she has school and cant miss it, and I was really pissed. Like, you are a bridesmaid, and you arent even coming to the bridal party?!? Thats just retarded. Like, she hasnt made it to any of the bridesmaids meetings or nothing. She never even came to my baby shower cuz she had to work at GATES BOWL.. um... whatever. I even bought her dress for the wedding, she was supposed to work it off babysitting for me, but then I decided I didnt want her babysitting audrey, so there goes my loss of money once again. It just really makes me mad cuz if she couldnt be in it, she should have just told me. Being in a bridal party has responsibilities, and if she cant take anymore on, then she shouldnt be in it.. I guess I should have known.
Anyways... thats it. Life is good. Looking forward to Dan graduating soon and the upcoming wedding!
So its been a while since I've last written. Lots of things have been going down for the wedding! I've reserved the Park Plaza for the wedding, and my bridal shower is now set for June 11th at Pineview family Restaurant for a breakfast buffet. We ordered the invitations yesterday cuz they were 30% off. My aunt agreed to alter my wedding dress and the two flower girls dresses too, so I'm feeling quite accomplished.
Audrey is doing really good. She's crawling faster than ever, climbing up the stairs if we turn our backs for a second. Its really quite funny. She's been standing on her feet without holding onto anything for 5-10 seconds at a time. Its really amazing. Work is good. School is eh. I dropped to part time, and I think I'm gonna keep it this way. Its a bit easier for me.
Earlier this week I went out with Marisa and Laurie. Laurie was up from Mass, and omg we had so much fun. We went to dinner, and then to the mall, and to end the evening, we ended up at a porn shop for hours. It was so fun. And didnt I get hit on by some guy who was working there?!? Nuts, just nuts. It was so good to hang out with them again, it felt like we were back in high school, except now we talked about our familys and our kids.
So I guess overall things have been really good, except with maybe one exception. Jen is kinda making me mad. I had set a tentative date in OCTOBER for my bridal shower for June 12th. Well when she found out I moved it she flipped I guess behind my back. I wanted it on a saturday if we were going to do a breakfast thing cuz I didnt wanna interfere with church and stuff. Well she told me she has school and cant miss it, and I was really pissed. Like, you are a bridesmaid, and you arent even coming to the bridal party?!? Thats just retarded. Like, she hasnt made it to any of the bridesmaids meetings or nothing. She never even came to my baby shower cuz she had to work at GATES BOWL.. um... whatever. I even bought her dress for the wedding, she was supposed to work it off babysitting for me, but then I decided I didnt want her babysitting audrey, so there goes my loss of money once again. It just really makes me mad cuz if she couldnt be in it, she should have just told me. Being in a bridal party has responsibilities, and if she cant take anymore on, then she shouldnt be in it.. I guess I should have known.
Anyways... thats it. Life is good. Looking forward to Dan graduating soon and the upcoming wedding!
January 20th, 2005
I think my Grandpa is dying. I'm lost inside. He's been in the hospital for a few days. His blood pressure is too low, and the doctors say its like his heart is giving up on him. They actually prepared my grandma for the worst 2 nights ago. But yesterday I hear he was a lot better, enough to be moved from ICU... but just as yesterday was good, today can get bad again. I love him so much. I havent even made it up there to see him yet.. I'm scared to. I dont know what to do. I have lost people in my family, but nobody I was so close with. We are so close, I call him when I know my grandma is away just so he's not bored. I dont do it enough tho, and now what if I dont get a chance to say all the things I want to say to him. How I look up to him, and admire his strength in tough times. All I seem to be doing lately is breaking down. I'm never hungry, I always feel sick, I cry all the time, even at work. I'm even distancing myself from Dan. I know I shouldnt, but I cant help it. I was the last one to know about him being so sick. Everyone knew, even Dan, and nobody told me. My little sister knew a whole day before me. Do you know how that makes me feel? The fact that everyone knows how close me and grandpa are, and nobody told me how bad it was... its killing me inside. Not even Dan. My dad told him not to tell, and he actually listened. Didnt say a word or even hint to the fact. That hurts me so bad. I finally confronted my dad and thats how I found out. Its sad. What if he would have passed and I never got my chance to say goodbye? The wedding is in August, and my wish, my dream, my hope is that he will make it through then. Its what he wants to. He's already seen me in my wedding dress, and he told me he cant wait to see me walk down the aisle. Its breaking my heart inside, cuz if I feel so awful, how must my grandma feel? Married almost 50 years and I'm so selfish I'm thinking of myself. I couldnt imagine my life without Dan after 2 and a half years, so I cant imagine what my grandma is thinking. I cant believe I am thinking of myself in all of this... maybe Mark was right, maybe all I do is think of myself.. maybe I really am a truly horrible person.
I think my Grandpa is dying. I'm lost inside. He's been in the hospital for a few days. His blood pressure is too low, and the doctors say its like his heart is giving up on him. They actually prepared my grandma for the worst 2 nights ago. But yesterday I hear he was a lot better, enough to be moved from ICU... but just as yesterday was good, today can get bad again. I love him so much. I havent even made it up there to see him yet.. I'm scared to. I dont know what to do. I have lost people in my family, but nobody I was so close with. We are so close, I call him when I know my grandma is away just so he's not bored. I dont do it enough tho, and now what if I dont get a chance to say all the things I want to say to him. How I look up to him, and admire his strength in tough times. All I seem to be doing lately is breaking down. I'm never hungry, I always feel sick, I cry all the time, even at work. I'm even distancing myself from Dan. I know I shouldnt, but I cant help it. I was the last one to know about him being so sick. Everyone knew, even Dan, and nobody told me. My little sister knew a whole day before me. Do you know how that makes me feel? The fact that everyone knows how close me and grandpa are, and nobody told me how bad it was... its killing me inside. Not even Dan. My dad told him not to tell, and he actually listened. Didnt say a word or even hint to the fact. That hurts me so bad. I finally confronted my dad and thats how I found out. Its sad. What if he would have passed and I never got my chance to say goodbye? The wedding is in August, and my wish, my dream, my hope is that he will make it through then. Its what he wants to. He's already seen me in my wedding dress, and he told me he cant wait to see me walk down the aisle. Its breaking my heart inside, cuz if I feel so awful, how must my grandma feel? Married almost 50 years and I'm so selfish I'm thinking of myself. I couldnt imagine my life without Dan after 2 and a half years, so I cant imagine what my grandma is thinking. I cant believe I am thinking of myself in all of this... maybe Mark was right, maybe all I do is think of myself.. maybe I really am a truly horrible person.
January 20th, 2005
Yea, so since school started I am slowly going insane. I could handle full time work, or I could handle full time school.. but both? And being a mom? I am starting to regret this decision. I need to keep my job cuz its a great opportunity. But I want to stay in school, cuz I at least want my undergrad... and I really wanna get my masters in social work. So what do I do? Like, my schedule for school is so messed up. On mondays and wednesdays I have night class, then right after class I gotta go home, and go right to work overnight, working 10-7, then get out and have classes till 12:20 on tuesdays and thursdays, so in other words, I will be awake for 22 hours at a time, and I'm sorry but thats not natural. Then I can sleep all day on tue/thur.. but still.. 8 hours of sleep is nothing.. so when do I see my daughter you may ask? Well again, another thing that sucks... I dont see her like at all :( Like, I am so used to being with her all day long, and this is just killing me. I def need to re-arrange some classes. But I cant... I've looked into it, and its just not possible. So I guess I am gonna have to tough it out for 4 months, and when next semester comes along, I will have to either have only day classes, or only night classes to make it a lil easier on me. I just hope I can survive the 4 months!
And can I just vent about school for a minute *not that I havent been already!* PSYSIOLOGICAL PSYCHOLOGY IS THE DEVIL!!!! I have never been good at science, and this class is everything that I failed in high school. I HATE THIS CLASS...
Yea, so since school started I am slowly going insane. I could handle full time work, or I could handle full time school.. but both? And being a mom? I am starting to regret this decision. I need to keep my job cuz its a great opportunity. But I want to stay in school, cuz I at least want my undergrad... and I really wanna get my masters in social work. So what do I do? Like, my schedule for school is so messed up. On mondays and wednesdays I have night class, then right after class I gotta go home, and go right to work overnight, working 10-7, then get out and have classes till 12:20 on tuesdays and thursdays, so in other words, I will be awake for 22 hours at a time, and I'm sorry but thats not natural. Then I can sleep all day on tue/thur.. but still.. 8 hours of sleep is nothing.. so when do I see my daughter you may ask? Well again, another thing that sucks... I dont see her like at all :( Like, I am so used to being with her all day long, and this is just killing me. I def need to re-arrange some classes. But I cant... I've looked into it, and its just not possible. So I guess I am gonna have to tough it out for 4 months, and when next semester comes along, I will have to either have only day classes, or only night classes to make it a lil easier on me. I just hope I can survive the 4 months!
And can I just vent about school for a minute *not that I havent been already!* PSYSIOLOGICAL PSYCHOLOGY IS THE DEVIL!!!! I have never been good at science, and this class is everything that I failed in high school. I HATE THIS CLASS...
January 16th, 2005
Well friday night was my bridesmaids meeting. Tracy couldnt come cuz her boyfriend Jeff's grandma was doing pretty bad, so it sucked but I understood. Then Katie called me after she was already supposed to be there and told me she was gonna stay later at work, so I was kinda mad about that to be honest, but oh well. Jen obviously couldnt come cuz of her schedule, so it was me, Marisa, Julie, Sarah, and Lateasha. *and of course my flower girls audrey and cailyn!* So I showed them my wedding invitations, and they loved em. We decided we are gonna make t-shirts that say "bride" and "bridesmaid" or "maid of honor" on them, and me and risa think it will be cute if we make flower girl ones too!!! So thats kinda fun! We are prolly gonna make em ourselves with like iron-ons or paint or something. I am pretty excited about everything right now! Dan still needs a guy. He was gonna ask mark, and I told him he still could, but he doesnt want to now.. so who knows. Oh yea... good news! FINALLY MY TRAINING IS OVER!! I needed to pass this written test, and I did, *I got a 99%* yay me! I am going to Davids Bridal on Monday afternoon during the day with Tracy to get her dress. I am just getting really excited about the wedding. I am marrying the man I am head over heels in love with, and its going to be a beautiful ceremony. Things just cant get any better!
Well friday night was my bridesmaids meeting. Tracy couldnt come cuz her boyfriend Jeff's grandma was doing pretty bad, so it sucked but I understood. Then Katie called me after she was already supposed to be there and told me she was gonna stay later at work, so I was kinda mad about that to be honest, but oh well. Jen obviously couldnt come cuz of her schedule, so it was me, Marisa, Julie, Sarah, and Lateasha. *and of course my flower girls audrey and cailyn!* So I showed them my wedding invitations, and they loved em. We decided we are gonna make t-shirts that say "bride" and "bridesmaid" or "maid of honor" on them, and me and risa think it will be cute if we make flower girl ones too!!! So thats kinda fun! We are prolly gonna make em ourselves with like iron-ons or paint or something. I am pretty excited about everything right now! Dan still needs a guy. He was gonna ask mark, and I told him he still could, but he doesnt want to now.. so who knows. Oh yea... good news! FINALLY MY TRAINING IS OVER!! I needed to pass this written test, and I did, *I got a 99%* yay me! I am going to Davids Bridal on Monday afternoon during the day with Tracy to get her dress. I am just getting really excited about the wedding. I am marrying the man I am head over heels in love with, and its going to be a beautiful ceremony. Things just cant get any better!
January 13th, 2005
Yea so I started training two weeks ago for my new job at Hillside. The training is boring, but thats just cuz I am used to all of the "psychology" behind the kids. Today we did the physical takedowns with each other, and how to handle the kids. Its kinda fun, it has been going by faster today cuz usually we are sitting at desks so I guess today is ok. I'm really excited about tomorrow night. Friday night all of my bridesmaids *minus Jen* are getting together and going to perkins so everyone can meet each other. Our two flower girls are coming too, cuz I dont have a babysitter and neither does Marisa. So that will be fun. Jen cant come cuz of her schedule at work. I am happy to see Tracy again, its been like forever. And she's kinda shy cuz she really doesnt know everyone, so we are getting a lot accomplished by this meeting. Besides, my wedding is in 6 and a half months, so we really need to start planning a bridal shower and stuff. I bought my wedding invitations too! YAY!!! Soo excited about that, cuz I am kinda taking an invitation and changing it and making it my own! Alright well I better get going. Soo excited about tomorrow!!!
Yea so I started training two weeks ago for my new job at Hillside. The training is boring, but thats just cuz I am used to all of the "psychology" behind the kids. Today we did the physical takedowns with each other, and how to handle the kids. Its kinda fun, it has been going by faster today cuz usually we are sitting at desks so I guess today is ok. I'm really excited about tomorrow night. Friday night all of my bridesmaids *minus Jen* are getting together and going to perkins so everyone can meet each other. Our two flower girls are coming too, cuz I dont have a babysitter and neither does Marisa. So that will be fun. Jen cant come cuz of her schedule at work. I am happy to see Tracy again, its been like forever. And she's kinda shy cuz she really doesnt know everyone, so we are getting a lot accomplished by this meeting. Besides, my wedding is in 6 and a half months, so we really need to start planning a bridal shower and stuff. I bought my wedding invitations too! YAY!!! Soo excited about that, cuz I am kinda taking an invitation and changing it and making it my own! Alright well I better get going. Soo excited about tomorrow!!!
December 29th, 2004
Well everyone, merry belated christmas! Hope Santa was good to everyone! My christmas was unusual but good. We spent it with Dans family, so I was missing my family pretty bad, but hey, sacrifices have to be made on my part too. Audrey was so funny. She got sooo many toys, yet all she really cared about was a teether! She opened up some of the gifts on her own, but Dan and I mostly unwrapped for her! Anna is out here in rochester for the week! I'm excited cuz she is so funny, and sometimes I get lonely around here. We took lots of pics this weekend though, so I am prolly taking them to get developed today. Audrey looked so freakin cute in her dress!!!!! I'm glad we drove out there tho cuz Jamie said the train we were supposed to take broke down 9 times and got 12 different engines! It arrived everywhere 8 hours late! They even got stuck on a bridge with no electricity!!! YIKES!!!! So it was def a good decision on our part. Thanks by the way to all my friends who sent xmas cards! It was so funny, in every single one of the cards you put how cute the pic of audrey was in the card I sent you all! Seriously this christmas I sent about 50 different cards, and doesnt my mom tell me I forgot to send her one?!? OOPS!
So I start my new job on Monday! I'm excited! I still need a babysitter tho for monday nights and wednesday nights. I dont want my mom babysitting anymore cuz she doesnt want to go by my rules with Audrey. I want Audrey on a certain schedule, and she just does whatever. It pisses me off to no end. Things I dont want her having my mom gives to her, so I'm trying to find someone. Besides, I want my mom to watch her over here at my house so that Audrey can go to bed at the same time every night, and my mom is "afraid of the snow". Its so funny actually cuz she must think god hates her so much he will make it snow really bad every monday night just to punish her... grrrr And wednesday nights my sis usually watches Audrey, but I dont think I can give her a ride home and get to work on time after school, so I'm kinda stuck there too. It just makes me mad cuz I feel like we have no support. Like I see Jen and Marisa get all this help from their parents with no bitching, and its like, I cant even ask my mom for ONE DAY A WEEK... so poop on her.
Alright I'm done complaining for now. Wedding planning is going ok except for the fact that seeing me and mark dont talk no more, dan doesnt want to put him in the wedding, but if we dont we really dont know who else to put in it, and we dont want someone walking alone... so who knows!
... and can I just say one more thing about mark??? Well its not totally about mark, but kinda. He told me I was all these horrible things, and that I like to see him hurt or something, and that I am selfish and rude and blah blah blah... well does anyone else think that? Like does anyone think that I like to put people down and get kicks out of it? Like, if I really do all that bad stuff... why did he say he hopes I keep in touch? Why did he say that? Who would want a friend like that anyways right?
Well everyone, merry belated christmas! Hope Santa was good to everyone! My christmas was unusual but good. We spent it with Dans family, so I was missing my family pretty bad, but hey, sacrifices have to be made on my part too. Audrey was so funny. She got sooo many toys, yet all she really cared about was a teether! She opened up some of the gifts on her own, but Dan and I mostly unwrapped for her! Anna is out here in rochester for the week! I'm excited cuz she is so funny, and sometimes I get lonely around here. We took lots of pics this weekend though, so I am prolly taking them to get developed today. Audrey looked so freakin cute in her dress!!!!! I'm glad we drove out there tho cuz Jamie said the train we were supposed to take broke down 9 times and got 12 different engines! It arrived everywhere 8 hours late! They even got stuck on a bridge with no electricity!!! YIKES!!!! So it was def a good decision on our part. Thanks by the way to all my friends who sent xmas cards! It was so funny, in every single one of the cards you put how cute the pic of audrey was in the card I sent you all! Seriously this christmas I sent about 50 different cards, and doesnt my mom tell me I forgot to send her one?!? OOPS!
So I start my new job on Monday! I'm excited! I still need a babysitter tho for monday nights and wednesday nights. I dont want my mom babysitting anymore cuz she doesnt want to go by my rules with Audrey. I want Audrey on a certain schedule, and she just does whatever. It pisses me off to no end. Things I dont want her having my mom gives to her, so I'm trying to find someone. Besides, I want my mom to watch her over here at my house so that Audrey can go to bed at the same time every night, and my mom is "afraid of the snow". Its so funny actually cuz she must think god hates her so much he will make it snow really bad every monday night just to punish her... grrrr And wednesday nights my sis usually watches Audrey, but I dont think I can give her a ride home and get to work on time after school, so I'm kinda stuck there too. It just makes me mad cuz I feel like we have no support. Like I see Jen and Marisa get all this help from their parents with no bitching, and its like, I cant even ask my mom for ONE DAY A WEEK... so poop on her.
Alright I'm done complaining for now. Wedding planning is going ok except for the fact that seeing me and mark dont talk no more, dan doesnt want to put him in the wedding, but if we dont we really dont know who else to put in it, and we dont want someone walking alone... so who knows!
... and can I just say one more thing about mark??? Well its not totally about mark, but kinda. He told me I was all these horrible things, and that I like to see him hurt or something, and that I am selfish and rude and blah blah blah... well does anyone else think that? Like does anyone think that I like to put people down and get kicks out of it? Like, if I really do all that bad stuff... why did he say he hopes I keep in touch? Why did he say that? Who would want a friend like that anyways right?
December 19th, 2004
Yea, so I'd like to tell a little story right now...
It was my freshman year at Fisher, I just moved on campus, and I met this guy named Mark. We immediatly became friends. We hung out all the time, and compared ourselves to Dawson and Joey. The only difference between us was we never had feelings for each other.. ever. That was the best part. We could be totally real with one another cuz it was purely platonic. Then I met Dan, actually, Mark hooked up me and Dan. We all hung out, but as Dan and I grew closer, me and Mark grew further apart. I still liked Mark, but things werent the same. Then Mark and Amy got together. It was great cuz the four of us were happy. I loved Amy. She made Mark really happy, and all I wanted was for him to find a love like Dan and I had. We hung out once in a while *they were in Syracuse for the summer* but things got weird. I dont know when or how, but they did. Dan proposed to me, and Mark did to Amy. Our wedding dates are less than a month apart. At one point, me and Amy had a fight.. I honestly dont know about what, but we did. We eventually fixed it, and things were back to normal with me and Mark. Then *BOOM* out of nowhere Mark says *about a year after the fight* that he doesnt know if he can be friends with me cuz of the fight me and amy had. Amy and I had talked since the fight, and were totally ok... or so I thought... Amy decided to tell Mark that when we talked that I put down her wedding, and asked if she even knew her bridesmaids... um hello? WHY THE FUCK WOULD I ASK A DUMB ASS QUESTION LIKE THAT?!?!? Seriously... I swear on my daughters life I didnt ask that, nor would I ever do such a thing. So I told Mark I cannot be his friend if he wont even hear my side of the story and just believe what his girl says. She obviously doesnt want us to be friends anymore... and guess what?!? SHE WON...
And there goes the end of a 3 year friendship.. and the end of my story
Yea, so I'd like to tell a little story right now...
It was my freshman year at Fisher, I just moved on campus, and I met this guy named Mark. We immediatly became friends. We hung out all the time, and compared ourselves to Dawson and Joey. The only difference between us was we never had feelings for each other.. ever. That was the best part. We could be totally real with one another cuz it was purely platonic. Then I met Dan, actually, Mark hooked up me and Dan. We all hung out, but as Dan and I grew closer, me and Mark grew further apart. I still liked Mark, but things werent the same. Then Mark and Amy got together. It was great cuz the four of us were happy. I loved Amy. She made Mark really happy, and all I wanted was for him to find a love like Dan and I had. We hung out once in a while *they were in Syracuse for the summer* but things got weird. I dont know when or how, but they did. Dan proposed to me, and Mark did to Amy. Our wedding dates are less than a month apart. At one point, me and Amy had a fight.. I honestly dont know about what, but we did. We eventually fixed it, and things were back to normal with me and Mark. Then *BOOM* out of nowhere Mark says *about a year after the fight* that he doesnt know if he can be friends with me cuz of the fight me and amy had. Amy and I had talked since the fight, and were totally ok... or so I thought... Amy decided to tell Mark that when we talked that I put down her wedding, and asked if she even knew her bridesmaids... um hello? WHY THE FUCK WOULD I ASK A DUMB ASS QUESTION LIKE THAT?!?!? Seriously... I swear on my daughters life I didnt ask that, nor would I ever do such a thing. So I told Mark I cannot be his friend if he wont even hear my side of the story and just believe what his girl says. She obviously doesnt want us to be friends anymore... and guess what?!? SHE WON...
And there goes the end of a 3 year friendship.. and the end of my story
December 15th, 2004
Yea, so just wanted to spread the good news! Audrey began crawling on Saturday, and yesterday began sitting up by herself, and is doing really good in both! Its so cute! She did it a bit backwards, but hey! She's cute so its ok! And last night Dan and I took Audrey to the mall to see Santa.. omg the picture came out sooo cute! I wish I could post it! I'm in the midst of trying to get at least one pic of her on the comp and post it to the LJ, but who knows, I am technologicly challenged. Alright well thats all thats new really! I'll write more when my life gets interesting!
Yea, so just wanted to spread the good news! Audrey began crawling on Saturday, and yesterday began sitting up by herself, and is doing really good in both! Its so cute! She did it a bit backwards, but hey! She's cute so its ok! And last night Dan and I took Audrey to the mall to see Santa.. omg the picture came out sooo cute! I wish I could post it! I'm in the midst of trying to get at least one pic of her on the comp and post it to the LJ, but who knows, I am technologicly challenged. Alright well thats all thats new really! I'll write more when my life gets interesting!
November 29th, 2004
Hey Ashley, seeing you borrowed this, I thought I would too!
Haha Love you babe!
here's everything you wanted to know about me!
+name= Christine
+today's date= November 29
+astrological sign= Scorpio
+eye colour= Blue
+hair colour= Light Brownish
Favorites....
+a color you like to wear= Pink Pink Pink!
+your lucky number= 6
+a city you would like to visit= Venice Italy
+music you prefer to listen to when alone= Anything Country
+the singer or band(s) you listen to most= Shania Twain, Kenny Chesney, Jimmy Wayne
+movie you can watch over and over= Armageddon
+something you like to do on a Sunday= Relax if possible
+a motto you like to live by= It can always get worse, or you can make it better
+if you could afford it right now, you would buy= A house of my own *no offense daddy*
+your strangest possession=
+your most prized possession= My family
+your most expensive possession= My daughter
Friends.....
+friend you have known longest= Jamie Gutzmer
+friend you miss the most= Tracy and Julie from fisher
+who makes you laugh= Jen... by far the funniest
+who do you go to for advice= My sister and my mom
+your closest friends= Marisa, Jen, Tracy, T-sha, my sister
Ego....
+your three best qualities= I'm a good mom, I'm easy to talk to, and I make a cute baby!
+three worst qualities= im a procrastinator, I've been known to have a temper, and I can never get enough sleep
+three things you are often complimented for= being a good listener, giving good advice, and my eye color
+a compliment you got that made you blush= ... its just been too long
+you get embarrassed when= Audrey is crying non stop and people look at me in the market
+makes you happy= Being with Dan and Audrey, planning the wedding, being with friends
+upsets you= when people lie right to your face
Yes or No....
+you keep a diary= yes, I have two... One that I have had that I write to Audrey ever since I found out I was pregnant, and then of course my livejournal
+you like to cook= um.. not so much
+you have a secret you have not shared with anyone= no, the only one who knows is Dan
+you fold your underwear= It depends, I start to fold them, but they always turn out to be not folded
+you talk in your sleep= I've been known to have conversations in my sleep
+you eat fast= No, I'm sooo slow
+you believe in love= yes, it keeps me going every day
What was the last?
x. movie you rented = Probobly a chick flick
x. movie you bought = Alladin
x. song you listened to = A theme song from WWE *dans watching it upstairs*
x. song that was stuck in your head = Gretchen Wilson- When I think about cheating
x. song you've downloaded = I dont download
x. cd you bought = Dixie Chicks
x. cd you listened to = Third Eye Blind
x. person you've called = My dad
x. person that's called you = Jamie
x. tv show you've watched = General Hospital
x. person you were thinking of = Audrey
x. you have a bf or gf = yes, a fiance.. yay to marriage :)
x. you have a crush on someone = just my man
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = Yea, somewhere without snow
x. you think about suicide = I did when I was a troubled teen
x. you believe in online dating = Well people do it so I guess so, but how do you know if someone is being faithful? Its all a bit sketchy to me
x. others find you attractive = Probobly not... only dan
x. you want more piercings = No I'm past that phase in my life
x. you want more tattoos = dont have em, dont want em
x. you drink = Not really my thing
x. you do drugs = nopers
x. you smoke = used to
x. you like cleaning = Nope.. but I'm a mom so I do my fair share
x. you like roller coasters = love'em
x. you write in cursive or print = Its a weird mixture of both
x. you carry a donor card = No, but I should
for or against
x. long distance relationships = for
x. using someone = against
x. suicide = against
x. killing people = not unless used in self defense, killing random peeps in the street just isnt cool
x. teenage smoking = against.. yet I still buy my underage sister smokes... I'm retarded
x. doing drugs = against
x. premarital sex = I have a baby
x. driving drunk = def not cool
x. gay/lesbian relationships = totally for
favorite
x. soap operas = General Hospital
x. gum = Trident- Strawberry Breeze
x. tv show = Sex and the city and the OC
x. thing in the world = Dan and Audrey
x. thing to collect = seems like all I'm collecting these days are bibs
x. colors of all time = pink
x. thing to do on a rainy day = relax
x. feeling in the world = knowing that I am loved unconditionally by two people
x. food = looking more and more like chicken fingers
x. song = Jimmy Wayne's "you are" *my wedding song*
x. thing to do = Cuddle with Dan
x. thing to talk about = Lately I talk about the wedding and Audrey a lot.. gee wonder why
x. sports = I like baseball and football... and watching olympic gymnastics!
x. drinks = sprite
x. clothes = hoodies always work for me
x. picture = the new family pictures of me, dan and audrey
x. movies = I am Sam and Armageddon
x. band = Does Brittany Spears count?
x. holiday = Thanksgiving.. bring on the pumpkin pie baby!
x. cars = I like SUV's.. just not huge ones
have you...
x. ever cried over a guy/girl = yes
x. ever lied to someone = yes
x. ever been in a fist fight =yep... 10th grade against a girl named Jen... I won
x. ever been arrested = Noooo
what...
x. shoes do you wear = a pair of Nike's that I've had sense I was a sophmore in high school... they even had duck tape on them cuz they are falling apart
x. are you scared of= Bees and dying young, and being alone for the rest of my life
x. of times I have been in love?: Two... no comments
x. of times I have had my heart broken?: once, should have known that he'd cheat
x. of hearts I have broken?: not a clue
x. of boys ive kissed? : 12 that I can remember.. thats an unfair question
x. of girls I have kissed?: 2.. they were dares people
x. of boys I've slept with?: thats not cool
x. of continents I have lived in?: 1
x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends?: 3
x. of people I consider my enemies?: none
x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with?: 9
x. of cd's that I own?: like 20 *i'm pathetic*
x. of things in my past that I regret?: If I regret something, that maybe something in my life wouldnt be the same, and as many things didnt go as planned in my life, I love it, and I love everyone in it, so I regret nothing
Hey Ashley, seeing you borrowed this, I thought I would too!
Haha Love you babe!
here's everything you wanted to know about me!
+name= Christine
+today's date= November 29
+astrological sign= Scorpio
+eye colour= Blue
+hair colour= Light Brownish
Favorites....
+a color you like to wear= Pink Pink Pink!
+your lucky number= 6
+a city you would like to visit= Venice Italy
+music you prefer to listen to when alone= Anything Country
+the singer or band(s) you listen to most= Shania Twain, Kenny Chesney, Jimmy Wayne
+movie you can watch over and over= Armageddon
+something you like to do on a Sunday= Relax if possible
+a motto you like to live by= It can always get worse, or you can make it better
+if you could afford it right now, you would buy= A house of my own *no offense daddy*
+your strangest possession=
+your most prized possession= My family
+your most expensive possession= My daughter
Friends.....
+friend you have known longest= Jamie Gutzmer
+friend you miss the most= Tracy and Julie from fisher
+who makes you laugh= Jen... by far the funniest
+who do you go to for advice= My sister and my mom
+your closest friends= Marisa, Jen, Tracy, T-sha, my sister
Ego....
+your three best qualities= I'm a good mom, I'm easy to talk to, and I make a cute baby!
+three worst qualities= im a procrastinator, I've been known to have a temper, and I can never get enough sleep
+three things you are often complimented for= being a good listener, giving good advice, and my eye color
+a compliment you got that made you blush= ... its just been too long
+you get embarrassed when= Audrey is crying non stop and people look at me in the market
+makes you happy= Being with Dan and Audrey, planning the wedding, being with friends
+upsets you= when people lie right to your face
Yes or No....
+you keep a diary= yes, I have two... One that I have had that I write to Audrey ever since I found out I was pregnant, and then of course my livejournal
+you like to cook= um.. not so much
+you have a secret you have not shared with anyone= no, the only one who knows is Dan
+you fold your underwear= It depends, I start to fold them, but they always turn out to be not folded
+you talk in your sleep= I've been known to have conversations in my sleep
+you eat fast= No, I'm sooo slow
+you believe in love= yes, it keeps me going every day
What was the last?
x. movie you rented = Probobly a chick flick
x. movie you bought = Alladin
x. song you listened to = A theme song from WWE *dans watching it upstairs*
x. song that was stuck in your head = Gretchen Wilson- When I think about cheating
x. song you've downloaded = I dont download
x. cd you bought = Dixie Chicks
x. cd you listened to = Third Eye Blind
x. person you've called = My dad
x. person that's called you = Jamie
x. tv show you've watched = General Hospital
x. person you were thinking of = Audrey
x. you have a bf or gf = yes, a fiance.. yay to marriage :)
x. you have a crush on someone = just my man
x. you wish you could live somewhere else = Yea, somewhere without snow
x. you think about suicide = I did when I was a troubled teen
x. you believe in online dating = Well people do it so I guess so, but how do you know if someone is being faithful? Its all a bit sketchy to me
x. others find you attractive = Probobly not... only dan
x. you want more piercings = No I'm past that phase in my life
x. you want more tattoos = dont have em, dont want em
x. you drink = Not really my thing
x. you do drugs = nopers
x. you smoke = used to
x. you like cleaning = Nope.. but I'm a mom so I do my fair share
x. you like roller coasters = love'em
x. you write in cursive or print = Its a weird mixture of both
x. you carry a donor card = No, but I should
for or against
x. long distance relationships = for
x. using someone = against
x. suicide = against
x. killing people = not unless used in self defense, killing random peeps in the street just isnt cool
x. teenage smoking = against.. yet I still buy my underage sister smokes... I'm retarded
x. doing drugs = against
x. premarital sex = I have a baby
x. driving drunk = def not cool
x. gay/lesbian relationships = totally for
favorite
x. soap operas = General Hospital
x. gum = Trident- Strawberry Breeze
x. tv show = Sex and the city and the OC
x. thing in the world = Dan and Audrey
x. thing to collect = seems like all I'm collecting these days are bibs
x. colors of all time = pink
x. thing to do on a rainy day = relax
x. feeling in the world = knowing that I am loved unconditionally by two people
x. food = looking more and more like chicken fingers
x. song = Jimmy Wayne's "you are" *my wedding song*
x. thing to do = Cuddle with Dan
x. thing to talk about = Lately I talk about the wedding and Audrey a lot.. gee wonder why
x. sports = I like baseball and football... and watching olympic gymnastics!
x. drinks = sprite
x. clothes = hoodies always work for me
x. picture = the new family pictures of me, dan and audrey
x. movies = I am Sam and Armageddon
x. band = Does Brittany Spears count?
x. holiday = Thanksgiving.. bring on the pumpkin pie baby!
x. cars = I like SUV's.. just not huge ones
have you...
x. ever cried over a guy/girl = yes
x. ever lied to someone = yes
x. ever been in a fist fight =yep... 10th grade against a girl named Jen... I won
x. ever been arrested = Noooo
what...
x. shoes do you wear = a pair of Nike's that I've had sense I was a sophmore in high school... they even had duck tape on them cuz they are falling apart
x. are you scared of= Bees and dying young, and being alone for the rest of my life
x. of times I have been in love?: Two... no comments
x. of times I have had my heart broken?: once, should have known that he'd cheat
x. of hearts I have broken?: not a clue
x. of boys ive kissed? : 12 that I can remember.. thats an unfair question
x. of girls I have kissed?: 2.. they were dares people
x. of boys I've slept with?: thats not cool
x. of continents I have lived in?: 1
x. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends?: 3
x. of people I consider my enemies?: none
x. of people from high school that I stayed in contact with?: 9
x. of cd's that I own?: like 20 *i'm pathetic*
x. of things in my past that I regret?: If I regret something, that maybe something in my life wouldnt be the same, and as many things didnt go as planned in my life, I love it, and I love everyone in it, so I regret nothing
November 29th, 2004
Hello there.. I'm soo bored so I thought I'd write about what is going on, which isnt much but hey. Well I have been looking into my honeymoon details. We are going to Vegas, so I've been on a whole bunch of websites looking up details and stuff. It looks like the plane and hotel alone is gonna cost about $2000. Good lord. It all depends on where we stay, and I wanna stay right on the strip, cuz you cant rent a car till your 25 *gay gay rule* so we are gonna have a lot of walking to do. I'm getting excited though. I had a meeting with a florist, I'm gonna look one more place to get price comparisons and such. The videographer and Photographer is all set, so I think I just need a limo. Sooo excited to become his wife though. Like, I have dreams about it almost every day. Of course, in my dreams I am skinnier, so I guess that is next on the list... DIET AND EXCERCISE!!!! Oh yea.. I got fired. I dont wanna go into details, but I gave him a weeks notice, and he fired me. I sorta yelled at him and used obsenities, so I guess I dont blame him. But now its back to the unemployment line. My girlfriend Jamie just had her son 5 weeks ago, so when she goes back to work she's gonna need a sitter, so I offered to sit her son full time. Cuz I really dont want a job. I like staying at home with Audrey. So I know it will be 10X harder with two babies, but to me it would be worth it to stay with my little girl. Besides, then I wont need a babysitter myself! Hopefully it will happen, but I understand if she feels weird with me watching two babies. I just dont know where I'd work if I cant do this. Besides, I am going back to school next semester, so working is double trouble. Alright well I'm off... still being bored.
Hello there.. I'm soo bored so I thought I'd write about what is going on, which isnt much but hey. Well I have been looking into my honeymoon details. We are going to Vegas, so I've been on a whole bunch of websites looking up details and stuff. It looks like the plane and hotel alone is gonna cost about $2000. Good lord. It all depends on where we stay, and I wanna stay right on the strip, cuz you cant rent a car till your 25 *gay gay rule* so we are gonna have a lot of walking to do. I'm getting excited though. I had a meeting with a florist, I'm gonna look one more place to get price comparisons and such. The videographer and Photographer is all set, so I think I just need a limo. Sooo excited to become his wife though. Like, I have dreams about it almost every day. Of course, in my dreams I am skinnier, so I guess that is next on the list... DIET AND EXCERCISE!!!! Oh yea.. I got fired. I dont wanna go into details, but I gave him a weeks notice, and he fired me. I sorta yelled at him and used obsenities, so I guess I dont blame him. But now its back to the unemployment line. My girlfriend Jamie just had her son 5 weeks ago, so when she goes back to work she's gonna need a sitter, so I offered to sit her son full time. Cuz I really dont want a job. I like staying at home with Audrey. So I know it will be 10X harder with two babies, but to me it would be worth it to stay with my little girl. Besides, then I wont need a babysitter myself! Hopefully it will happen, but I understand if she feels weird with me watching two babies. I just dont know where I'd work if I cant do this. Besides, I am going back to school next semester, so working is double trouble. Alright well I'm off... still being bored.
November 26th, 2004
Happy belated turkey day everyone! Hope everyone's day was good. I lost my job yesterday, so mine wasnt that great... I hate my boss, so I quit. I gave a week's notice, but I'm not on the schedule for next week, so oh well. I hated it, so I'm not that upset, but I'm upset cuz I need a job now. Dan's been working his ass off cuz my hours were cut to like 10 a week anyway, so I guess I'm not missing out on a lot of money, but still. Can I just say that the best part of Thanksgiving is the pumpkin pie!!!!! Audrey actually slept through dinner so I was kinda shocked! She's so freakin cute. She rolls over now all the time, but she is having fun. She talks a lot more now too... always making noises and such... It definalty got easier raising her now... now she has toys and stuff to play with, before her only entertainment was me and Dan! I enrolled for my classes next semester at Fisher so I hope I can handle it. I wanted to change my major to education, but when I talked to the dept heads, they pretty much said I'd have to start a whole new 4 year plan... and I wasnt having that. So maybe I'll just take a minor, and try and get a masters in ed. Who knows tho. Well back to Turkey day, everything went ok I guess... except for one thing. My cousin Sarah made a few comments on Dans weight.. and he was pissed. He didnt say anything to her, thats not his style. I dont know what to do tho cuz he's pissed and she's oblivious. What she said was rude, so I don't blame him for being mad, ya know? Well I better be getting to bed.. me tired. If anyone knows somewhere that is hiring PART TIME, let me know! Thankies!
Happy belated turkey day everyone! Hope everyone's day was good. I lost my job yesterday, so mine wasnt that great... I hate my boss, so I quit. I gave a week's notice, but I'm not on the schedule for next week, so oh well. I hated it, so I'm not that upset, but I'm upset cuz I need a job now. Dan's been working his ass off cuz my hours were cut to like 10 a week anyway, so I guess I'm not missing out on a lot of money, but still. Can I just say that the best part of Thanksgiving is the pumpkin pie!!!!! Audrey actually slept through dinner so I was kinda shocked! She's so freakin cute. She rolls over now all the time, but she is having fun. She talks a lot more now too... always making noises and such... It definalty got easier raising her now... now she has toys and stuff to play with, before her only entertainment was me and Dan! I enrolled for my classes next semester at Fisher so I hope I can handle it. I wanted to change my major to education, but when I talked to the dept heads, they pretty much said I'd have to start a whole new 4 year plan... and I wasnt having that. So maybe I'll just take a minor, and try and get a masters in ed. Who knows tho. Well back to Turkey day, everything went ok I guess... except for one thing. My cousin Sarah made a few comments on Dans weight.. and he was pissed. He didnt say anything to her, thats not his style. I dont know what to do tho cuz he's pissed and she's oblivious. What she said was rude, so I don't blame him for being mad, ya know? Well I better be getting to bed.. me tired. If anyone knows somewhere that is hiring PART TIME, let me know! Thankies!
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