Crushed

New Years sucked. I read a conversation on FB between my sister and my aunt that I shouldn't have, and it basically has me completely devastated.

Let me start by saying that my sister and I were texting and she asked me to go on her cafeworld and manage it for her while she was out. I said no problem, as I was just sitting at home. When I finished with her cafeworld, I saw she had a message in her inbox. I decided to check it because I had gotten 4 messages that day in my inbox that were links to certain websites which I thought were viruses. Luckily I checked it and it was the same sort of link, so I deleted it so she wouldn't have it on her FB. Anyways, after I checked that, I saw many convos that she had been having with our Aunt. The very first line of one of them was "Don't worry I won't tell Christine"... so against my better judgment I decided to read it. I really shouldn't have, because what I read over the next hour just completely broke my heart.

I saw things about my sister telling my aunt she doesn't like asking people to watch Anthony, and that she's not like Dan and I who ask people to watch our kids all the time. She also said that I "fake cried" to my mom about a car so that my mom would agree to cosign a loan for us. She said that we don't pay anything living at our house and how unfair it is to our dad. She said that Jeremy GAVE US his car (even though we bought it for $3,700 cash). She said Jeremy talks about how annoying I am, which I guess explains why Julie and Jeremy never come over to hang out. Funny how I am good enough for them to watch their son, but apparently it's ok to still talk crap about me behind my back.

I think the worst part was my aunt's response to everything though. My aunt said that Dan and I should move into an apartment and let Julie and Jeremy live at the house and how unfair it is. She said things about me and my weight, telling Julie that she'd never end up like me. She said that there is 1 difference between Julie and I... that Julie actually is motivated to do something whereas I am not. Clearly she has never had a weight problem. Nobody knows how frustrated I am with myself, so how dare them talk about my weight and motivation behind my back. Obviously I'm fat, thanks for talking about it. Apparently she sent Julie a birthday gift and told Julie "not to tell her nosey sister". She kept calling my sister "her favorite" and seriously complained about me in some of the messages. This is the aunt that I thought of as my personal favorite, and to see her talking about me behind my back was just awful. Clearly we don't have the relationship I thought we had for all these years.

I seriously don't think anyone understands how tight things are with Dan and I right now. Dan makes 25K per year, and that is it. We are a family of 4 living on his salary alone. While we don't pay for "rent", we pay for our RG&E, water, garbage, telephone, cable, and internet. Then obviously we have some credit cards that weren't taken care of in our bankruptcy, car insurance, gas, babysitting when we need it, and groceries. That doesn't leave us with much. If you think about it, Julie and Jeremy actually make more money than us. Julie makes about 22K or so, if not more, and then Jeremy has his own salary which is at least 20K. I don't understand why everyone thinks that we make money when they know I'm not working.

I really thought that Julie and I were becoming closer. As she is a mother now, I thought she and I were bonding more. Obviously we weren't. My sister doesn't pay rent either, nor does she pay for anything else other than her own bills. I used to "lecture" her about it, because my mom did a lot for them, but I stopped and haven't said a word about it to her or behind her back. I have had no reason to say anything about her or Jer, because I thought we were all getting better. It's just very clear now that no matter how much I do for some people they will still talk about me. As far as my aunt is concerned, I'm just disgusted. When I called my dad about it he said that maybe she was just going along with Julie. However, sometimes she would be the one to say something negative about me first. For instance, she mentioned to Julie "Christine failed to mention that the stuff the kids wanted for Christmas weighed a ton". Why say that? Just don't buy for them, you don't buy for me, so just stop buying for them. Whatever. I'm so upset.