As I sit here alone in bed on Christmas Eve, I cannot help but reflect on the past year. So many health problems had happened for me in recent years, and I can remember my mother telling me last year "Baby, 2010 is YOUR year". I had some major doubts, but I held on to a shred of optimism. Looking back at the past year, I can honestly say that she was right, I have really had an amazing year.
I started student teaching in the beginning of the year, and many people had told me how difficult it was, warning me that some people fail and/or drop out of the program realizing it is actually NOT what they want. However, I had an awesome 2 placements, and in no time I was walking across that stage proudly with my little girl waiting for me at the other end. That moment literally still brings tears to my eyes.
I immediately began subbing in a few districts, and I had assumed I would be subbing for a year at LEAST while the job hunt continued. It really seemed hopeless. I even started to think about moving our whole family over seas to pursue my teaching career, as I knew the student loans would be piling up soon. However, mid-July my dreams came true and I was hired at a school that is right down the road from my house.
Ever since then, the time has flew by as I have been amerced in my classroom. In my "spare time" at school I helped put on a musical along with another teacher and the music teacher. It was awesome to see it come to fruition, but I am definitely glad that it is over. I have gotten the most wonderful compliments from my principal, to the point where I wonder if she just likes to feed my ego, but it's so amazing to know that she supports and believes in me. And believe it or not, I am getting a student teacher in January! I'm still a little foggy on how this came to be, but Di pulled me into her office and told me that she wanted me to teach someone because I'm "one of the best and most natural teachers she has seen", so needless to say, she starts in a few weeks! It's so weird to think that literally a year ago from today I was excited about student teaching, and I am actually getting a student teacher. I truly feel that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now, and that is all I need.
As far as Dan and the kids go, they all have had a wonderful year as well. Everyone has stayed healthy and safe, and we are truly an amazingly happy family. Benjamin's speech is improving a bit, but I think he'll still need speech services in the future. He's such a good natured boy, and watching his genuine care for others always makes me smile. Audrey is doing awesome in first grade, she's in advanced placement for everything. She's actively involved in gymnastics, dance, and girl scouts, so she definitely keeps us busy!
Yes, 2010 truly has been an amazing year. I can't wait to see what 2011 has in store for us!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Teaching
I guess I am not surprised that I have not updated since school started this year, since I have been kept extremely busy! My class is doing well. I am a first year teacher, so obviously I am constantly changing or finding better things to do, but I think I am managing to keep my head above water. I feel like all I do is work. I am constantly on the go at school, then I come home and plan all night. I can't imagine having to go through this again, but it will all depend on how long I am able to stay at HH. The salary and benefits are not great, but the people are wonderful, and the kids are (for the most part) awesome, so it's hard to say.
I do have a quite difficult class this year. I have 11 students, 3 of whom have Autism, and 1 who is classified as Emotionally Disturbed. The class can be quite chaotic at times, but they are all pretty awesome!
On other notes: Audrey started 1st grade and is doing quite well! She makes me such a proud mommy sometimes! She's been having some behavioral issues at home, but we're trying a traffic light chart to help, so hopefully this works! Dan has started watching Cailyn before and after school, and this has been quite the change in our family dynamic, so I'm sure we are still in an adjustment period. Hopefully things will seem more settled soon. (It doesn't help that Dan gets kinda cranky in the mornings, and the kids feed off of his behavior).
Audrey has also started back up with Dance. She decided to quit cheerleading, as it was just "too much" for her, so she decided to join gymnastics instead. She is doing VERY well in gymnastics, and loves it very much. I am guessing this will be her last year at dance, as I cannot afford for her to keep taking dance and gymnastics! We're gonna let her pick which one she'd like to continue, but she's already told me that she likes gymnastics more (go figure, more expensive), so that is most likely the plan for next year.
Benny is doing really well =) His speech is starting to get better, and he has been impressing me with some of the stuff he knows! He's been counting, learning his ABC's, and he's REALLY good at the Memory Game! He'd like to start doing something, and has asked for gymnastics, but he can't sign up until he is 4, so if he's still interested he'll be doing that in January.
I'm really surprised neither of my kids bowl... so weird! Maybe I'll talk to my daddy about that! hahahaha
Ok, back to lesson planning! =) Fun Fun!
I do have a quite difficult class this year. I have 11 students, 3 of whom have Autism, and 1 who is classified as Emotionally Disturbed. The class can be quite chaotic at times, but they are all pretty awesome!
On other notes: Audrey started 1st grade and is doing quite well! She makes me such a proud mommy sometimes! She's been having some behavioral issues at home, but we're trying a traffic light chart to help, so hopefully this works! Dan has started watching Cailyn before and after school, and this has been quite the change in our family dynamic, so I'm sure we are still in an adjustment period. Hopefully things will seem more settled soon. (It doesn't help that Dan gets kinda cranky in the mornings, and the kids feed off of his behavior).
Audrey has also started back up with Dance. She decided to quit cheerleading, as it was just "too much" for her, so she decided to join gymnastics instead. She is doing VERY well in gymnastics, and loves it very much. I am guessing this will be her last year at dance, as I cannot afford for her to keep taking dance and gymnastics! We're gonna let her pick which one she'd like to continue, but she's already told me that she likes gymnastics more (go figure, more expensive), so that is most likely the plan for next year.
Benny is doing really well =) His speech is starting to get better, and he has been impressing me with some of the stuff he knows! He's been counting, learning his ABC's, and he's REALLY good at the Memory Game! He'd like to start doing something, and has asked for gymnastics, but he can't sign up until he is 4, so if he's still interested he'll be doing that in January.
I'm really surprised neither of my kids bowl... so weird! Maybe I'll talk to my daddy about that! hahahaha
Ok, back to lesson planning! =) Fun Fun!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Job
I can't believe it's taken me so long to post this, but not only have I gotten a job in Rochester, but it's only 5 minutes away from my house =) Yay! I am an official 4th grade teacher at Hope Hall! I sent my resume in after one of the women I worked with in Rush Henrietta told me what a wonderful school it was, and although no jobs were posted, I was called for an interview about 2 months after I sent the resume in, and was hired the very same day I interviewed!
The whole process was so surreal, I'll never forget it. We had been visiting Dan's family in Duanesburg for an extended weekend, and I had broken the news to my in-laws that Dan and I were quite possibly moving to Abu Dhabi. My mother-in-law cried, which was so hard, she felt like she'd never see the kids again =( While driving home on the Thruway, I received a call from Hope Hall asking me to come in for an interview. I was ecstatic to say the least! The interview was the next morning at 9am, so I hardly had time to prepare! I actually didn't think I'd get the job, but I was excited for the interview experience. The next day I was SO nervous, but after meeting with Sister Diana I just "knew" the job would be mine. She called me at 4pm that same day to inform me that I had gotten the job =)
Everything happened so fast! One day I was planning to move across the world to do what I love, and the next day I'm a 4th grade teacher working 5 miles away from home! I started working on my classroom immediately, and now I am just shocked to realize that school is almost here! I went threw a week of training about 3 weeks ago, and I have been at work doing staff development ever since. Everyone is so unbelievably nice and welcoming. I will be working with the 3rd and 5th grade teachers very closely, and they have been super nice and understanding with all my questions! My classroom is basically done now, minus some decorating, which I think I can tackle in about 2 hours time =) It's so nice! I'm so happy! Plus, now I can actually (barely) afford my student loans!!! That is such a relief! I know I won't have a ton of extra money per month, but at least I can afford them! Now I can start building up my credit!
This job is such a blessing. Plus, if I stay at Hope Hall for 5 years, I (hopefully) get $17,500 towards my student loans! I can be completely debt free by the time I'm 37... that just sounds amazing to me! Yay for growing up!!! I can't wait to meet my 12 little munchkins on Wednesday!!! =)
The whole process was so surreal, I'll never forget it. We had been visiting Dan's family in Duanesburg for an extended weekend, and I had broken the news to my in-laws that Dan and I were quite possibly moving to Abu Dhabi. My mother-in-law cried, which was so hard, she felt like she'd never see the kids again =( While driving home on the Thruway, I received a call from Hope Hall asking me to come in for an interview. I was ecstatic to say the least! The interview was the next morning at 9am, so I hardly had time to prepare! I actually didn't think I'd get the job, but I was excited for the interview experience. The next day I was SO nervous, but after meeting with Sister Diana I just "knew" the job would be mine. She called me at 4pm that same day to inform me that I had gotten the job =)
Everything happened so fast! One day I was planning to move across the world to do what I love, and the next day I'm a 4th grade teacher working 5 miles away from home! I started working on my classroom immediately, and now I am just shocked to realize that school is almost here! I went threw a week of training about 3 weeks ago, and I have been at work doing staff development ever since. Everyone is so unbelievably nice and welcoming. I will be working with the 3rd and 5th grade teachers very closely, and they have been super nice and understanding with all my questions! My classroom is basically done now, minus some decorating, which I think I can tackle in about 2 hours time =) It's so nice! I'm so happy! Plus, now I can actually (barely) afford my student loans!!! That is such a relief! I know I won't have a ton of extra money per month, but at least I can afford them! Now I can start building up my credit!
This job is such a blessing. Plus, if I stay at Hope Hall for 5 years, I (hopefully) get $17,500 towards my student loans! I can be completely debt free by the time I'm 37... that just sounds amazing to me! Yay for growing up!!! I can't wait to meet my 12 little munchkins on Wednesday!!! =)
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
My little Peach turns 6
It's official, my daughter is 6 years old. I am not as unhappy as I thought I would be about that... Usually on her or Ben's birthday I fake it to the best of my abilities, but inside I am fighting a depression, knowing that my babies are growing older and need me less and less. I know that sounds completely selfish, but I just adore them and want to savor every minute I can with them while they are young.
We had lots of festivities planned for today =) First we went to see the movie Hoodwinked at Regal Henrietta, then we swam at my mom's house for a few hours (the temperature was over 90 degrees again today). We came home and played a little bit, then Dan made Audrey's meal of choice for the evening: Pork chops, corn on the cob, stuffing, and applesauce! She definitely upgraded from last year, in which she requested spaghetti and meatballs. We had cake and opened presents... it was a purely enjoyable day! The next kid's birthday I celebrate my son will be turning 4... I am pretty positive that I'll be freaking out when that day comes!
I can officially post something on my blog now: There is a possibility that Dan and I are moving.... to
Abu Dhabi. I haven't said anything about it on my blog before because I never know who reads it. I actually think NOBODY reads it, but just in case I have had to cover my tracks and not talk about it until my phone interviews have been completed and I have spoken to my family about it. Now that I have done all of the above, I can speak a little more freely about this.
I guess I'll just answer the basic questions people have asked of me, which includes the 5 W's:
WHY?- Well, currently I am only subbing, and Dan is stuck at a dead-end job, so right now we really have nothing holding us back. I hate living at my dad's house when I know he is financially struggling. Kim lost her job 7 months ago, and he really can't afford to pay our mortgage plus all the expenses at her house. It's not fair to him. Trust me, he hasn't ever complained or asked us to leave, but I hate knowing that his life could be better if I weren't such a burden. If I were to teach abroad, they would pay me approximately $4,000 per month TAX FREE and also pay for our residence. (Plus, check out how beautiful it is!!!)
WHO?- We all would go, leaving our house and cars behind. Dan would be on my work Visa and allowed to work the day we arrived, which is nice. Audrey would either have to go to an International School or be home-schooled, and we are leaning towards homeschooling her. International Schools are very expensive, plus Audrey is already quite advanced past where she should be, so we don't know if an International School will be able to give her everything we hope she would get.
WHAT?- Well, the position I have been tentatively offered is a Kindergarten job. Obviously that can change, but from what I hear they are in desperate need of Kindergarten teachers over there. I think it would be fun, yet challenging all at the same time.
WHERE?- Abu Dhabi is located in the United Arab Emirates, East of Saudi Arabia. It is approximately a 20 hour plane ride, and costs about $2,000 per plane ticket. Luckily, if/when we go, they will pay for 1 round trip ticket per family member a year, and we would plan on spending the summer back home to visit family. We also might end up in Al Ayn, which is a smaller city than Abu Dhabi. They place a lot of families in Al Ayn because it is less congested. Either way, I'll have a job and a home.
WHEN?- Well, they initially wanted me to leave this August, as in a month from now... that was just NOT happening! They asked about January, but I still feel like that is too soon. So we have agreed upon next August, 2011. There would be way too many arrangements to make, and I just don't feel comfortable leaving sooner than a year. The teaching contract is for 2 years, with an option to continue on after that 2 years. After talking to my dad, he has come to either 2 decisions: Either he sells the house when we leave or he lets Julie and Jeremy live here. Either way, we will be forced to put ALL of our personal belongings into storage. Literally our whole house would be put into storage because Julie and Jeremy have their own stuff, or because new owners wouldn't really want to hold onto our stuff.
There is so much other stuff to consider, and it's really hard to decide what is the best move for our family. Audrey already has a solid educational start here, and she's involved in many activities outside of school. We'd have to sell our cars and then purchase one over there. And we wouldn't have a place to go once we decided to return. However, is that enough to hold us back? My family seemed to support the decision when they first heard everything, but now it's a little different. My mom said if we go she'll kill us (nice thought), and my dad seemed distressed that he wouldn't see the kids. Jen seems to think I'm not going at all, and literally told me at Audrey's soccer game to "shut up" because "You're not going anywhere". However, in a shocking twist, my sister seems totally indifferent (can you sense the sarcasm?). Her words to me were "Sweet, I'll get the house?". For the record: Yes, Julie, you will get the house. Don't worry that your sister may be moving and you won't see her or your niece or nephew for a long time (not that she cares about them anyway), just worry that you get the house. Typical. Ugh, whatever.
I wish I had a crystal ball that was telling me the right decisions to make. That would make life so much easier. Oh well. Even if we decide to move, and it turns out to be the worst decision ever made, at least I know that I tried. No matter what I will have Dan and the kids by my side, and that is all that really matters. It's almost exciting, knowing that our possibilities are endless if we just have the faith to leap. Who knows what will happen? We may end up loving living in another country and exploring the cultures of other countries and decide to keep traveling! We may love being away but come back to the US, and we'd have complete freedom over where we decide to live because we wouldn't have a home in Rochester anymore, so we could go anywhere. We might not end up going at all, and our future can be bright as ever in Rochester.
Wherever my journey may take me, I just want to experience the whole thing fully, with my family by my side <3
We had lots of festivities planned for today =) First we went to see the movie Hoodwinked at Regal Henrietta, then we swam at my mom's house for a few hours (the temperature was over 90 degrees again today). We came home and played a little bit, then Dan made Audrey's meal of choice for the evening: Pork chops, corn on the cob, stuffing, and applesauce! She definitely upgraded from last year, in which she requested spaghetti and meatballs. We had cake and opened presents... it was a purely enjoyable day! The next kid's birthday I celebrate my son will be turning 4... I am pretty positive that I'll be freaking out when that day comes!
I can officially post something on my blog now: There is a possibility that Dan and I are moving.... to
Abu Dhabi. I haven't said anything about it on my blog before because I never know who reads it. I actually think NOBODY reads it, but just in case I have had to cover my tracks and not talk about it until my phone interviews have been completed and I have spoken to my family about it. Now that I have done all of the above, I can speak a little more freely about this.
I guess I'll just answer the basic questions people have asked of me, which includes the 5 W's:
WHY?- Well, currently I am only subbing, and Dan is stuck at a dead-end job, so right now we really have nothing holding us back. I hate living at my dad's house when I know he is financially struggling. Kim lost her job 7 months ago, and he really can't afford to pay our mortgage plus all the expenses at her house. It's not fair to him. Trust me, he hasn't ever complained or asked us to leave, but I hate knowing that his life could be better if I weren't such a burden. If I were to teach abroad, they would pay me approximately $4,000 per month TAX FREE and also pay for our residence. (Plus, check out how beautiful it is!!!)
WHO?- We all would go, leaving our house and cars behind. Dan would be on my work Visa and allowed to work the day we arrived, which is nice. Audrey would either have to go to an International School or be home-schooled, and we are leaning towards homeschooling her. International Schools are very expensive, plus Audrey is already quite advanced past where she should be, so we don't know if an International School will be able to give her everything we hope she would get.
WHAT?- Well, the position I have been tentatively offered is a Kindergarten job. Obviously that can change, but from what I hear they are in desperate need of Kindergarten teachers over there. I think it would be fun, yet challenging all at the same time.
WHERE?- Abu Dhabi is located in the United Arab Emirates, East of Saudi Arabia. It is approximately a 20 hour plane ride, and costs about $2,000 per plane ticket. Luckily, if/when we go, they will pay for 1 round trip ticket per family member a year, and we would plan on spending the summer back home to visit family. We also might end up in Al Ayn, which is a smaller city than Abu Dhabi. They place a lot of families in Al Ayn because it is less congested. Either way, I'll have a job and a home.
WHEN?- Well, they initially wanted me to leave this August, as in a month from now... that was just NOT happening! They asked about January, but I still feel like that is too soon. So we have agreed upon next August, 2011. There would be way too many arrangements to make, and I just don't feel comfortable leaving sooner than a year. The teaching contract is for 2 years, with an option to continue on after that 2 years. After talking to my dad, he has come to either 2 decisions: Either he sells the house when we leave or he lets Julie and Jeremy live here. Either way, we will be forced to put ALL of our personal belongings into storage. Literally our whole house would be put into storage because Julie and Jeremy have their own stuff, or because new owners wouldn't really want to hold onto our stuff.
There is so much other stuff to consider, and it's really hard to decide what is the best move for our family. Audrey already has a solid educational start here, and she's involved in many activities outside of school. We'd have to sell our cars and then purchase one over there. And we wouldn't have a place to go once we decided to return. However, is that enough to hold us back? My family seemed to support the decision when they first heard everything, but now it's a little different. My mom said if we go she'll kill us (nice thought), and my dad seemed distressed that he wouldn't see the kids. Jen seems to think I'm not going at all, and literally told me at Audrey's soccer game to "shut up" because "You're not going anywhere". However, in a shocking twist, my sister seems totally indifferent (can you sense the sarcasm?). Her words to me were "Sweet, I'll get the house?". For the record: Yes, Julie, you will get the house. Don't worry that your sister may be moving and you won't see her or your niece or nephew for a long time (not that she cares about them anyway), just worry that you get the house. Typical. Ugh, whatever.
I wish I had a crystal ball that was telling me the right decisions to make. That would make life so much easier. Oh well. Even if we decide to move, and it turns out to be the worst decision ever made, at least I know that I tried. No matter what I will have Dan and the kids by my side, and that is all that really matters. It's almost exciting, knowing that our possibilities are endless if we just have the faith to leap. Who knows what will happen? We may end up loving living in another country and exploring the cultures of other countries and decide to keep traveling! We may love being away but come back to the US, and we'd have complete freedom over where we decide to live because we wouldn't have a home in Rochester anymore, so we could go anywhere. We might not end up going at all, and our future can be bright as ever in Rochester.
Wherever my journey may take me, I just want to experience the whole thing fully, with my family by my side <3
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Summer begins
Well, summer has officially began! Audrey's last day of Kindergarten was yesterday, and she came off the bus yelling for her Kindergarten teacher! She is really going to miss Mrs. Mulhern, but I also think she's excited to call herself a first grader! She has worked so hard this year! I am so proud of her!
She's starting to exert a little more independence lately, which is nice but also kinda freaky! She is such a capable young girl, so I know that I should give her a bit more freedom (listening to radio before bed, going outside and playing with friends, calling friends on the telephone), but there is such a large part of me that wants to just keep her this age forever. Don't get me wrong, she can still freak out with the best of them, but she's doing that a lot less frequently (thank goodness!). She is definitely looking forward to summer vacation though! We have lots of fun things planned, so I am sure the kids are going to really enjoy themselves!
Benjamin has been much more independent as well, which is also scary for me, but at night he still sleeps with me and cuddles with me, so that makes me feel much better! I don't want the age to come where he doesn't ever want to cuddle with me anymore! I think when that day comes, I will cry harder than I ever have. I really look forward to it every single night, and at this point he does too, so hopefully he'll stay this way until he's 20! haha
I am officially an Aunt again!!! Cassie had baby Haley 2 days ago! Her water broke Monday, but she stalled at 7cm dialated, so she ended up having a c-section Tuesday! I cannot stop looking at pictures of her! Haley is completely beautiful, and just a beautiful mix of Dave and Cassie! I am very happy for them, and wish them the best of luck! I can't wait to meet her in person! I want to kiss her cute little cheeks so bad! hehe
Work is going well. I am done subbing for now. I volunteered to be placed on the substitute list for the summer, but I never heard anything about it, so I'm guessing I am not subbing over the summer! Thank goodness my Lia business is going better than expected! I was worried I wouldn't ever get bookings, but so far I have done well! I can't wait to keep going! Obviously I am still looking for a full-time teaching job, but prospects just aren't great =( It breaks my heart, but I just have to keep telling myself that I am doing absolutely everything I can right now, and hopefully it will pay off. I truly feel that I deserve and am ready for a classroom of my own, but I guess we'll just wait and see.
I guess I have been kinda upset lately, but it's my own fault. I have a hard time of "forgetting and forgiving", and I really need to work on that. A few months back when everything was said between my Aunt and my sister, I was very hurt, and I guess I never got over it. Julie had said that I always go out and "never have my kids", and this couldn't be further from the truth. However, her and Jeremy really do go out a lot, and it upsets me. I don't think it would upset me if she had not said those hurtful things about me to my Aunt, but because she did I really take offense. For instance, she just went out to a Red Wings game on Monday night with Jeremy (no baby), and now Jeremy is asking me to watch Anthony on Friday night so they can go out. I just watched him a few weeks ago so they could go to dinner. I honestly have no problem whatsoever watching Anthony, I love him to pieces and I really enjoy when I get to see him, but I always think to myself "Yea, but I'm the one who doesn't spend time with their kids ever". I think it bothers me more because I have never, EVER, been able to call up Julie and ask her for a favor. She has never wanted to watch the 2 kids at once because she always thought it would be too overwhelming, so for 3.5 years now she has not watched the kids. I guess it just hurts because I have never had that sister that if I were in a bind that I could call and ask for help. I don't get date nights with my hubby... so I guess I am jealous.
Not to mention that Jeremy was talking shit about me right in front of Jackie the other day and yet he has no problem asking me for favors either. I'm always good enough to watch their kid, but I'm never good enough to talk to or visit. That's the way I feel. I literally NEVER see Julie, and it wasn't always like this. I'll only see her when I visit my moms house. She came to my grad party a few weeks ago and stayed inside the whole time, so I barely saw her, and then she left early. I don't even feel like she's my sister anymore. Something has been really bothering her, but when I ask she won't tell me what it is. We used to always be able to talk, and we just can't anymore. I don't know what happened. I really thought that when she was pregnant that things were changing, but I think I was wrong. It hurts me so much, because I just feel like she's changed into this selfish person who doesn't really care about anyone else.
Yesterday at my mom's house Benjamin needed his floaties taken off, and I told him to go to Aunt Julie, but he went to my mom instead. She got offended that he didn't want to go up to her, but I felt like saying "No offense Julie, but he doesn't really know you". When it's not summertime and we're at my mom's swimming a lot, he only sees her at family functions, like birthdays, holidays, etc. He never spends time with her, nor does Audrey. They are FAR more closer to Anna than they are to Julie, and seeing as how they only see her 4x a year, that's really saying something.
I feel like she has missed out on so much of their lives, and that hurts me. I don't want to miss out on Anthony's life, which is the only reason I watch him when they ask. I love spending time with him, but I don't think Julie and Jeremy need another night out, they get quite enough. It must be nice! I think I'm gonna ask my sister out to dinner and talk to her about the way I am feeling, because it's literally eating me up inside. I want my sister back.
She's starting to exert a little more independence lately, which is nice but also kinda freaky! She is such a capable young girl, so I know that I should give her a bit more freedom (listening to radio before bed, going outside and playing with friends, calling friends on the telephone), but there is such a large part of me that wants to just keep her this age forever. Don't get me wrong, she can still freak out with the best of them, but she's doing that a lot less frequently (thank goodness!). She is definitely looking forward to summer vacation though! We have lots of fun things planned, so I am sure the kids are going to really enjoy themselves!
Benjamin has been much more independent as well, which is also scary for me, but at night he still sleeps with me and cuddles with me, so that makes me feel much better! I don't want the age to come where he doesn't ever want to cuddle with me anymore! I think when that day comes, I will cry harder than I ever have. I really look forward to it every single night, and at this point he does too, so hopefully he'll stay this way until he's 20! haha
I am officially an Aunt again!!! Cassie had baby Haley 2 days ago! Her water broke Monday, but she stalled at 7cm dialated, so she ended up having a c-section Tuesday! I cannot stop looking at pictures of her! Haley is completely beautiful, and just a beautiful mix of Dave and Cassie! I am very happy for them, and wish them the best of luck! I can't wait to meet her in person! I want to kiss her cute little cheeks so bad! hehe
Work is going well. I am done subbing for now. I volunteered to be placed on the substitute list for the summer, but I never heard anything about it, so I'm guessing I am not subbing over the summer! Thank goodness my Lia business is going better than expected! I was worried I wouldn't ever get bookings, but so far I have done well! I can't wait to keep going! Obviously I am still looking for a full-time teaching job, but prospects just aren't great =( It breaks my heart, but I just have to keep telling myself that I am doing absolutely everything I can right now, and hopefully it will pay off. I truly feel that I deserve and am ready for a classroom of my own, but I guess we'll just wait and see.
I guess I have been kinda upset lately, but it's my own fault. I have a hard time of "forgetting and forgiving", and I really need to work on that. A few months back when everything was said between my Aunt and my sister, I was very hurt, and I guess I never got over it. Julie had said that I always go out and "never have my kids", and this couldn't be further from the truth. However, her and Jeremy really do go out a lot, and it upsets me. I don't think it would upset me if she had not said those hurtful things about me to my Aunt, but because she did I really take offense. For instance, she just went out to a Red Wings game on Monday night with Jeremy (no baby), and now Jeremy is asking me to watch Anthony on Friday night so they can go out. I just watched him a few weeks ago so they could go to dinner. I honestly have no problem whatsoever watching Anthony, I love him to pieces and I really enjoy when I get to see him, but I always think to myself "Yea, but I'm the one who doesn't spend time with their kids ever". I think it bothers me more because I have never, EVER, been able to call up Julie and ask her for a favor. She has never wanted to watch the 2 kids at once because she always thought it would be too overwhelming, so for 3.5 years now she has not watched the kids. I guess it just hurts because I have never had that sister that if I were in a bind that I could call and ask for help. I don't get date nights with my hubby... so I guess I am jealous.
Not to mention that Jeremy was talking shit about me right in front of Jackie the other day and yet he has no problem asking me for favors either. I'm always good enough to watch their kid, but I'm never good enough to talk to or visit. That's the way I feel. I literally NEVER see Julie, and it wasn't always like this. I'll only see her when I visit my moms house. She came to my grad party a few weeks ago and stayed inside the whole time, so I barely saw her, and then she left early. I don't even feel like she's my sister anymore. Something has been really bothering her, but when I ask she won't tell me what it is. We used to always be able to talk, and we just can't anymore. I don't know what happened. I really thought that when she was pregnant that things were changing, but I think I was wrong. It hurts me so much, because I just feel like she's changed into this selfish person who doesn't really care about anyone else.
Yesterday at my mom's house Benjamin needed his floaties taken off, and I told him to go to Aunt Julie, but he went to my mom instead. She got offended that he didn't want to go up to her, but I felt like saying "No offense Julie, but he doesn't really know you". When it's not summertime and we're at my mom's swimming a lot, he only sees her at family functions, like birthdays, holidays, etc. He never spends time with her, nor does Audrey. They are FAR more closer to Anna than they are to Julie, and seeing as how they only see her 4x a year, that's really saying something.
I feel like she has missed out on so much of their lives, and that hurts me. I don't want to miss out on Anthony's life, which is the only reason I watch him when they ask. I love spending time with him, but I don't think Julie and Jeremy need another night out, they get quite enough. It must be nice! I think I'm gonna ask my sister out to dinner and talk to her about the way I am feeling, because it's literally eating me up inside. I want my sister back.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Done, and then some =)
Well, I graduated a couple of weeks ago, yay!!! The best part of that day BY FAR though was having Audrey there to experience the whole thing with me! I wasn't nervous or emotional the entire time, but as soon as they called my name I completely lost it and started bawling my eyes out! When I walked across the stage, I heard "Mommy!!!" and there was Dan and Audrey standing there waiting for me! It was the best ever! I have been going to school for her entire life, and I think she actually understands that I don't have to leave her anymore. It was just the most amazing experience <3
My placement in Rush-Henrietta was much more demanding of my time, but it was well worth it. I was placed with such a wonderful class and my host teacher was just amazing, I'm truly very blessed! I have gone back about 1x per week since graduation for the day just to help out in the class. This is just great experience for me, so while I'm not subbing I might as well feel useful!
Speaking of which, I am an official substitute teacher- mini yay! I have been hired by Churchville-Chili and Rush-Henrietta and have kept pretty busy! I was beyond terrified for my first day, but I did a lot of research on it, found lots of different games to play and strategies to use regarding classroom management, and so far I have not had any problems!! I'm being called approximately 3x per week, which is nice! I actually get to sub in Leary (the school I was placed at for student teaching) for the first time this week, so I'm excited!
I don't think I'll be getting a full-time job for the upcoming school year which sucks, but a lot of districts already held their interviews this month, so I guess I am out of luck :( I am trying not to get too depressed though, at least I am subbing and making SOME money, which is more than I have been doing for 5 months! I'm more worried about student loans than anything, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. There have been so many experienced teachers laid off the past few months due to budget cuts that I truly understand why my odds for getting a job aren't good, but it still sucks =( I'll keep doing my best everyday though and hopefully someone will take notice! (Although with my 8 letters of recommendation in my placement file, it seems like people already have noticed!)
I have also begun started selling lia sophia jewelry!!! I'm very excited about this, because not only do I need a second income, but I also LOVE the products, so it seems to be a perfect match!!! I would much rather try and host 3 shows per month and earn an extra $500 than work 20 hours per week part time and earn the same amount! I knew that I had to try it, and I am going to put my best foot forward! If for some reason it doesn't work out so well, then at least I know I tried, but I am really hoping it takes off well =)
Audrey just had her dance recital yesterday, and she did such a great job!!! She's such a good little dancer!!! (Clearly, as seen above, she does not get her dancing skills from my mother! haha) My in-laws came up to see it, which was really special to Audrey, I know she loved having them here to see her! I also danced in the "mom's dance", and well.... I didn't fall on my face!!! haha It was fun, and I did it for Audrey! Hopefully she doesn't ask me to do it again though!! Audrey starts soccer in about 2 weeks, and then once soccer is over she's asked us if she can join cheer-leading... Yikes!! I really don't mind, I'd love for her to get a taste of quite a few different things and decide what she really likes, but the commitment to cheer-leading is staggering! In August she'd have practice Monday thru Thursday from 6-8:30. Then, in September, it would change to Tuesday and Thursday practice 6-8, Saturday morning practice 9:30-12, and Sunday she'd perform at games! Yikes!!! I don't know if that would be too much for her, but I suppose she could give it a try!
I just can't wait till Benny can do some stuff of his own instead of going to all of Audrey's things and nothing of his own! I'd love to get him into soccer, but he's still not old enough =( Ugh! He's gonna be such a good athlete, I can just tell. He's already better at soccer than Audrey lol I can't wait to see what he will do when he's older!
Hmmmm what else can I report on??? My nephew is 7 months old now! Crazy how time flies!! I just watched him the other day and I can't believe how big he's gotten! He has 6 teeth now, and the most adorable little giggle! The kids really like it when he comes over, so it's nice every once and a while! I honestly can say for sure after watching him though that there is NO WAY I could ever have another child. As cute as he is, I'm always glad to give him back!!! I feel like the worst Aunt in the world for saying that, but when I have the 3 kids all together it feels like utter chaos at times!! lol
Well, I've officially stared at this computer screen longer than I should have... I've had a migraine for almost 24 hours now and it's not getting any better. Every time I cry, I basically know that I'll be paying for it later on =( I really need to get back to the neurologist. I've been getting the migraines way more frequently lately and they have been lasting much longer than usual. Oh well, maybe someday.
My placement in Rush-Henrietta was much more demanding of my time, but it was well worth it. I was placed with such a wonderful class and my host teacher was just amazing, I'm truly very blessed! I have gone back about 1x per week since graduation for the day just to help out in the class. This is just great experience for me, so while I'm not subbing I might as well feel useful!
Speaking of which, I am an official substitute teacher- mini yay! I have been hired by Churchville-Chili and Rush-Henrietta and have kept pretty busy! I was beyond terrified for my first day, but I did a lot of research on it, found lots of different games to play and strategies to use regarding classroom management, and so far I have not had any problems!! I'm being called approximately 3x per week, which is nice! I actually get to sub in Leary (the school I was placed at for student teaching) for the first time this week, so I'm excited!
I don't think I'll be getting a full-time job for the upcoming school year which sucks, but a lot of districts already held their interviews this month, so I guess I am out of luck :( I am trying not to get too depressed though, at least I am subbing and making SOME money, which is more than I have been doing for 5 months! I'm more worried about student loans than anything, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. There have been so many experienced teachers laid off the past few months due to budget cuts that I truly understand why my odds for getting a job aren't good, but it still sucks =( I'll keep doing my best everyday though and hopefully someone will take notice! (Although with my 8 letters of recommendation in my placement file, it seems like people already have noticed!)
I have also begun started selling lia sophia jewelry!!! I'm very excited about this, because not only do I need a second income, but I also LOVE the products, so it seems to be a perfect match!!! I would much rather try and host 3 shows per month and earn an extra $500 than work 20 hours per week part time and earn the same amount! I knew that I had to try it, and I am going to put my best foot forward! If for some reason it doesn't work out so well, then at least I know I tried, but I am really hoping it takes off well =)
Audrey just had her dance recital yesterday, and she did such a great job!!! She's such a good little dancer!!! (Clearly, as seen above, she does not get her dancing skills from my mother! haha) My in-laws came up to see it, which was really special to Audrey, I know she loved having them here to see her! I also danced in the "mom's dance", and well.... I didn't fall on my face!!! haha It was fun, and I did it for Audrey! Hopefully she doesn't ask me to do it again though!! Audrey starts soccer in about 2 weeks, and then once soccer is over she's asked us if she can join cheer-leading... Yikes!! I really don't mind, I'd love for her to get a taste of quite a few different things and decide what she really likes, but the commitment to cheer-leading is staggering! In August she'd have practice Monday thru Thursday from 6-8:30. Then, in September, it would change to Tuesday and Thursday practice 6-8, Saturday morning practice 9:30-12, and Sunday she'd perform at games! Yikes!!! I don't know if that would be too much for her, but I suppose she could give it a try!
I just can't wait till Benny can do some stuff of his own instead of going to all of Audrey's things and nothing of his own! I'd love to get him into soccer, but he's still not old enough =( Ugh! He's gonna be such a good athlete, I can just tell. He's already better at soccer than Audrey lol I can't wait to see what he will do when he's older!
Hmmmm what else can I report on??? My nephew is 7 months old now! Crazy how time flies!! I just watched him the other day and I can't believe how big he's gotten! He has 6 teeth now, and the most adorable little giggle! The kids really like it when he comes over, so it's nice every once and a while! I honestly can say for sure after watching him though that there is NO WAY I could ever have another child. As cute as he is, I'm always glad to give him back!!! I feel like the worst Aunt in the world for saying that, but when I have the 3 kids all together it feels like utter chaos at times!! lol
Well, I've officially stared at this computer screen longer than I should have... I've had a migraine for almost 24 hours now and it's not getting any better. Every time I cry, I basically know that I'll be paying for it later on =( I really need to get back to the neurologist. I've been getting the migraines way more frequently lately and they have been lasting much longer than usual. Oh well, maybe someday.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Half-way there!
This is my last week student teaching in LeRoy. I am not sure what I think about that. I have had an excellent time teaching there, and I am going to miss the students and all the teachers I have collaborated with very much, but I am ready to begin my new experience in Rush Henrietta. It will be a whole class, not a consultant role, so I'm very excited to see how this experience will go.
Last night I went to a mock interview session at my school, and I was not scheduled for an interview. The session was going on last night and today, so half of us had interviews yesterday and the other half today. Well, when I walked in, I told the woman who was checking in names that I had just come to observe, and that my interview was the following day. She said that they had a cancellation, so that if I would like to interview I could. The interview was with the Human Resources Director at Rush Henrietta, so I figured I had to go! Well, I did, and it went awesome!!! He asked me some questions about my personal teaching philosophy, classroom management, and troubling children. He "strongly urged me to apply" and said that I interview very well, which was an awesome thing for me to hear :) I feel much better about the interviewing process now, which is good because I have my actual scheduled interview tonight with the superintendent of Webster Central Schools! I hope it goes as well as last night's interview went! Now that I am almost done, I can't help but worrying more and more about finding a full time job... I will just keep praying and hopefully something amazing will come along :)
Today was my great Uncle Ted's funeral. It was really sad. We were not terribly close in my adult years, but when I was younger I remember more family gatherings and he was just an awesome guy. He was married to my Aunt Dorothy for 64 years! Yikes! I cannot imagine being married that long! The ceremony was really beautiful, but I did not go to the burial. He was buried right next to my grandfather, and I just can't handle that. I haven't been to his grave since he passed. I hate losing control of my emotions, and that is exactly what would have happened today if I went to the grave site. I know I need closure on my grandpa's death, but I am just not ready yet.
Things with my friends are going alright. I really have only been talking to Marisa and Amy lately. Nobody else calls or texts and asks how my student teaching is going. I bet some of my "closest" friends don't even know my host teacher's name or anything that I have been doing in this placement. I guess that solidifies the saying that "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best". That saying is so true in my life right now. I have been so completely busy in this placement, and it is only going to get worse before graduation. I feel bad that I cannot put the time and effort into my friendships as I would like, but I cannot say how upset I get when someone calls me to talk about their life, and never once asks me how things are going with me. I am so ridiculously proud of myself for almost being done, so a little excitement from "friends" doesn't seem like too much to ask.
Last night I went to a mock interview session at my school, and I was not scheduled for an interview. The session was going on last night and today, so half of us had interviews yesterday and the other half today. Well, when I walked in, I told the woman who was checking in names that I had just come to observe, and that my interview was the following day. She said that they had a cancellation, so that if I would like to interview I could. The interview was with the Human Resources Director at Rush Henrietta, so I figured I had to go! Well, I did, and it went awesome!!! He asked me some questions about my personal teaching philosophy, classroom management, and troubling children. He "strongly urged me to apply" and said that I interview very well, which was an awesome thing for me to hear :) I feel much better about the interviewing process now, which is good because I have my actual scheduled interview tonight with the superintendent of Webster Central Schools! I hope it goes as well as last night's interview went! Now that I am almost done, I can't help but worrying more and more about finding a full time job... I will just keep praying and hopefully something amazing will come along :)
Today was my great Uncle Ted's funeral. It was really sad. We were not terribly close in my adult years, but when I was younger I remember more family gatherings and he was just an awesome guy. He was married to my Aunt Dorothy for 64 years! Yikes! I cannot imagine being married that long! The ceremony was really beautiful, but I did not go to the burial. He was buried right next to my grandfather, and I just can't handle that. I haven't been to his grave since he passed. I hate losing control of my emotions, and that is exactly what would have happened today if I went to the grave site. I know I need closure on my grandpa's death, but I am just not ready yet.
Things with my friends are going alright. I really have only been talking to Marisa and Amy lately. Nobody else calls or texts and asks how my student teaching is going. I bet some of my "closest" friends don't even know my host teacher's name or anything that I have been doing in this placement. I guess that solidifies the saying that "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best". That saying is so true in my life right now. I have been so completely busy in this placement, and it is only going to get worse before graduation. I feel bad that I cannot put the time and effort into my friendships as I would like, but I cannot say how upset I get when someone calls me to talk about their life, and never once asks me how things are going with me. I am so ridiculously proud of myself for almost being done, so a little excitement from "friends" doesn't seem like too much to ask.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Keeping busy!
I can't believe that it is almost my solo week at student teaching. I have done so much lesson prep this past week it's sickening! Although, I must admit that I rather enjoy it :o) I took my final teaching certification exam yesterday afternoon. It was my special ed exam, and it was really hard. I really don't care if I barely passed it. As long as I passed, I am a happy camper!
I talked to my next host teacher the other day, and she seems alright. She seems much older than me, so I hope we get along as well as Mary and I do. She said that I should be there at 7:30am every day, and that really stinks. We only have 1 car right now, so that means we have to fix the other car in order for me to get there on time. Every day I am going to have to get the kids ready, meet Dan as he gets out of work at 7am, and then exchange the kids. I am really not looking forward to doing that, but I guess I have to throughout this placement.
I have worked on my resume, and am ready for the teachers recruitment day in April. I really hope I get a job. I guess I can't stress that enough. I don't want to have to substitute. I am so prepared and have worked so hard, I just hope I am able to get one. I have a mock interview session in March, and they will critique my interview skills, so even though I am nervous about that, I am very interested to see how I will do!
Other than school, things are good. The kids have been pretty well behaved lately, and Dan and I are trying to communicate the best we can while he is working the overnights. Today is Kim's birthday, so we are going over there to celebrate a little today! It's been a busy few weeks, but I wouldn't have my life any other way right now :o)
I talked to my next host teacher the other day, and she seems alright. She seems much older than me, so I hope we get along as well as Mary and I do. She said that I should be there at 7:30am every day, and that really stinks. We only have 1 car right now, so that means we have to fix the other car in order for me to get there on time. Every day I am going to have to get the kids ready, meet Dan as he gets out of work at 7am, and then exchange the kids. I am really not looking forward to doing that, but I guess I have to throughout this placement.
I have worked on my resume, and am ready for the teachers recruitment day in April. I really hope I get a job. I guess I can't stress that enough. I don't want to have to substitute. I am so prepared and have worked so hard, I just hope I am able to get one. I have a mock interview session in March, and they will critique my interview skills, so even though I am nervous about that, I am very interested to see how I will do!
Other than school, things are good. The kids have been pretty well behaved lately, and Dan and I are trying to communicate the best we can while he is working the overnights. Today is Kim's birthday, so we are going over there to celebrate a little today! It's been a busy few weeks, but I wouldn't have my life any other way right now :o)
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Redemption
Well I've started student teaching! It is everything I thought it would be, except for the fact that I find it extremely enjoyable! Mary (my host teacher) is really nice, and our personalities click very well together. She is quite constructive with me, which is exactly what I need/love, so it is a very good working relationship. I feel my ideas/concerns are very well accepted. The only thing that really sucks is that I'm paying about $11,000 this semester to be working full time! Other than that though, I've been extremely happy :)
I am not seeing my kiddies as much as I'd like to, so that kinda stinks. Even worse, I'm barely seeing Dan at all :( I miss my hubby. It's only been a few weeks, but it feels like an eternity. I can't wait until the summer so at least we will have more time together. Plus, he won't be so sleep deprived. I always feel so awful when he is tired because I know he's not sleeping enough due to my student teaching schedule. I must say though, I have noticed a difference with him. He hasn't been as grumpy as he used to be, and I really credit the job switch for that. He was stressing so much on the day shift because some of the kids were just rotten, but now that he's on overnights, he's getting paid the same amount to watch tv and play computer games... the schedule sucks, yes, but overall it's not a bad deal.
I started Jazzercise with my friend Becky this past week! We signed up during an offer that was only $20 per month! That isn't bad at all! We are going Mondays and Wednesdays for right now, and I think that is perfect. If I went more than that I would get sick of it/burn out faster. 2x a week is perfect for me to just get started. I've been watching what I eat, but I am not "dieting". That word is just terrible and only sets me up to gain more weight in the long run! I'm just trying to make healthier choices! Hopefully that will lead to weight loss!
I'm definitely getting closer to Becky lately. I don't have any friends who are in my situation really. Not only is she married, but she's also a parent. Most of my friends are either single moms or married with no kids. Plus, we enjoy a lot of the same things, so it's just nice....
... I guess you could say that 2010 is slowly redeeming itself :)
I am not seeing my kiddies as much as I'd like to, so that kinda stinks. Even worse, I'm barely seeing Dan at all :( I miss my hubby. It's only been a few weeks, but it feels like an eternity. I can't wait until the summer so at least we will have more time together. Plus, he won't be so sleep deprived. I always feel so awful when he is tired because I know he's not sleeping enough due to my student teaching schedule. I must say though, I have noticed a difference with him. He hasn't been as grumpy as he used to be, and I really credit the job switch for that. He was stressing so much on the day shift because some of the kids were just rotten, but now that he's on overnights, he's getting paid the same amount to watch tv and play computer games... the schedule sucks, yes, but overall it's not a bad deal.
I started Jazzercise with my friend Becky this past week! We signed up during an offer that was only $20 per month! That isn't bad at all! We are going Mondays and Wednesdays for right now, and I think that is perfect. If I went more than that I would get sick of it/burn out faster. 2x a week is perfect for me to just get started. I've been watching what I eat, but I am not "dieting". That word is just terrible and only sets me up to gain more weight in the long run! I'm just trying to make healthier choices! Hopefully that will lead to weight loss!
I'm definitely getting closer to Becky lately. I don't have any friends who are in my situation really. Not only is she married, but she's also a parent. Most of my friends are either single moms or married with no kids. Plus, we enjoy a lot of the same things, so it's just nice....
... I guess you could say that 2010 is slowly redeeming itself :)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Hopeful
I refuse to be negative about anything this year. Just because in the first 14 days of January I have had a big fight with family, my son was in the hospital with a dislocated elbow, our only family car broke down, made the worst first impression on my host teacher that I could have ever made, I'm getting a bad sinus infection, AND my nephew is terribly sick and has us all worried to death doesn't mean this year will be bad (at least, that's what I keep telling myself). I am trying to give 2010 a 3 month probationary period to decide how this year is gonna go! I figure that sounds fair. It wouldn't be nice for someone to judge you by only knowing you 2 weeks, would it? However, if they were to judge you after knowing you 3 months they probably would have a good idea what you are like. Therefore, I am doing the same with 2010. After 3 months if this year still sucks, I'll know to prepare myself for the upcoming 9 months of suckiness!
Hmmm, let's think of a good thing that happened... Well, I met the woman I'll be student teaching with! I'm very excited! I've been placed in LeRoy teaching 4th grade as a push in teacher. I was talking to my host teacher (Mary) about everything when we met and I am really excited! She seems like a really nice lady so I'm looking forward to working with her. I'm soooo scared though! Obviously I'm nervous to have people watching and judging me all the time, but I'm more nervous about how I will handle everything while having 2 kiddies to take care of. Everyday when I get home from "teaching" Dan will go to sleep, so I have all this on top of taking care of the kids everyday. It will be a ton of work. However, I know I can do it. I'll just be playing on facebook much less (if at all) once it starts.
My host teacher thinks that I should write a journal about my experiences, so I decided I will be starting a blog about it. I'm sure nobody will read it (as I'm sure it will be quite boring) but it will be a good way for me to always have it and look back on it and write down questions I have about teaching. I'm pretty excited to start it actually!
Today I took Audrey shoe shopping with me. To my dismay she said "Ugh Mommy, I just don't like shopping". I couldn't believe my ears. How does a daughter of mine not enjoy shopping???? I could be a professional shopper if I had the money... I just don't understand what there is not to like! Anyways, we went to DSW (which by the way moved and never told me!- Yes, it is their responsibility to tell me personally that they moved even if I only shop there once every 3 years) and I bought myself 2 of the most comfy pair of shoes I have ever worn! (Freaking shoes cost me $100) I needed 2 because I needed black and brown shoes to go with all my pants (a whopping 3 pair). I'm hoping to buy more pants this weekend.
I'm really nervous about my wardrobe because I don't have much "dress up" stuff and I have to not only dress up but be comfortable and appropriate around the kiddies 5 days a week! Ugh! BUT, lucky for me I have a wonderful hubby who understands my concerns and is allowing me to get anything I think I need! I'm so lucky <3
I don't wanna lose my hubby to the overnights tomorrow night :( Usually we fall asleep cuddling, and although it never lasts long, I can't imagine not falling asleep with him next to me. We have both worked the overnights before, but I just thought we were over all of that *sigh*.
It's ok, I have a busy weekend to keep my mind off of things! I have my student teaching seminar at 10am on Friday, along with getting my test results from the test that I took last month which I am quite positive I failed :( Then, Audrey has a birthday party for a girl in her class on Friday night at Chuck E Cheese, so I'm taking Boo Bear with us so Dan can get some sleep. Saturday morning we have Alex's birthday party to go to, and then at 2:30 we are getting our family portraits taken. Then Saturday night more shopping for last minute things I need for student teaching! No exact plans for Sunday yet, but I'm sure that will change. Then Monday I have Tonja's bday dinner, and obviously on Tuesday I start student teaching! Yikes!
Hmmm, let's think of a good thing that happened... Well, I met the woman I'll be student teaching with! I'm very excited! I've been placed in LeRoy teaching 4th grade as a push in teacher. I was talking to my host teacher (Mary) about everything when we met and I am really excited! She seems like a really nice lady so I'm looking forward to working with her. I'm soooo scared though! Obviously I'm nervous to have people watching and judging me all the time, but I'm more nervous about how I will handle everything while having 2 kiddies to take care of. Everyday when I get home from "teaching" Dan will go to sleep, so I have all this on top of taking care of the kids everyday. It will be a ton of work. However, I know I can do it. I'll just be playing on facebook much less (if at all) once it starts.
My host teacher thinks that I should write a journal about my experiences, so I decided I will be starting a blog about it. I'm sure nobody will read it (as I'm sure it will be quite boring) but it will be a good way for me to always have it and look back on it and write down questions I have about teaching. I'm pretty excited to start it actually!
Today I took Audrey shoe shopping with me. To my dismay she said "Ugh Mommy, I just don't like shopping". I couldn't believe my ears. How does a daughter of mine not enjoy shopping???? I could be a professional shopper if I had the money... I just don't understand what there is not to like! Anyways, we went to DSW (which by the way moved and never told me!- Yes, it is their responsibility to tell me personally that they moved even if I only shop there once every 3 years) and I bought myself 2 of the most comfy pair of shoes I have ever worn! (Freaking shoes cost me $100) I needed 2 because I needed black and brown shoes to go with all my pants (a whopping 3 pair). I'm hoping to buy more pants this weekend.
I'm really nervous about my wardrobe because I don't have much "dress up" stuff and I have to not only dress up but be comfortable and appropriate around the kiddies 5 days a week! Ugh! BUT, lucky for me I have a wonderful hubby who understands my concerns and is allowing me to get anything I think I need! I'm so lucky <3
I don't wanna lose my hubby to the overnights tomorrow night :( Usually we fall asleep cuddling, and although it never lasts long, I can't imagine not falling asleep with him next to me. We have both worked the overnights before, but I just thought we were over all of that *sigh*.
It's ok, I have a busy weekend to keep my mind off of things! I have my student teaching seminar at 10am on Friday, along with getting my test results from the test that I took last month which I am quite positive I failed :( Then, Audrey has a birthday party for a girl in her class on Friday night at Chuck E Cheese, so I'm taking Boo Bear with us so Dan can get some sleep. Saturday morning we have Alex's birthday party to go to, and then at 2:30 we are getting our family portraits taken. Then Saturday night more shopping for last minute things I need for student teaching! No exact plans for Sunday yet, but I'm sure that will change. Then Monday I have Tonja's bday dinner, and obviously on Tuesday I start student teaching! Yikes!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Checked out
I can honestly say that lately I have been mentally "checked out" since the new year began. With all the drama with my family (which has all been resolved), and then our only car that we have breaking down on Thursday on my way to meet my student teacher, I have just reached my mental capacity for "things going wrong" and therefore just stopped myself from caring. Is it bad that I did that? Or that I have the capacity for doing that?
I guess you can say I have a history of doing this. I did the same thing when we were under pressure to buy a 2nd car. We knew it needed to be done, and we had managed to save about $1,000 for this new car. It had to be something cheap and reliable. It was stressing me out to no end, trying to find this car. Therefore I put Dan in charge of searching. When he found and bought the car, and then when we found out the car was broken AFTER we signed the papers, I mentally checked out after a slight breakdown and call to my daddy (as usual). If that isn't proof enough, a few years back when we were trying like hell (and failing) to avoid bankruptcy, I had Dan take over all the paying of bills. I literally just stop doing what is stressing me out and pretend like the problem doesn't exist. I live in complete oblivion to whatever is around me, and that is the way it has to be or else I am the classic case of panic attacks/anxiety disorder (for which I happily take my pills).
I refuse to let myself think that this is the way that my 2010 will go. It has to be better than this slight glimpse that I have gotten into the new year. This is the year I graduate with my Masters. This is the year I become an Aunt for the second time. This is the year I should find (god willing) a teaching job. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY YEAR! How can it be, though, when I'm mentally checked out? How do I mentally check myself back in? I wish I knew.
With all that going on, I am left to feel one major thing that is really pulling at my heart... Dan (my best friend, my hubby, my Mr.) is moving to work the overnight shift at Crestwood. He'll be working 11pm-7am Wednesdays thru Sundays (for the most part). I am so sad. I hate being in the house during the day without him, so being in my bed without him is going to tear me apart. We will rarely see each other now, because when I will be coming home, he'll be going to sleep. It sucks. Period. I know that he is doing this for us, because financially it makes the most sense. It will save us a ton of money that we'd be spending on babysitting that we just don't have. But still... I'm just left to feel like a wife. A wife that loves her husband and would be content (if they won the lottery) to be with him 24/7 doing whatever we wanted. Now I have to see him when he's not sleeping. It sucks :( Looking on the bright side though, he's staying within the Hillside Family of Agencies, which is good because even though their health benefits cost an arm and a leg (when we could afford them and had health insurance, unlike now), they have really good vacation time. Plus, if he wants to go to school, he could go online and take classes while he's getting paid at work, so it would be highly beneficial if that is what he decides.
Yup, gonna focus on the positive. If I don't, I'll be taking more Lorazapam.....
I guess you can say I have a history of doing this. I did the same thing when we were under pressure to buy a 2nd car. We knew it needed to be done, and we had managed to save about $1,000 for this new car. It had to be something cheap and reliable. It was stressing me out to no end, trying to find this car. Therefore I put Dan in charge of searching. When he found and bought the car, and then when we found out the car was broken AFTER we signed the papers, I mentally checked out after a slight breakdown and call to my daddy (as usual). If that isn't proof enough, a few years back when we were trying like hell (and failing) to avoid bankruptcy, I had Dan take over all the paying of bills. I literally just stop doing what is stressing me out and pretend like the problem doesn't exist. I live in complete oblivion to whatever is around me, and that is the way it has to be or else I am the classic case of panic attacks/anxiety disorder (for which I happily take my pills).
I refuse to let myself think that this is the way that my 2010 will go. It has to be better than this slight glimpse that I have gotten into the new year. This is the year I graduate with my Masters. This is the year I become an Aunt for the second time. This is the year I should find (god willing) a teaching job. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY YEAR! How can it be, though, when I'm mentally checked out? How do I mentally check myself back in? I wish I knew.
With all that going on, I am left to feel one major thing that is really pulling at my heart... Dan (my best friend, my hubby, my Mr.) is moving to work the overnight shift at Crestwood. He'll be working 11pm-7am Wednesdays thru Sundays (for the most part). I am so sad. I hate being in the house during the day without him, so being in my bed without him is going to tear me apart. We will rarely see each other now, because when I will be coming home, he'll be going to sleep. It sucks. Period. I know that he is doing this for us, because financially it makes the most sense. It will save us a ton of money that we'd be spending on babysitting that we just don't have. But still... I'm just left to feel like a wife. A wife that loves her husband and would be content (if they won the lottery) to be with him 24/7 doing whatever we wanted. Now I have to see him when he's not sleeping. It sucks :( Looking on the bright side though, he's staying within the Hillside Family of Agencies, which is good because even though their health benefits cost an arm and a leg (when we could afford them and had health insurance, unlike now), they have really good vacation time. Plus, if he wants to go to school, he could go online and take classes while he's getting paid at work, so it would be highly beneficial if that is what he decides.
Yup, gonna focus on the positive. If I don't, I'll be taking more Lorazapam.....
Monday, January 4, 2010
Selfish/Grateful/NO CLUE
I guess the first thing I'd like to say is that I love my daddy. I am a 26 year old married mother of 2, and yet without my daddy I'd be lost. Whenever something goes wrong in my life, if I need someone, he is ALWAYS the first person I think of. A few years ago when I came out of surgery, the doctors told me the first thing I said was "Where is my daddy, I want my daddy". The doctors laughed, as did I when they told me that, because I have no recollection of it, but it doesn't surprise me in the least.
It is not because my father does so much for us that I think of him as my savior (although I'd be lying if I said that without him I don't know where I'd be). It's because he has just always been there for me. When I first got pregnant with Audrey and told him, instead of freaking out and screaming that I should have an abortion (like my mother did), he told me everything would be ok. When I was struggling with my work/school/parenting schedule, he helped me just by listening and helping babysit so I could get schoolwork done. Even this past summer when I was taking my Graduate Research class aka the hardest freaking class of my life, my dad watched the kids once per week so I could go to the library at school ALL day and study/write papers. It has been his ongoing support and confidence in me that has allowed me to continue my education. I will be graduating with my Masters in less that 5 months with a GPA of at least 3.94. I owe that to my dad.
I should also mention what a wonderful grandfather he is. He has come to numerous amounts of Audrey's soccer games and recitals, come to the hospital when Benjamin's arm was dislocated, came over Audrey's first day of school to watch her get off the bus, the trip to Vegas where he simply carried Audrey around Freemont Street because he was so excited to show her all the different things going on, playing Wii bowling with Audrey, letting Benjamin "help" with the yard work, playing outside with Benjamin, the 4 of us (dad, me, Audrey and Ben) practicing soccer moves and Benjamin suprising the helk out of us with how good he is... just everything. The other day, the kids called him and asked him if he would be coming over, and he hadn't planned on it, but he drove in the snow from Webster to come over and do a Scooby Doo puzzle with Audrey because she knew how much he likes Scooby, and then we all played UNO together. He had no reason to come over, but because the kids missed him he came. That is the kind of man my father is. Everyday he amazes me.
Recently, with things going on between my sister and my Aunt, my dad has simply lended an ear to me as I was upset. Whenever I tell him how much I appreciate what he has done for Dan and myself, he always shrugs it off like it is no big deal, but to me it is. It is the biggest deal. I feel guilty every time I hear him mention money because if it weren't for us, he would not have any financial problems at all. We try to tell him how much we appreciate him, and I know he knows it to be true, but telling him just doesn't seem to be enough. As if I don't feel guilty enough, today Kim was fired from her job.
I feel awful for her. Actually, awful doesn't begin to describe how I feel. I know that things will be financially worse for them than they already are, and I can't do a single thing to stop it. I already went searching for jobs at numerous websites and sent them to Kim today. I'm also going to be helping her with her resume this week, but it doesn't seem like enough. I want to do more. I want to ease their financial burden more than I want to ease my own. I cannot imagine the stress my dad will be under now. I truly just feel awful, and I feel like it's all my fault.
I'm starting to really regret some big decisions I have made in my life. I would never regret marrying Dan or having the kids, but part of me wonders what my future (and my dads future) would have held had I not gone to Fisher. My sister is making just about the same amount of money per year than Dan does right now, and she barely graduated highschool. That is not a slam against her in any way, but she really struggled, and I always admired how hard she worked at it, especially towards the end, considering I haven't had to work so hard at anything.
School has always come easy to me. I guess I take that for granted sometimes. I saw Dan struggle all throughout college to graduate with a 2.75GPA, and I never put in half the effort as him and my GPA was higher. Maybe that is why continuing my education has been so easy for me to consider, because I know that even though it is a lot of work, it comes easy to me and is easier than getting a job. Julie really likes what she does, makes the same amount of money as Dan who has a 4 year degree, and she doesn't have ANY student loans. I'm really jealous of her. Maybe if I didn't go to school, I would be financially better off and not be burdening my father. It really makes me wonder. I think I've been pretty selfish in that way. My dad is the one who co-signed all my loans, and when I graduate I am looking at almost $180,000 in loans. Can you imagine? I don't have a choice not to pay them or else the government would go after my dad. How bad does that suck for him? He is this amazing father who would do anything for his kids, including paying the mortgage, co-signing student loans, babysit so I could do homework, and much more that I haven't mentioned, and yet in the long run he is being screwed over by me. Obviously it wasn't intentional, but if you think about it, I have really fucked up his life.
My dad has been my biggest supporter, yet he's gonna get screwed by me in the long run... It just doesn't seem right. No wonder my family thinks so ill of me. I don't blame them. They have seen this all along. For what it's worth, I've appreciated everything he has done for me. Every. Single. Thing.
Somehow I have to make things right for him, I just don't know how.
It is not because my father does so much for us that I think of him as my savior (although I'd be lying if I said that without him I don't know where I'd be). It's because he has just always been there for me. When I first got pregnant with Audrey and told him, instead of freaking out and screaming that I should have an abortion (like my mother did), he told me everything would be ok. When I was struggling with my work/school/parenting schedule, he helped me just by listening and helping babysit so I could get schoolwork done. Even this past summer when I was taking my Graduate Research class aka the hardest freaking class of my life, my dad watched the kids once per week so I could go to the library at school ALL day and study/write papers. It has been his ongoing support and confidence in me that has allowed me to continue my education. I will be graduating with my Masters in less that 5 months with a GPA of at least 3.94. I owe that to my dad.
I should also mention what a wonderful grandfather he is. He has come to numerous amounts of Audrey's soccer games and recitals, come to the hospital when Benjamin's arm was dislocated, came over Audrey's first day of school to watch her get off the bus, the trip to Vegas where he simply carried Audrey around Freemont Street because he was so excited to show her all the different things going on, playing Wii bowling with Audrey, letting Benjamin "help" with the yard work, playing outside with Benjamin, the 4 of us (dad, me, Audrey and Ben) practicing soccer moves and Benjamin suprising the helk out of us with how good he is... just everything. The other day, the kids called him and asked him if he would be coming over, and he hadn't planned on it, but he drove in the snow from Webster to come over and do a Scooby Doo puzzle with Audrey because she knew how much he likes Scooby, and then we all played UNO together. He had no reason to come over, but because the kids missed him he came. That is the kind of man my father is. Everyday he amazes me.
Recently, with things going on between my sister and my Aunt, my dad has simply lended an ear to me as I was upset. Whenever I tell him how much I appreciate what he has done for Dan and myself, he always shrugs it off like it is no big deal, but to me it is. It is the biggest deal. I feel guilty every time I hear him mention money because if it weren't for us, he would not have any financial problems at all. We try to tell him how much we appreciate him, and I know he knows it to be true, but telling him just doesn't seem to be enough. As if I don't feel guilty enough, today Kim was fired from her job.
I feel awful for her. Actually, awful doesn't begin to describe how I feel. I know that things will be financially worse for them than they already are, and I can't do a single thing to stop it. I already went searching for jobs at numerous websites and sent them to Kim today. I'm also going to be helping her with her resume this week, but it doesn't seem like enough. I want to do more. I want to ease their financial burden more than I want to ease my own. I cannot imagine the stress my dad will be under now. I truly just feel awful, and I feel like it's all my fault.
I'm starting to really regret some big decisions I have made in my life. I would never regret marrying Dan or having the kids, but part of me wonders what my future (and my dads future) would have held had I not gone to Fisher. My sister is making just about the same amount of money per year than Dan does right now, and she barely graduated highschool. That is not a slam against her in any way, but she really struggled, and I always admired how hard she worked at it, especially towards the end, considering I haven't had to work so hard at anything.
School has always come easy to me. I guess I take that for granted sometimes. I saw Dan struggle all throughout college to graduate with a 2.75GPA, and I never put in half the effort as him and my GPA was higher. Maybe that is why continuing my education has been so easy for me to consider, because I know that even though it is a lot of work, it comes easy to me and is easier than getting a job. Julie really likes what she does, makes the same amount of money as Dan who has a 4 year degree, and she doesn't have ANY student loans. I'm really jealous of her. Maybe if I didn't go to school, I would be financially better off and not be burdening my father. It really makes me wonder. I think I've been pretty selfish in that way. My dad is the one who co-signed all my loans, and when I graduate I am looking at almost $180,000 in loans. Can you imagine? I don't have a choice not to pay them or else the government would go after my dad. How bad does that suck for him? He is this amazing father who would do anything for his kids, including paying the mortgage, co-signing student loans, babysit so I could do homework, and much more that I haven't mentioned, and yet in the long run he is being screwed over by me. Obviously it wasn't intentional, but if you think about it, I have really fucked up his life.
My dad has been my biggest supporter, yet he's gonna get screwed by me in the long run... It just doesn't seem right. No wonder my family thinks so ill of me. I don't blame them. They have seen this all along. For what it's worth, I've appreciated everything he has done for me. Every. Single. Thing.
Somehow I have to make things right for him, I just don't know how.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
If this is how my New Years is starting out, I'm screwed
So not only did I end 2009 being completely heartbroken by 2 of my family members, New Years Day poor Benjamin ended up in the emergency room :-( Audrey decided to play a game of "Tug of War" with Benjamin's arm as the rope.. needless to say, his elbow was dislocated in 3 places. He now has "Nurse Maids Elbow" which means that his elbow can pop out at any time from now until he's about 5 years old. We have to be very careful around him now, which is proving to be very hard. I keep forgetting and almost doing something I shouldn't.
At the hospital he was such a good boy. We immediately knew something was wrong at the house when he said he couldn't move his elbow. The poor thing was crying so we decided to take him in. Luckily Amy was here and watched Audrey so both Dan and I could take him. When he got into his room, the PA immediately tried popping it back into place. However, it took another doctor over an hour later to really make it work. My poor baby was screaming in agony as these doctors did this. He was such a trooper though. He did very well for the 2 sets of xrays and all the waiting in between doctor visits. I'm so proud of my baby for his braveness <3
Needless to say, Audrey is grounded (as much as a 5 year old can be grounded). She's going to bed at 7:30 for the rest of the week with no after-dinner snack (her normal bedtime is 8:30). We also let Benjamin take out 2 big toys out of her room that she is not allowed to play with for the week. We didn't know what else to do, so that is the extent of it, but she seems pretty upset by it. She really did/does feel very bad about hurting her brother, so it's hard to ground her, but we've warned her before about playing to rough with him, and this was our final straw.
You wouldn't know by looking at Benjamin and Audrey today that she hurt him yesterday. He has no cast, and he isn't mad at his sister in the least. He loves her so much and it's so sad to see the way she treats him sometimes. It makes me think back to when I was a little girl and hated having my sister around... no matter how mean I was to her she always would be around me. I guess that just says something about siblings though... can't live with them, can't live without them.
...Crap, I suppose I should really forgive Julie huh?????
At the hospital he was such a good boy. We immediately knew something was wrong at the house when he said he couldn't move his elbow. The poor thing was crying so we decided to take him in. Luckily Amy was here and watched Audrey so both Dan and I could take him. When he got into his room, the PA immediately tried popping it back into place. However, it took another doctor over an hour later to really make it work. My poor baby was screaming in agony as these doctors did this. He was such a trooper though. He did very well for the 2 sets of xrays and all the waiting in between doctor visits. I'm so proud of my baby for his braveness <3
Needless to say, Audrey is grounded (as much as a 5 year old can be grounded). She's going to bed at 7:30 for the rest of the week with no after-dinner snack (her normal bedtime is 8:30). We also let Benjamin take out 2 big toys out of her room that she is not allowed to play with for the week. We didn't know what else to do, so that is the extent of it, but she seems pretty upset by it. She really did/does feel very bad about hurting her brother, so it's hard to ground her, but we've warned her before about playing to rough with him, and this was our final straw.
You wouldn't know by looking at Benjamin and Audrey today that she hurt him yesterday. He has no cast, and he isn't mad at his sister in the least. He loves her so much and it's so sad to see the way she treats him sometimes. It makes me think back to when I was a little girl and hated having my sister around... no matter how mean I was to her she always would be around me. I guess that just says something about siblings though... can't live with them, can't live without them.
...Crap, I suppose I should really forgive Julie huh?????
Friday, January 1, 2010
Crushed
New Years sucked. I read a conversation on FB between my sister and my aunt that I shouldn't have, and it basically has me completely devastated.
Let me start by saying that my sister and I were texting and she asked me to go on her cafeworld and manage it for her while she was out. I said no problem, as I was just sitting at home. When I finished with her cafeworld, I saw she had a message in her inbox. I decided to check it because I had gotten 4 messages that day in my inbox that were links to certain websites which I thought were viruses. Luckily I checked it and it was the same sort of link, so I deleted it so she wouldn't have it on her FB. Anyways, after I checked that, I saw many convos that she had been having with our Aunt. The very first line of one of them was "Don't worry I won't tell Christine"... so against my better judgment I decided to read it. I really shouldn't have, because what I read over the next hour just completely broke my heart.
I saw things about my sister telling my aunt she doesn't like asking people to watch Anthony, and that she's not like Dan and I who ask people to watch our kids all the time. She also said that I "fake cried" to my mom about a car so that my mom would agree to cosign a loan for us. She said that we don't pay anything living at our house and how unfair it is to our dad. She said that Jeremy GAVE US his car (even though we bought it for $3,700 cash). She said Jeremy talks about how annoying I am, which I guess explains why Julie and Jeremy never come over to hang out. Funny how I am good enough for them to watch their son, but apparently it's ok to still talk crap about me behind my back.
I think the worst part was my aunt's response to everything though. My aunt said that Dan and I should move into an apartment and let Julie and Jeremy live at the house and how unfair it is. She said things about me and my weight, telling Julie that she'd never end up like me. She said that there is 1 difference between Julie and I... that Julie actually is motivated to do something whereas I am not. Clearly she has never had a weight problem. Nobody knows how frustrated I am with myself, so how dare them talk about my weight and motivation behind my back. Obviously I'm fat, thanks for talking about it. Apparently she sent Julie a birthday gift and told Julie "not to tell her nosey sister". She kept calling my sister "her favorite" and seriously complained about me in some of the messages. This is the aunt that I thought of as my personal favorite, and to see her talking about me behind my back was just awful. Clearly we don't have the relationship I thought we had for all these years.
I seriously don't think anyone understands how tight things are with Dan and I right now. Dan makes 25K per year, and that is it. We are a family of 4 living on his salary alone. While we don't pay for "rent", we pay for our RG&E, water, garbage, telephone, cable, and internet. Then obviously we have some credit cards that weren't taken care of in our bankruptcy, car insurance, gas, babysitting when we need it, and groceries. That doesn't leave us with much. If you think about it, Julie and Jeremy actually make more money than us. Julie makes about 22K or so, if not more, and then Jeremy has his own salary which is at least 20K. I don't understand why everyone thinks that we make money when they know I'm not working.
I really thought that Julie and I were becoming closer. As she is a mother now, I thought she and I were bonding more. Obviously we weren't. My sister doesn't pay rent either, nor does she pay for anything else other than her own bills. I used to "lecture" her about it, because my mom did a lot for them, but I stopped and haven't said a word about it to her or behind her back. I have had no reason to say anything about her or Jer, because I thought we were all getting better. It's just very clear now that no matter how much I do for some people they will still talk about me. As far as my aunt is concerned, I'm just disgusted. When I called my dad about it he said that maybe she was just going along with Julie. However, sometimes she would be the one to say something negative about me first. For instance, she mentioned to Julie "Christine failed to mention that the stuff the kids wanted for Christmas weighed a ton". Why say that? Just don't buy for them, you don't buy for me, so just stop buying for them. Whatever. I'm so upset.
Let me start by saying that my sister and I were texting and she asked me to go on her cafeworld and manage it for her while she was out. I said no problem, as I was just sitting at home. When I finished with her cafeworld, I saw she had a message in her inbox. I decided to check it because I had gotten 4 messages that day in my inbox that were links to certain websites which I thought were viruses. Luckily I checked it and it was the same sort of link, so I deleted it so she wouldn't have it on her FB. Anyways, after I checked that, I saw many convos that she had been having with our Aunt. The very first line of one of them was "Don't worry I won't tell Christine"... so against my better judgment I decided to read it. I really shouldn't have, because what I read over the next hour just completely broke my heart.
I saw things about my sister telling my aunt she doesn't like asking people to watch Anthony, and that she's not like Dan and I who ask people to watch our kids all the time. She also said that I "fake cried" to my mom about a car so that my mom would agree to cosign a loan for us. She said that we don't pay anything living at our house and how unfair it is to our dad. She said that Jeremy GAVE US his car (even though we bought it for $3,700 cash). She said Jeremy talks about how annoying I am, which I guess explains why Julie and Jeremy never come over to hang out. Funny how I am good enough for them to watch their son, but apparently it's ok to still talk crap about me behind my back.
I think the worst part was my aunt's response to everything though. My aunt said that Dan and I should move into an apartment and let Julie and Jeremy live at the house and how unfair it is. She said things about me and my weight, telling Julie that she'd never end up like me. She said that there is 1 difference between Julie and I... that Julie actually is motivated to do something whereas I am not. Clearly she has never had a weight problem. Nobody knows how frustrated I am with myself, so how dare them talk about my weight and motivation behind my back. Obviously I'm fat, thanks for talking about it. Apparently she sent Julie a birthday gift and told Julie "not to tell her nosey sister". She kept calling my sister "her favorite" and seriously complained about me in some of the messages. This is the aunt that I thought of as my personal favorite, and to see her talking about me behind my back was just awful. Clearly we don't have the relationship I thought we had for all these years.
I seriously don't think anyone understands how tight things are with Dan and I right now. Dan makes 25K per year, and that is it. We are a family of 4 living on his salary alone. While we don't pay for "rent", we pay for our RG&E, water, garbage, telephone, cable, and internet. Then obviously we have some credit cards that weren't taken care of in our bankruptcy, car insurance, gas, babysitting when we need it, and groceries. That doesn't leave us with much. If you think about it, Julie and Jeremy actually make more money than us. Julie makes about 22K or so, if not more, and then Jeremy has his own salary which is at least 20K. I don't understand why everyone thinks that we make money when they know I'm not working.
I really thought that Julie and I were becoming closer. As she is a mother now, I thought she and I were bonding more. Obviously we weren't. My sister doesn't pay rent either, nor does she pay for anything else other than her own bills. I used to "lecture" her about it, because my mom did a lot for them, but I stopped and haven't said a word about it to her or behind her back. I have had no reason to say anything about her or Jer, because I thought we were all getting better. It's just very clear now that no matter how much I do for some people they will still talk about me. As far as my aunt is concerned, I'm just disgusted. When I called my dad about it he said that maybe she was just going along with Julie. However, sometimes she would be the one to say something negative about me first. For instance, she mentioned to Julie "Christine failed to mention that the stuff the kids wanted for Christmas weighed a ton". Why say that? Just don't buy for them, you don't buy for me, so just stop buying for them. Whatever. I'm so upset.
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