I'll start with my physical well being. Last March after years of contemplation I decided to look into bariatric surgery. I had struggled with my weight ever since Audrey was born, and I was sick of yo-yo dieting. A friend of mine had the surgery 2 years prior and was looking and feeling amazing, so after many talks with her and consults with my doctor, I decided to proceed. Obviously it was a long process full of appointments with doctors, nutritionists, and therapists, but I was finally able to have the surgery on November 19th. I had previously spoken to my principal about doing it the week of Thanksgiving and we both decided it would be best, and I was out of work for 3 weeks. What I failed to realize was that I would have a numerous amount of complications that were unforseen, but I guess nobody really anticipates them, right?
I was admitted into the hospital 7 different times between December 1st and February 15th. I had another surgery to remove scar tissue which had been blocking my stoma making it impossible for me to digest food and nutrients. One of the times I was actually admitted for anorexia, which I felt was hysterical. The kids and Dan were amazing during this entire ordeal. To be quite honest, there was one point where I actually felt I was going to die from all of these issues. Wouldn't that be crazy? To die just because I wanted to be healthier for my family? I thank the Heavens for my family. Even my mom was supportive and had actually told me she regretted all the weight comments she had made to me over the years because she felt she was to blame for me wanting the surgery. It was nice to hear an apology.
Anyways, after months and months of complications, you'd expect that I was struggling to keep up at work. I would vomit in the middle of class, and then come right back and teach. Towards the middle of February it was happening multiple times per day. I was weak. I couldn't digest food or nutrients, so I could barely stand for more than 30 seconds at a time. The solution? I bought a stool to sit on so I could continue to teach... but it just wasn't the same. I was doing the absolute best I could given the circumstances, but needless to say it wasn't enough. After much contemplation and tears, I decided to resign from my teaching position and focus on my health. The good news? It worked. I feel much better, not perfect, but much better. The bad news? I miss teaching. I miss the kids. I miss the school. A lot.
Emotionally- So I've been home for 6 months now, and while it's been great to focus on my recovery and spend the summer with my kiddos, I feel lost, empty... worthless? I'm watching my family struggle financially and I know that it's because of my decision to resign. My kiddos aren't getting new school clothes this year. I borrowed $30 from my grandmother to buy them their school supplies. I have nothing to give my family, except for a headache apparently. As much as I know that leaving was the best thing for me at the time, I regret it. I did not just have a "job", I had a CAREER. It was a career that I LOVED. I've applied to over 200 jobs and haven't even been called for an interview, so the chances of me finding work anytime soon are probably slim. All of my teacher friends are setting up their classrooms and getting ready to start a brand new year, and I sit here having nothing to accomplish. The biggest thing on my to-do list today is vacuum. Whoa. I feel like such a waste, I have so much good in me, and yet I can't find anywhere to DO the good. Just makes me depressed.
NEW SUBJECT- The kiddos!
I can't believe how fast a year goes and how much can change! I believe my last entry Benjamin was about to enter Kindergarten, and now he's heading into 1st grade next week! This picture was him getting on the bus for the first day of school. His smile says it all. He positively LOVED school and was so proud of everything that he learned last year. I know he will continue to make us proud this year as well.
He has played many sports over the past year- bowling, baseball, soccer, and football, and I'm almost positive that football is his favorite. He astonishes me with how athletic he is, and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mommy.... the kid is AWESOME! Every coach he's had this year has told us this, so we feel pretty validated in our opinion :) He is still struggling with reading but he's getting better each day. We are very proud of him and the little man that he is becoming. Oh, and another thing... he got glasses last month! Doesn't my little boy look adorable? hehe Such a little ladies man!
Audrey is officially a 4th grader now... where did time go, seriously???? She is continuing to cheerlead this year as she loved it so much last year. She is a base and a featured tumbler. Again, not to brag, but my kid is just good. She also just completed her 6th year of dance, isn't that insane? She turned 9 this summer and she was supposed to have a big pool party, but unfortunately her behavior was pretty yucky so I cancelled it, hoping to teach her a lesson. Not sure if it worked, but hopefully she will never doubt my authority again. She is in counseling for her behavior/anxiety, and again, I'm not sure if it's working lol. She is just struggling with what (I hope) are just age-typical behaviors. Some days she's amazing, and other days she is less than amazing haha I think she frustrates me more than Benjamin does because I know what potential she has, and I don't want her to waste it. All of her school reports are typical for Audrey- above average. She had such a wonderful teacher this year and she had a great year. She even met some new friends! She is very excited to begin her last year in elementary school. In our district, middle school begins in 5th grade... yikes!
Dan and I just celebrated 8 years of marriage... where has the time gone??? This past year has by far been our most difficult in wedded life, but the fact that we are still together tells me that our bond is unbreakable. I love him very much and couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Below is a picture from our anniversary when we walked the pier at the beach :)
So many other things have happened this summer, including our trip to Myrtle Beach, many camping trips, and numerous other family fun days. I hope we can have a summer like this every year :)
I have lots of updates on my friends, but that will have to wait til another day! Hopefully I continue to blog... I always forget how much I enjoy it!
