All day on Sunday I was feeling depressed. I found out that a distant family member had trashed not only me, but my father as well. This is really no surprise, since I was never fond of this person anyways, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself. After indulging in way too much chocolate in an attempt to make myself feel better (which did work until the feeling of nausea came over me), I couldn't help but refocus on the words that were said about me. Without going into too many details (as I would probably start crying again), the general statement was that I am a sponge who takes advantage of people (my father) for money. I have never lied about the fact that my dad pays for the home I now live in, but for someone to think that I am living here by choice is just ridiculous (especially a family member). If I had a CHOICE, I'd pay for this house by myself. However, financial situations being what they are, I regret to say that I cannot do so. It eats me alive. My step-mom lost her job, so my dad's financial situation has gotten tremendously worse, and obviously I cannot express the depth of my guilt about not being able to help him out. So yes, I cried ALL day on Sunday. I cried for myself, and I cried for my father, who is now short one brother due to all his negative comments. To think that I played a role in that is eating me alive.
However, on Monday when I reported back to work for the year, I was almost moved to tears for a different reason. My principal led a variety of workshops, and told a variety of stories. One story was of a boy who used to go to school at HH, and came to school in September in his winter boots. After a few days of this, she pulled him aside and asked him to please wear his sneakers the next day. The following day, the boy came in with his boots on again, but he was carrying a bag with a pair of shoes in it. He went up to Sr. Diana and opened the bag, and asked her if she had any duct tape to use on his shoes. The shoes were torn apart from toe to heel. I think the best part of this story was that my principal KEPT THE SHOES, and as she was speaking passed them around to everyone. It was so moving. The mother had 3 boys, all of whom had ADHD, and her husband recently left her. She was working as hard as she could to support her family, but couldn't afford new shoes for her kids, so she sent her son in a pair of boots so he didn't get teased for his sneakers. This story pulled at my heartstrings, maybe because the day before I was feeling sorry for myself.
I realized that it didn't matter what one person thought of me. I know the truth. Nowhere in this vindictive letter that was written did it mention that I obtained my Bachelors and Masters degree while having 2 children and working full time, sometimes 2 and 3 jobs at once. I have been working as hard as I can for as long as I can remember to better the life for my family, so that one day I won't have to rely on my father for support. If I were a "sponge" that didn't care that my dad was helping me, would I even be working at all? I think not. Would Dan and I fight about finances so often? I think not. Would I have been so upset that it has caused an understandable rift between my sister and I for so many years? I think not. So I am making peace with what was said. The person who wrote the letter clearly does not know me, so I am choosing to ignore what was said. My true friends and family know the real me, and that is all that matters. <3
End rant. Now for the real update.
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My summer vacation was short but sweet. I worked summer program this year, which I was very anxious about, but I ended up enjoying myself immensely because I spent the day with some fabulous kids and some of the best friends you could ask for. The money definitely helped too, so I think I will be working summer program for at least the next couple of years.
A few weeks ago, we drove to Myrtle Beach with the kids, and had the most fantastic vacation with my family! The kids loved our first official vacation! Audrey swam like a fish in the ocean, and Benjamin built a variety of sand castles with Aunt Debbie and Audrey. Looking back, I don't think anything could have gone better. The kids were really well behaved, and even in our "down time", they enjoyed spending time with family that they don't get to see very often. One of my favorite memories from MB was just playing the game "Bullshit" with my Grandma! It was just so funny, and everyone was in the greatest of moods! While the vacation may not have gone as smoothly for other people, I just don't have a single complaint!
Needless to say, I was a tiny bit anxious about returning back to work. I am not quite sure why, I don't have a specific reason. Maybe it's because I am worried that this year really won't be any easier than last year. Everyone says it will, but I have such a small class this year to start (7 boys) that I may be able to do more projects that I wasn't able to do with a larger group last year. I guess only time will tell! I actually find out my schedule today, so I'm kinda excited for that! I have adopted a polka-dot theme for my class this year! I think it is turning out fabulous, but I may be a little bias. =)
We enrolled Benjamin in Pre-Kindergarten, and even though he was dreading it at first, he seems super excited now! When we visited the classroom, he discovered a whole Thomas the Train set, and has been excited ever since! Hey, whatever works! Audrey found out that her 2nd grade teacher this year is Mrs. Donnelly, and was even more excited to discover that Arianna (one of her best friends) is in her class. I am surprising her with a sleepover this weekend! She'll have 3 friends here, so I'm hoping she has a good time. =)
Alright, gotta head to work!
