Well, summer has officially began! Audrey's last day of Kindergarten was yesterday, and she came off the bus yelling for her Kindergarten teacher! She is really going to miss Mrs. Mulhern, but I also think she's excited to call herself a first grader! She has worked so hard this year! I am so proud of her!
She's starting to exert a little more independence lately, which is nice but also kinda freaky! She is such a capable young girl, so I know that I should give her a bit more freedom (listening to radio before bed, going outside and playing with friends, calling friends on the telephone), but there is such a large part of me that wants to just keep her this age forever. Don't get me wrong, she can still freak out with the best of them, but she's doing that a lot less frequently (thank goodness!). She is definitely looking forward to summer vacation though! We have lots of fun things planned, so I am sure the kids are going to really enjoy themselves!
Benjamin has been much more independent as well, which is also scary for me, but at night he still sleeps with me and cuddles with me, so that makes me feel much better! I don't want the age to come where he doesn't ever want to cuddle with me anymore! I think when that day comes, I will cry harder than I ever have. I really look forward to it every single night, and at this point he does too, so hopefully he'll stay this way until he's 20! haha
I am officially an Aunt again!!! Cassie had baby Haley 2 days ago! Her water broke Monday, but she stalled at 7cm dialated, so she ended up having a c-section Tuesday! I cannot stop looking at pictures of her! Haley is completely beautiful, and just a beautiful mix of Dave and Cassie! I am very happy for them, and wish them the best of luck! I can't wait to meet her in person! I want to kiss her cute little cheeks so bad! hehe
Work is going well. I am done subbing for now. I volunteered to be placed on the substitute list for the summer, but I never heard anything about it, so I'm guessing I am not subbing over the summer! Thank goodness my Lia business is going better than expected! I was worried I wouldn't ever get bookings, but so far I have done well! I can't wait to keep going! Obviously I am still looking for a full-time teaching job, but prospects just aren't great =( It breaks my heart, but I just have to keep telling myself that I am doing absolutely everything I can right now, and hopefully it will pay off. I truly feel that I deserve and am ready for a classroom of my own, but I guess we'll just wait and see.
I guess I have been kinda upset lately, but it's my own fault. I have a hard time of "forgetting and forgiving", and I really need to work on that. A few months back when everything was said between my Aunt and my sister, I was very hurt, and I guess I never got over it. Julie had said that I always go out and "never have my kids", and this couldn't be further from the truth. However, her and Jeremy really do go out a lot, and it upsets me. I don't think it would upset me if she had not said those hurtful things about me to my Aunt, but because she did I really take offense. For instance, she just went out to a Red Wings game on Monday night with Jeremy (no baby), and now Jeremy is asking me to watch Anthony on Friday night so they can go out. I just watched him a few weeks ago so they could go to dinner. I honestly have no problem whatsoever watching Anthony, I love him to pieces and I really enjoy when I get to see him, but I always think to myself "Yea, but I'm the one who doesn't spend time with their kids ever". I think it bothers me more because I have never, EVER, been able to call up Julie and ask her for a favor. She has never wanted to watch the 2 kids at once because she always thought it would be too overwhelming, so for 3.5 years now she has not watched the kids. I guess it just hurts because I have never had that sister that if I were in a bind that I could call and ask for help. I don't get date nights with my hubby... so I guess I am jealous.
Not to mention that Jeremy was talking shit about me right in front of Jackie the other day and yet he has no problem asking me for favors either. I'm always good enough to watch their kid, but I'm never good enough to talk to or visit. That's the way I feel. I literally NEVER see Julie, and it wasn't always like this. I'll only see her when I visit my moms house. She came to my grad party a few weeks ago and stayed inside the whole time, so I barely saw her, and then she left early. I don't even feel like she's my sister anymore. Something has been really bothering her, but when I ask she won't tell me what it is. We used to always be able to talk, and we just can't anymore. I don't know what happened. I really thought that when she was pregnant that things were changing, but I think I was wrong. It hurts me so much, because I just feel like she's changed into this selfish person who doesn't really care about anyone else.
Yesterday at my mom's house Benjamin needed his floaties taken off, and I told him to go to Aunt Julie, but he went to my mom instead. She got offended that he didn't want to go up to her, but I felt like saying "No offense Julie, but he doesn't really know you". When it's not summertime and we're at my mom's swimming a lot, he only sees her at family functions, like birthdays, holidays, etc. He never spends time with her, nor does Audrey. They are FAR more closer to Anna than they are to Julie, and seeing as how they only see her 4x a year, that's really saying something.
I feel like she has missed out on so much of their lives, and that hurts me. I don't want to miss out on Anthony's life, which is the only reason I watch him when they ask. I love spending time with him, but I don't think Julie and Jeremy need another night out, they get quite enough. It must be nice! I think I'm gonna ask my sister out to dinner and talk to her about the way I am feeling, because it's literally eating me up inside. I want my sister back.
